The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on April 14, 2023, 01:35:54 PM

Title: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 14, 2023, 01:35:54 PM
All nice and ready, like eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on April 14, 2023, 08:54:56 PM
Popcorn seasoning please BM........ Thumbs:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 14, 2023, 10:36:20 PM
Popcorn seasoning please BM........ Thumbs:

Careful, he may still have your out of date stuff..  whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 15, 2023, 05:30:02 AM
And we are off :thumbsup:

What can possibly go wrong?
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 15, 2023, 06:50:37 AM
And we are off :thumbsup:

What can possibly go wrong?

We would need far longer than what's left of 2023 to complete that list..  whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on April 15, 2023, 11:00:56 AM
And we are off :thumbsup:

What can possibly go wrong?
Make a big splash on day 1
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on April 15, 2023, 01:39:33 PM
And we are off :thumbsup:

What can possibly go wrong?
Make a big splash on day 1

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 15, 2023, 01:41:50 PM
And we are off :thumbsup:

What can possibly go wrong?
Make a big splash on day 1

 lol: lol: lol:

It's Nick, he's going to need the lock of the Irish to get through the day without a disaster of some kind...  redface:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 15, 2023, 05:00:53 PM
Chilly day. Lock heater not working so improvised by microwaving a brick. Worked a treat :thumbsup:


(https://i.postimg.cc/QHzXzWh8/IMG-2002.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/QHzXzWh8)

 angel1
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on April 15, 2023, 05:21:05 PM
Chilly day. Lock heater not working so improvised by microwaving a brick. Worked a treat :thumbsup:


(https://i.postimg.cc/QHzXzWh8/IMG-2002.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/QHzXzWh8)

 angel1

 eeek:   rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 15, 2023, 05:43:09 PM
Save money on energy bills, especially if you use your neighbour's microwave whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 15, 2023, 05:45:10 PM
Chilly day. Lock heater not working so improvised by microwaving a brick. Worked a treat :thumbsup:


(https://i.postimg.cc/QHzXzWh8/IMG-2002.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/QHzXzWh8)

 angel1

We have a new pub competiton. How many times can Nick nuke the brick before it goes boom and how much of the shed will be left..  whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 15, 2023, 05:47:06 PM
I did actually hide in case it blew up. redface: redface:

That would have taken some explaining scared2:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on April 15, 2023, 07:04:46 PM
Chilly day. Lock heater not working so improvised by microwaving a brick. Worked a treat :thumbsup:


(https://i.postimg.cc/QHzXzWh8/IMG-2002.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/QHzXzWh8)

 angel1

happy001


 rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 15, 2023, 10:40:20 PM
You might have just used up any scrap of good luck you have for the next millennia...

https://youtu.be/DQlfW2eLijo

 noooo:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on April 15, 2023, 11:09:52 PM
You might have just used up any scrap of good luck you have for the next millennia...

https://youtu.be/DQlfW2eLijo

 noooo:
eeek:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on April 16, 2023, 05:24:29 AM
You might have just used up any scrap of good luck you have for the next millennia...

https://youtu.be/DQlfW2eLijo

 noooo:

 eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 16, 2023, 06:26:50 AM
Back to the same place today, pointlessly as the river is in flood and there are no boats evil:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 16, 2023, 04:00:45 PM
Another futile day with one boat (nutcase) and my hot brick evil:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on April 16, 2023, 04:16:21 PM
Another futile day with one boat (nutcase) and my hot brick evil:

Did you tell the nutcase about your brick....?
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 16, 2023, 04:22:01 PM
I wanted it for myself eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 16, 2023, 04:31:01 PM
Another futile day with one boat (nutcase) and my hot brick evil:

Strange, the nutcase sounds perfectly reasonable...

Quote from: Bemused boater
Went for a quiet jaunt on the canals today and found some oddball at one of the locks shoving a housebrick into the microwave. I may have come across as a little forceful, possibly even slightly deranged but I wanted to be far away from that dingbat when it all explodes..

 whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on April 17, 2023, 06:54:31 AM
Another futile day with one boat (nutcase) and my hot brick evil:

Strange, the nutcase sounds perfectly reasonable...

Quote from: Bemused boater
Went for a quiet jaunt on the canals today and found some oddball at one of the locks shoving a housebrick into the microwave. I may have come across as a little forceful, possibly even slightly deranged but I wanted to be far away from that dingbat when it all explodes..

 whistle:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 21, 2023, 06:17:15 AM
Off to me lock. like :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on April 21, 2023, 06:43:06 AM
Off to me lock. like :thumbsup:


(https://i.postimg.cc/Y4NDhrX2/Horatio-Mc-Callister.png) (https://postimg.cc/Y4NDhrX2)



 Thumbs:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 21, 2023, 04:54:22 PM
8 hours. Constant wind and rain
No boats evil:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 21, 2023, 05:35:25 PM
The question is was the lack of boats due to the weather or has the legend of the infamous mad brick microwaver made it's way through the boating community..  rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 21, 2023, 05:38:08 PM
The heater is fixed  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on April 21, 2023, 05:41:06 PM
The heater is fixed  :thumbsup:
How's the brick?
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 21, 2023, 05:41:57 PM
The heater is fixed  :thumbsup:

It's amazing how fast the insurance companies can move when a serious liability is involved..  whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 21, 2023, 06:03:36 PM
And next week taking my new Syrian lock keeping for the day at Lonely Widow Island. What can possibly go wrong?
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 22, 2023, 06:06:29 AM
National Watersports Centre :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on April 22, 2023, 07:28:30 AM
National Watersports Centre :thumbsup:

 cloud9:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 22, 2023, 05:14:20 PM
More and more nutters on the river!

A boat stops outside the lock and the owner comes to talk:


Hello, can I come though the lock?
Of course, I will open the gates
I have never been through a lock before. I do not know what to do
Just tie up here and I will talk you through it
Do I have to stay in the boat?
Yes, why?
I suffer from extreme anxiety and claustrophobia and agoraphobia. I may feel trapped as the boat descends and start screaming
OK, but this lock is very deep and if you get out of the boat you will have to climb 30 feet down a wet and rust ladder

He looks thoughtful

OK, I will stay in the boat

We start the process and he begins to cry and then starts screaming
I decided to ignore him angel1

I warned the keeper at the next lock where it happened all over again  noooo:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on April 22, 2023, 05:24:06 PM
More and more nutters on the river!

A boat stops outside the lock and the owner comes to talk:


Hello, can I come though the lock?
Of course, I will open the gates
I have never been through a lock before. I do not know what to do
Just tie up here and I will talk you through it
Do I have to stay in the boat?
Yes, why?
I suffer from extreme anxiety and claustrophobia and agoraphobia. I may feel trapped as the boat descends and start screaming
OK, but this lock is very deep and if you get out of the boat you will have to climb 30 feet down a wet and rust ladder

He looks thoughtful

OK, I will stay in the boat

We start the process and he begins to cry and then starts screaming
I decided to ignore him angel1

I warned the keeper at the next lock where it happened all over again  noooo:
noooo:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on April 22, 2023, 07:06:09 PM
More and more nutters on the river!

A boat stops outside the lock and the owner comes to talk:


Hello, can I come though the lock?
Of course, I will open the gates
I have never been through a lock before. I do not know what to do
Just tie up here and I will talk you through it
Do I have to stay in the boat?
Yes, why?
I suffer from extreme anxiety and claustrophobia and agoraphobia. I may feel trapped as the boat descends and start screaming
OK, but this lock is very deep and if you get out of the boat you will have to climb 30 feet down a wet and rust ladder

He looks thoughtful

OK, I will stay in the boat

We start the process and he begins to cry and then starts screaming
I decided to ignore him angel1

I warned the keeper at the next lock where it happened all over again  noooo:

So it wasnt just coz you were operating the lock.... Thumbs:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 22, 2023, 07:09:41 PM
 angel1
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Miss Demeanour on April 23, 2023, 04:23:40 PM
More and more nutters on the river!

A boat stops outside the lock and the owner comes to talk:


Hello, can I come though the lock?
Of course, I will open the gates
I have never been through a lock before. I do not know what to do
Just tie up here and I will talk you through it
Do I have to stay in the boat?
Yes, why?
I suffer from extreme anxiety and claustrophobia and agoraphobia. I may feel trapped as the boat descends and start screaming
OK, but this lock is very deep and if you get out of the boat you will have to climb 30 feet down a wet and rust ladder

He looks thoughtful

OK, I will stay in the boat

We start the process and he begins to cry and then starts screaming
I decided to ignore him angel1

I warned the keeper at the next lock where it happened all over again  noooo:

 lol: lol: lol:

Bet he can't swim either  lol:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 23, 2023, 06:44:07 PM
More and more nutters on the river!

A boat stops outside the lock and the owner comes to talk:


Hello, can I come though the lock?
Of course, I will open the gates
I have never been through a lock before. I do not know what to do
Just tie up here and I will talk you through it
Do I have to stay in the boat?
Yes, why?
I suffer from extreme anxiety and claustrophobia and agoraphobia. I may feel trapped as the boat descends and start screaming
OK, but this lock is very deep and if you get out of the boat you will have to climb 30 feet down a wet and rust ladder

He looks thoughtful

OK, I will stay in the boat

We start the process and he begins to cry and then starts screaming
I decided to ignore him angel1

I warned the keeper at the next lock where it happened all over again  noooo:

So it wasnt just coz you were operating the lock.... Thumbs:

Glad I'm not the only one wondering that..  whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 28, 2023, 04:11:15 PM
Had these three in the lock first thing cloud9:


(https://i.postimg.cc/d7B1tJbD/IMG-2014.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/d7B1tJbD)







Sadly, the lock then broke and we had to wait for an engineer to come from Leicester. It begain to rain and they were there until lunchtime  redface:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 28, 2023, 06:00:17 PM
Had these three in the lock first thing cloud9:


(https://i.postimg.cc/d7B1tJbD/IMG-2014.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/d7B1tJbD)







Sadly, the lock then broke and we had to wait for an engineer to come from Leicester. It begain to rain and they were there until lunchtime  redface:

Something stopped working while you were using it? I can't believe that..  whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 28, 2023, 06:06:52 PM
 cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 28, 2023, 06:48:27 PM
It has been quiet on the river for a couple of years. I have only had 14 boats through this month.

Chatting to one of the stuck boaters today, he ventured that it was the price of fuel. He had just filled his tank with diesel. It cost him £2500 Shocked:

His boat does 10 miles per gallon eeek:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on April 28, 2023, 08:08:33 PM
It has been quiet on the river for a couple of years. I have only had 14 boats through this month.

Chatting to one of the stuck boaters today, he ventured that it was the price of fuel. He had just filled his tank with diesel. It cost him £2500 Shocked:

His boat does 10 miles per gallon eeek:
eeek:

But wasn't it that same couple of years ago you started lock keeping  whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on May 05, 2023, 03:09:38 PM
Off to me second favourite lock, like, tomorrow. Bank Holiday weekend and a popular place, but the Coronation rubschin:

Wonder if there is a Republican wing of the Boating Association rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on May 07, 2023, 07:17:03 AM
Off to me second favourite lock, like, tomorrow. Bank Holiday weekend and a popular place, but the Coronation rubschin:

Wonder if there is a Republican wing of the Boating Association rubschin:


The Provisionals in balaclavas...?  scared2:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on May 13, 2023, 05:04:14 PM
Today

1. Took my Syrian so he could wander about the riverside. He seemed hesitant and asked if there were any predators eeek:

2. First boat of the day (11.00) was a mahoosive steel barge piloted by three guys who were all bladdered. Chaos. Sent them on their way and broadcast "ALL BOATS" warning on VHF radio

3. Woman asking how to get to the other side of the river as she had noticed people over there and wondered how they got there. I said they live there. She looked bemused.  I explained that South of the Trent there are towns, places like Radcliffe (in this case), Leicester, Kettering, London, Brighton, then France, Spain and Africa. I asked if she had seen pictures of such places. She seemed confused  noooo:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on May 13, 2023, 06:07:38 PM
Today

1. Took my Syrian so he could wander about the riverside. He seemed hesitant and asked if there were any predators eeek:

2. First boat of the day (11.00) was a mahoosive steel barge piloted by three guys who were all bladdered. Chaos. Sent them on their way and broadcast "ALL BOATS" warning on VHF radio

3. Woman asking how to get to the other side of the river as she had noticed people over there and wondered how they got there. I said they live there. She looked bemused.  I explained that South of the Trent there are towns, places like Radcliffe (in this case), Leicester, Kettering, London, Brighton, then France, Spain and Africa. I asked if she had seen pictures of such places. She seemed confused  noooo:
lol:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on May 14, 2023, 03:55:50 PM
Lock semi broken noooo:
One boat all day noooo:
Bitten by gnats or summat.  noooo:A blind person could read my bumps noooo:
Stung by a wasp evil:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on May 14, 2023, 04:39:15 PM
Lock semi broken noooo:
One boat all day noooo:
Bitten by gnats or summat.  noooo:A blind person could read my bumps noooo:
Stung by a wasp evil:

Drink tonic water...... Thumbs: 
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on May 15, 2023, 11:35:58 AM
Lock semi broken noooo:
One boat all day noooo:
Bitten by gnats or summat.  noooo:A blind person could read my bumps noooo:
Stung by a wasp evil:

You should have rubbed the sting with Garlic like...  Thumbs:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on May 15, 2023, 12:54:22 PM
 Spank2: Spank2: Spank2: Spank2:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on May 15, 2023, 01:57:01 PM
Lock semi broken noooo:
One boat all day noooo:
Bitten by gnats or summat.  noooo:A blind person could read my bumps noooo:
Stung by a wasp evil:

You should have rubbed the sting with Garlic like...  Thumbs:
:thumbsup:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 15, 2023, 04:55:19 PM
Lock semi broken noooo:
One boat all day noooo:
Bitten by gnats or summat.  noooo:A blind person could read my bumps noooo:
Stung by a wasp evil:

What did you do this time?  noooo:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on May 20, 2023, 05:35:48 PM
WELL!!!!

Good: had this beauty in this morning


(https://i.postimg.cc/xXsDyJDF/IMG-2037.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/xXsDyJDF)

(https://i.postimg.cc/Lqndy9m4/IMG-2039.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Lqndy9m4)

BAD  eeek: eeek:

A narrow boat appears at the top end of the lock without warning. The lock is empty so they cannot enter I wait for some signal. No phone call and no radio message.

Eventually a young woman approaches. She is a Kiwi.

What do we do?
Do you want to come through?
Yes, but how. We ae new to this.
Not to worry, I will get the lock ready and open the gates and let you through

She looks relieved

Here, these are the phone numbers of all the locks so you can call ahead

She takes the card gratefully

Where ae you going?
Yorkshire
 eeek:
Do you have tide tables?
We aren't going by sea!!

I explain that just beyond Newark the Trent is tidal. Tide tables and tidal charts are essential, as are life vests

She looks alarmed

We thought we could get by with Google Maps 
facepalm:

You can get all these at Newark, but then you must phone ahead to book passage through the tidal locks

She runs back to the boat

She returns

The skipper asks if we can hire a pilot for the tidal sections
No

Her eyes widen and she goes white. She is part Maori

I had better write all this down. It seems very complicated

I repeat everything and she enters it into her phone

She goes back to the boat and they enter the lock (which is 30 feet deep)

I command them to tie up at both ends and they loop ropes around bollards

The descent starts. I notice the skipper fiddling with his stern rope and see he is tying a knot. I rush over and tell him to keep the rope slack. The stern is already lifting out of the water and the rope is very tight. He releases the knot and the rope turns into a whip and knocks his cowboy hat off where it is promptly minced up by the propeller (boat is still in gear for some reason) as the stern descends with a loud splash.

The descent continues

It occurs to me that the bow rope is a tad shorter than the stern rope and sure enough, I hear screaming. The young woman is hanging on for dear life like Hoffnung's Bricklayer but has lost contact with the boat by about 2 feet. I advise her to hang on and start to refill the lock. She lets go and lands arse first in the bows.

She cries

I send them on their way

I am at a lock further down the river tomorrow and expect to encounter them again noooo: noooo:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on May 20, 2023, 07:35:50 PM
 lol:

Will the update be in this thread or the Darwin thread?
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on May 20, 2023, 07:59:39 PM
Here angel1
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on May 21, 2023, 06:20:52 AM
Here angel1

 cloud9:

Popcorn:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on May 21, 2023, 04:22:47 PM
Today's Lock (no sign of the suicidal Kiwis)


(https://i.postimg.cc/TK6crN13/IMG-2042.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/TK6crN13)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on May 21, 2023, 05:58:10 PM
Today's Lock (no sign of the suicidal Kiwis)


(https://i.postimg.cc/TK6crN13/IMG-2042.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/TK6crN13)
:thumbsup: and  :thumbsup:  (unless they've drowned that is)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on May 22, 2023, 05:45:37 AM
Today's Lock (no sign of the suicidal Kiwis)


(https://i.postimg.cc/TK6crN13/IMG-2042.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/TK6crN13)

 ;D
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 22, 2023, 07:26:21 AM
Today's Lock (no sign of the suicidal Kiwis)


(https://i.postimg.cc/TK6crN13/IMG-2042.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/TK6crN13)


Ok that's the before pic, what does the after one look like..?  whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on May 27, 2023, 04:05:50 PM
Bikini Day on the river :thumbsup:

Imagine my delight at the approach of the cruiser Cape LIberty, an old favourite, on which the BABETASTIC Mrs Cape LIberty was indeed bikini clad Shocked:

I made sure to keep a careful eye on them in the lock (for safety reasons  angel1 ) and was rewaded with a bottle of wine presented by Mrs Cape LIberty and , oh  kleenex: redface:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on May 27, 2023, 04:43:28 PM
Bikini Day on the river :thumbsup:

Imagine my delight at the approach of the cruiser Cape LIberty, an old favourite, on which the BABETASTIC Mrs Cape LIberty was indeed bikini clad Shocked:

I made sure to keep a careful eye on them in the lock (for safety reasons  angel1 ) and was rewaded with a bottle of wine presented by Mrs Cape LIberty and , oh  kleenex: redface:
;D
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on May 27, 2023, 05:30:23 PM
Bikini Day on the river :thumbsup:

Imagine my delight at the approach of the cruiser Cape LIberty, an old favourite, on which the BABETASTIC Mrs Cape LIberty was indeed bikini clad Shocked:

I made sure to keep a careful eye on them in the lock (for safety reasons  angel1 ) and was rewaded with a bottle of wine presented by Mrs Cape LIberty and , oh  kleenex: redface:
;D

I got boob flashed this week .... Thumbs:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on May 28, 2023, 11:53:19 AM
Bikini Day on the river :thumbsup:

Imagine my delight at the approach of the cruiser Cape LIberty, an old favourite, on which the BABETASTIC Mrs Cape LIberty was indeed bikini clad Shocked:

I made sure to keep a careful eye on them in the lock (for safety reasons  angel1 ) and was rewaded with a bottle of wine presented by Mrs Cape LIberty and , oh  kleenex: redface:
;D

I got boob flashed this week .... Thumbs:


Misty...?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on May 28, 2023, 12:40:37 PM
Bikini Day on the river :thumbsup:

Imagine my delight at the approach of the cruiser Cape LIberty, an old favourite, on which the BABETASTIC Mrs Cape LIberty was indeed bikini clad Shocked:

I made sure to keep a careful eye on them in the lock (for safety reasons  angel1 ) and was rewaded with a bottle of wine presented by Mrs Cape LIberty and , oh  kleenex: redface:
;D

I got boob flashed this week .... Thumbs:


Misty...?  rubschin:

No...some bird just looked straight at me whilst dancing and pulled her top down .. eeek:

her fella? appeared from no where and pulled it back up...he was not impressed...
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on May 28, 2023, 12:44:51 PM
Bikini Day on the river :thumbsup:

Imagine my delight at the approach of the cruiser Cape LIberty, an old favourite, on which the BABETASTIC Mrs Cape LIberty was indeed bikini clad Shocked:

I made sure to keep a careful eye on them in the lock (for safety reasons  angel1 ) and was rewaded with a bottle of wine presented by Mrs Cape LIberty and , oh  kleenex: redface:
;D

I got boob flashed this week .... Thumbs:


Misty...?  rubschin:

No...some bird just looked straight at me whilst dancing and pulled her top down .. eeek:

her fella? appeared from no where and pulled it back up...he was not impressed...

To be fair given your tales of past clients I was half expecting it to be some drunk overweight bloke from Essex lifting his top at you..  whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on June 09, 2023, 05:14:39 PM
A friendly tug helping a poorly Little Ship to get to the Boat Hospital cloud9:


(https://i.postimg.cc/ygpmSDrj/IMG-2060.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/ygpmSDrj)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on June 09, 2023, 05:45:32 PM
A friendly tug helping a poorly Little Ship to get to the Boat Hospital cloud9:


(https://i.postimg.cc/ygpmSDrj/IMG-2060.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/ygpmSDrj)
;D
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on June 09, 2023, 05:52:11 PM
Nice boat

https://www.nationalhistoricships.org.uk/register/508/lady-sylvia (https://www.nationalhistoricships.org.uk/register/508/lady-sylvia)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on June 09, 2023, 07:02:50 PM
Nice boat

https://www.nationalhistoricships.org.uk/register/508/lady-sylvia (https://www.nationalhistoricships.org.uk/register/508/lady-sylvia)
Interesting history too  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on June 10, 2023, 08:16:26 AM
Nice boat

https://www.nationalhistoricships.org.uk/register/508/lady-sylvia (https://www.nationalhistoricships.org.uk/register/508/lady-sylvia)


Lovely!  cloud9:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on July 01, 2023, 05:03:02 PM
Christ! I had this nutter today. It is a miracle he is still allowed on the system

The video shows him trying to use his boat to break though some CHAINED UP FLOOD GATES!!!!

He is barking and actually GROWLED at me eeek:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tpye2ovfGY4&authuser=0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tpye2ovfGY4&authuser=0)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on July 01, 2023, 09:02:08 PM
Christ! I had this nutter today. It is a miracle he is still allowed on the system

The video shows him trying to use his boat to break though some CHAINED UP FLOOD GATES!!!!

He is barking and actually GROWLED at me eeek:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tpye2ovfGY4&authuser=0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tpye2ovfGY4&authuser=0)
Wouldn't it be easier if he was chained up?
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on July 02, 2023, 05:23:54 AM
Christ! I had this nutter today. It is a miracle he is still allowed on the system

The video shows him trying to use his boat to break though some CHAINED UP FLOOD GATES!!!!

He is barking and actually GROWLED at me eeek:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tpye2ovfGY4&authuser=0 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tpye2ovfGY4&authuser=0)

What a nutter!  whacky115

Are you sure it wasn't Growler...?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on July 02, 2023, 04:28:33 PM
He came back today going the other way eeek:

He was so foul tempered that I left him to get though the lock by himself. Took him 45 minutes  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on July 02, 2023, 05:15:44 PM
He came back today going the other way eeek:

He was so foul tempered that I left him to get though the lock by himself. Took him 45 minutes  eveilgrin:
:thumbsup:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on July 03, 2023, 05:49:43 AM
He came back today going the other way eeek:

He was so foul tempered that I left him to get though the lock by himself. Took him 45 minutes  eveilgrin:

 eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on July 08, 2023, 05:18:47 PM
I hate these bastards evil:
(https://i.postimg.cc/7J2h6Kf3/IMG-2088.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/7J2h6Kf3)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on July 08, 2023, 08:03:21 PM
I hate these bastards evil:
(https://i.postimg.cc/7J2h6Kf3/IMG-2088.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/7J2h6Kf3)
And you really don't want to annoy them
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on July 08, 2023, 08:44:34 PM
I hate these bastards evil:
(https://i.postimg.cc/7J2h6Kf3/IMG-2088.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/7J2h6Kf3)

Time for my Isle of wight ferry joke.......... rubschin:    Thumbs:  similar thread ..
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on July 15, 2023, 06:46:42 PM
He came back today going the other way eeek:

He was so foul tempered that I left him to get though the lock by himself. Took him 45 minutes  eveilgrin:



 eveilgrin:

And again evil:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on August 26, 2023, 05:43:22 PM
Went to my fave lock this morning and let two boats through. Got asked to move one lock upstream that was unmanned as it is quite a challenging lock. Drove there and met the same two boats.

Convinced the puzzled crews that I was not the same lock keeper and that the guy they had met earlier was my identical twin brother. They were amazed and actually took some photos of me.

“It’s incredible. You are like peas in a pod!”

 eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 26, 2023, 06:14:13 PM
Egad, Twin Nicks.....???  scared2:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on August 26, 2023, 06:47:35 PM
Went to my fave lock this morning and let two boats through. Got asked to move one lock upstream that was unmanned as it is quite a challenging lock. Drove there and met the same two boats.

Convinced the puzzled crews that I was not the same lock keeper and that the guy they had met earlier was my identical twin brother. They were amazed and actually took some photos of me.

“It’s incredible. You are like peas in a pod!”

 eveilgrin:
lol: :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on August 27, 2023, 05:52:16 AM
Went to my fave lock this morning and let two boats through. Got asked to move one lock upstream that was unmanned as it is quite a challenging lock. Drove there and met the same two boats.

Convinced the puzzled crews that I was not the same lock keeper and that the guy they had met earlier was my identical twin brother. They were amazed and actually took some photos of me.

“It’s incredible. You are like peas in a pod!”

 eveilgrin:

happy001
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on August 28, 2023, 04:55:00 PM
Hectic boating day at national waterspouts centre  NickSick
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on August 28, 2023, 07:22:10 PM
Hectic boating day at national waterspouts centre  NickSick
Did you get your twin brother to help out?
 
Popcorn:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on August 28, 2023, 07:33:24 PM
 redface:hut
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on August 29, 2023, 05:30:07 AM
Hectic boating day at national waterspouts centre  NickSick
Did you get your twin brother to help out?
 
Popcorn:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on September 09, 2023, 11:11:05 AM
Liaising with the Plod angel1
(https://i.postimg.cc/WdLg0V8W/A72-D2-C3-F-2273-4-B28-89-CF-44-F81-B1-F8-C9-F.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/WdLg0V8W)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on September 09, 2023, 01:32:46 PM
Liaising with the Plod angel1
(https://i.postimg.cc/WdLg0V8W/A72-D2-C3-F-2273-4-B28-89-CF-44-F81-B1-F8-C9-F.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/WdLg0V8W)
Popcorn:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on September 09, 2023, 03:03:26 PM
Liaising with the Plod angel1
(https://i.postimg.cc/WdLg0V8W/A72-D2-C3-F-2273-4-B28-89-CF-44-F81-B1-F8-C9-F.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/WdLg0V8W)


Did you push him in?  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on September 09, 2023, 04:37:13 PM
It got more exciting this afternoon. Details when I have recovered
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on September 09, 2023, 05:50:31 PM
So this lock is popular with swimmers because of its location. They make a mess, abuse boaters, use drugs and shit everywhere. Drives the locals, the boaters and the Watersports Centre nuts.

It is a well known and persistent problem. The Plod came for a visit from 11.15 to 1.00. No problems . They have a Dispersal Order they can use if it gets bad. They give me a number to call and leave.

By about 2.30 there were about 200+ kids swimming

2.45 the radio chirps up. This is cruiser Metal Pirate. We are Hell’s Angels. We are sick of these swimmers and we are taking action now! We have baseball bats.

I call my boss. She is an ex plod inspector. She says call 999. I do.

6 cars, a van, dogs and a helicopter!!!

Metal Pirate turned back shadowed by helicopter. Police execute Dispersal Order and teenagers get mouthy. Several arrests

I leave  NickSick
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on September 09, 2023, 07:46:38 PM
So this lock is popular with swimmers because of its location. They make a mess, abuse boaters, use drugs and shit everywhere. Drives the locals, the boaters and the Watersports Centre nuts.

It is a well known and persistent problem. The Plod came for a visit from 11.15 to 1.00. No problems . They have a Dispersal Order they can use if it gets bad. They give me a number to call and leave.

By about 2.30 there were about 200+ kids swimming

2.45 the radio chirps up. This is cruiser Metal Pirate. We are Hell’s Angels. We are sick of these swimmers and we are taking action now! We have baseball bats.

I call my boss. She is an ex plod inspector. She says call 999. I do.

6 cars, a van, dogs and a helicopter!!!

Metal Pirate turned back shadowed by helicopter. Police execute Dispersal Order and teenagers get mouthy. Several arrests

I leave  NickSick
:thumbsup:

You should have sold tickets
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on September 10, 2023, 06:06:59 AM
So this lock is popular with swimmers because of its location. They make a mess, abuse boaters, use drugs and shit everywhere. Drives the locals, the boaters and the Watersports Centre nuts.

It is a well known and persistent problem. The Plod came for a visit from 11.15 to 1.00. No problems . They have a Dispersal Order they can use if it gets bad. They give me a number to call and leave.

By about 2.30 there were about 200+ kids swimming

2.45 the radio chirps up. This is cruiser Metal Pirate. We are Hell’s Angels. We are sick of these swimmers and we are taking action now! We have baseball bats.

I call my boss. She is an ex plod inspector. She says call 999. I do.

6 cars, a van, dogs and a helicopter!!!

Metal Pirate turned back shadowed by helicopter. Police execute Dispersal Order and teenagers get mouthy. Several arrests

I leave  NickSick


Oh, we're proud of you Nick, well done!  Thumbs:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on October 08, 2023, 05:39:06 PM
Season ends at end of month, sadly tainted by a fellow lock keeper who doesn’t like me and is trying to make my life misery. I have a cunning plan eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 08, 2023, 05:52:37 PM
Season ends at end of month, sadly tainted by a fellow lock keeper who doesn’t like me and is trying to make my life misery. I have a cunning plan eveilgrin:

what could possibly go right..?  whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on October 08, 2023, 05:58:57 PM
Season ends at end of month, sadly tainted by a fellow lock keeper who doesn’t like me and is trying to make my life misery. I have a cunning plan eveilgrin:

what could possibly go right..?  whistle:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 09, 2023, 06:30:45 PM
Quote from: Local Bird

Look I'm telling you, that big 2 legged thing with the orange crest over there is bloody odd. Just watch it for a while and you'll see what I mean.

(https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2023/10/04/15/76163117-0-image-a-25_1696429844783.jpg)

 whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on October 10, 2023, 05:29:27 AM
Quote from: Local Bird

Look I'm telling you, that big 2 legged thing with the orange crest over there is bloody odd. Just watch it for a while and you'll see what I mean.

(https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2023/10/04/15/76163117-0-image-a-25_1696429844783.jpg)

 whistle:

 lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on October 10, 2023, 06:44:31 AM
 ::)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on October 29, 2023, 09:04:37 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/G4HKSdK0/A85-A7275-3-D51-49-C7-8-DF5-591-DA7-E5-BE6-F.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/G4HKSdK0)

Nice day for the last day of the year
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on October 29, 2023, 10:54:02 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/G4HKSdK0/A85-A7275-3-D51-49-C7-8-DF5-591-DA7-E5-BE6-F.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/G4HKSdK0)

Nice day for the last day of the year
:thumbsup:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on November 01, 2023, 06:24:13 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/G4HKSdK0/A85-A7275-3-D51-49-C7-8-DF5-591-DA7-E5-BE6-F.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/G4HKSdK0)

Nice day for the last day of the year

So what now, do the canals close or is it DIY...?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on November 01, 2023, 06:48:54 AM
DIY
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on November 01, 2023, 09:02:58 AM
DIY

 scared2:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on November 02, 2023, 02:33:06 AM
DIY

 scared2:

Don't worry BM, Nick was talking about how the locks will operate for now and not his plans for the next couple of days..  whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on November 06, 2023, 06:17:59 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/G4HKSdK0/A85-A7275-3-D51-49-C7-8-DF5-591-DA7-E5-BE6-F.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/G4HKSdK0)

Nice day for the last day of the year

 rubschin:  off to check calendar....
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on January 08, 2024, 01:29:59 PM
The floods are causing a few problems at the locks…


(https://i.postimg.cc/Tpq7kdxK/F978-B336-2-C50-4891-B735-788-E61-AD5-CCC.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Tpq7kdxK)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on January 08, 2024, 01:37:15 PM
The floods are causing a few problems at the locks…


(https://i.postimg.cc/Tpq7kdxK/F978-B336-2-C50-4891-B735-788-E61-AD5-CCC.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Tpq7kdxK)
noooo:

Did any of the buildings you use get flooded, some of the pics i saw suggested so.
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on January 08, 2024, 02:18:23 PM
Yes. Lots of electrical damage
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on January 08, 2024, 04:59:19 PM
The floods are causing a few problems at the locks…


(https://i.postimg.cc/Tpq7kdxK/F978-B336-2-C50-4891-B735-788-E61-AD5-CCC.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Tpq7kdxK)

You can't park that there!  cussing:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on January 08, 2024, 07:04:46 PM
Yes. Lots of electrical damage
noooo: noooo: noooo:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on March 04, 2024, 12:54:54 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/phYtJT9G/430716695-10230723630492972-6250257226939326151-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/phYtJT9G)



Oh dear Nick, what have you done this time...?  noooo:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on March 04, 2024, 08:10:14 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/phYtJT9G/430716695-10230723630492972-6250257226939326151-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/phYtJT9G)



Oh dear Nick, what have you done this time...?  noooo:

Followed your plumbing instructions..  whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on March 04, 2024, 09:44:44 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/phYtJT9G/430716695-10230723630492972-6250257226939326151-n.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/phYtJT9G)



Oh dear Nick, what have you done this time...?  noooo:

Followed your plumbing instructions..  whistle:

 evil:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2024 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on March 29, 2024, 05:28:59 PM
First of the year


(https://i.postimg.cc/NyZZ3Hn6/IMG-1525.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/NyZZ3Hn6)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2024 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on March 29, 2024, 05:54:46 PM
First of the year


(https://i.postimg.cc/NyZZ3Hn6/IMG-1525.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/NyZZ3Hn6)

 cloud9:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2024 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on March 29, 2024, 06:59:27 PM
First of the year


(https://i.postimg.cc/NyZZ3Hn6/IMG-1525.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/NyZZ3Hn6)

 cloud9:
:thumbsup:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 01, 2024, 03:10:09 PM
The river has reopened  :thumbsup:

National Watersports centre tomorrow
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on April 01, 2024, 03:35:19 PM
The river has reopened  :thumbsup:

National Watersports centre tomorrow

 Thumbs:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2024, 03:55:22 PM
Only 2 boats all day  noooo:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on April 02, 2024, 04:31:48 PM
Only 2 boats all day  noooo:


Did they collide?  lol:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 02, 2024, 06:54:23 PM
One was a nutter. Never been on a narrow boat and never been through a lock. He bought a narrow boat in Newark and was taking it to London  eeek:

He appeared to be regretting it noooo:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on April 02, 2024, 07:10:57 PM
One was a nutter. Never been on a narrow boat and never been through a lock. He bought a narrow boat in Newark and was taking it to London  eeek:

He appeared to be regretting it noooo:

Well if you are going to start boating a “narrow” one is a good place to start …?
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on April 03, 2024, 11:32:51 PM
One was a nutter. Never been on a narrow boat and never been through a lock. He bought a narrow boat in Newark and was taking it to London  eeek:

He appeared to be regretting it noooo:

To be fair buying the boat and transporting it to moor in London is probably going to work out cheaper than trying to rent there.  rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on April 04, 2024, 12:38:40 PM
Plus boat home pissed from boozer …. Thumbs:    When my father lived in Richmond there was a pub on the river where all these old boys drank then boated home … ; smile: smile: …they were real characters … cloud9: 
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 20, 2024, 12:48:51 PM
Someone lost this and the bastard refuses to leave the lock evil:
(https://i.postimg.cc/PCFmkGFv/IMG-1597.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/PCFmkGFv)

(https://i.postimg.cc/V01tFz5p/IMG-1598.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/V01tFz5p)

(https://i.postimg.cc/CdVr2D8T/IMG-1600.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/CdVr2D8T)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on April 20, 2024, 01:44:16 PM
 noooo:  well that butt plug must have cost him ££££
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on April 20, 2024, 03:48:05 PM
Someone lost this and the bastard refuses to leave the lock evil:
(https://i.postimg.cc/PCFmkGFv/IMG-1597.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/PCFmkGFv)

(https://i.postimg.cc/V01tFz5p/IMG-1598.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/V01tFz5p)

(https://i.postimg.cc/CdVr2D8T/IMG-1600.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/CdVr2D8T)


Couldn't one of the boats grab it for you...?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 20, 2024, 03:57:05 PM
There is a picture of one trying to do that  ::)

Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on May 30, 2024, 05:27:40 PM
Someone has abandoned 2 peacocks at Lonely Widow Island  rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on May 30, 2024, 09:46:15 PM
Someone has abandoned 2 peacocks at Lonely Widow Island  rubschin:
Bizarre and very sad
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on May 31, 2024, 11:00:13 PM
Someone has abandoned 2 peacocks at Lonely Widow Island  rubschin:

That statement needs a punchline … rubschin:

Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on June 02, 2024, 09:11:20 AM
Someone has abandoned 2 peacocks at Lonely Widow Island  rubschin:

That statement needs a punchline … rubschin:

That will come naturally as at some point Nick will end up being asked to help with something regarding them.  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on June 16, 2024, 05:15:13 PM
Top tip

When a lock keeper has a word with you about the torrent of complaints from anglers, moorings and other boats about travelling at 4 times the legal speed limit do NOT say, “Piss off, Grandad”.

We lock keepers actually have ways of getting revenge  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on June 16, 2024, 06:58:40 PM
Top tip

When a lock keeper has a word with you about the torrent of complaints from anglers, moorings and other boats about travelling at 4 times the legal speed limit do NOT say, “Piss off, Grandad”.

We lock keepers actually have ways of getting revenge  eveilgrin:
:thumbsup:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on June 16, 2024, 10:33:47 PM
Quote from: Nick link=topic=15042.msg764887 Thumbs: Thumbs:#msg764887 date=1718558113
Top tip

When a lock keeper has a word with you about the torrent of complaints from anglers, moorings and other boats about travelling at 4 times the legal speed limit do NOT say, “Piss off, Grandad”.

We lock keepers actually have ways of getting revenge  eveilgrin:
:thumbsup:

Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on June 17, 2024, 05:45:43 AM
Top tip

When a lock keeper has a word with you about the torrent of complaints from anglers, moorings and other boats about travelling at 4 times the legal speed limit do NOT say, “Piss off, Grandad”.

We lock keepers actually have ways of getting revenge  eveilgrin:


happy001

Popcorn:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on June 21, 2024, 11:58:30 AM
A radio call floods in. It’s a young woman.

I am on the way to you but the engine has caught fire and I don’t know what to do
 eeek:

I suggest you turn it off!

Good idea. Then I’ll phone my dad  :thumbsup:

I think she’s adrift…
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on June 21, 2024, 02:17:08 PM
A radio call floods in. It’s a young woman.

I am on the way to you but the engine has caught fire and I don’t know what to do
 eeek:

I suggest you turn it off!

Good idea. Then I’ll phone my dad  :thumbsup:

I think she’s adrift…


In distress …. eyes:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on June 21, 2024, 02:58:19 PM
A radio call floods in. It’s a young woman.

I am on the way to you but the engine has caught fire and I don’t know what to do
 eeek:

I suggest you turn it off!

Good idea. Then I’ll phone my dad  :thumbsup:

I think she’s adrift…
Popcorn:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on June 21, 2024, 04:24:54 PM
Persuaded a narrow boat to tow her to a local boatyard  angel1
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on June 21, 2024, 05:58:41 PM
Persuaded a narrow boat to tow her to a local boatyard  angel1

Did you get her phone number ..just to check up on her … whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on June 21, 2024, 06:26:27 PM
Yes, but no angel1
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on June 21, 2024, 06:37:21 PM
Persuaded a narrow boat to tow her to a local boatyard  angel1
TMJs  (c Apey)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on June 21, 2024, 09:36:45 PM
Persuaded a narrow boat to tow her to a local boatyard  angel1
TMJs  (c Apey)

 Thumbs:  Yep….
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on June 22, 2024, 06:45:26 AM
 She needs a new pump  angel1
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on June 22, 2024, 07:24:38 AM
She needs a new pump  angel1

 Spank2: Spank2: Spank2:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on June 22, 2024, 09:22:21 AM
She needs a new pump  angel1
;D

Surprised she's still alive after being towed to that boatyard.   What happened to the boat BTW?
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on June 22, 2024, 10:06:32 AM
I can see it from here
(https://i.postimg.cc/rztDMq3H/image.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/rztDMq3H)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on July 07, 2024, 04:50:51 PM
27 boats  eeek:

 NickSick
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on July 27, 2024, 11:01:20 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/jCCFB8DM/IMG-1886.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/jCCFB8DM)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on July 27, 2024, 11:06:12 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/jCCFB8DM/IMG-1886.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/jCCFB8DM)

 eeek: rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on July 27, 2024, 01:54:09 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/jCCFB8DM/IMG-1886.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/jCCFB8DM)
eeek:  lol:

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on July 27, 2024, 04:57:03 PM
Good day which collapsed into a comedic shambles with me yelling at people, including a very drunk nun! angel1
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on July 27, 2024, 05:02:50 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/jCCFB8DM/IMG-1886.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/jCCFB8DM)

 eeek: rubschin:

Were they hoping for divine intervention after hearing Nick was working?  whistle:

Good day which collapsed into a comedic shambles with me yelling at people, including a very drunk nun! angel1

Hitting the holy spirit you say..  whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on July 31, 2024, 08:17:25 AM
In me lock

https://www.adls.org.uk/nyula (https://www.adls.org.uk/nyula)
(https://i.postimg.cc/kDSYbrrZ/IMG-1894.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/kDSYbrrZ)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on July 31, 2024, 09:29:23 AM
In me lock

https://www.adls.org.uk/nyula (https://www.adls.org.uk/nyula)
(https://i.postimg.cc/kDSYbrrZ/IMG-1894.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/kDSYbrrZ)

A little ship...  cloud9:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on August 03, 2024, 05:15:22 PM
Cookers!!  Got two carrier bags to cook and freeze. Next month: free pears  cloud9:
(https://i.postimg.cc/F711pY5t/IMG-1901.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/F711pY5t)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on August 03, 2024, 06:01:19 PM
Cookers!!  Got two carrier bags to cook and freeze. Next month: free pears  cloud9:
(https://i.postimg.cc/F711pY5t/IMG-1901.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/F711pY5t)
:thumbsup:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on August 03, 2024, 10:49:58 PM
Cookers!!  Got two carrier bags to cook and freeze. Next month: free pears  cloud9:
(https://i.postimg.cc/F711pY5t/IMG-1901.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/F711pY5t)

What carrier bag recipe is that ….?… rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on August 04, 2024, 09:05:15 AM
Cookers!!  Got two carrier bags to cook and freeze. Next month: free pears  cloud9:
(https://i.postimg.cc/F711pY5t/IMG-1901.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/F711pY5t)

What carrier bag recipe is that ….?… rubschin:
drumroll:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on August 07, 2024, 10:13:21 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/7bbs1djC/IMG-1917.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/7bbs1djC)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on August 08, 2024, 05:39:59 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/7bbs1djC/IMG-1917.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/7bbs1djC)


Cor!
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on August 18, 2024, 10:30:44 AM
The river is full of drunk lunatics using boats like dodgem cars ::)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on August 18, 2024, 04:17:24 PM
The river is full of drunk lunatics using boats like dodgem cars ::)
Darwinism by drowning?
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on August 18, 2024, 05:29:52 PM
Today has been bonkers!
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on August 18, 2024, 09:30:50 PM
Today has been bonkers!

Off to get popcorn…. Thumbs:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on August 19, 2024, 03:07:56 AM
Today has been bonkers!

Off to get popcorn…. Thumbs:

Sweet, salted, mixed or with the dodgy looking seasoning you finally got from BM..  whistle:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on August 19, 2024, 05:59:55 AM
Today has been bonkers!

Off to get popcorn…. Thumbs:

Sweet, salted, mixed or with the dodgy looking seasoning you finally got from BM..  whistle:


 cussing:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on August 26, 2024, 05:00:09 PM
Had two complaints today :thumbsup:  Official, like, via the hotline  :thumbsup: angel1

1. Huge expensive cruiser (£300000) owned by twat complained he had been delayed as lock took “too long to fill” . It holds 1.8 million gallons. The boss asked them how long they would like it to take.  No reply yet.

2. Good practice is to get steel boats into lock before fibre glass to minimise
Risk of collisions . Got two big steel boats and peroxide woman complains that she should have got in first as she had been “ waiting longer”. Boss told her that getting on the plane first didn’t get her to Spain before everyone else  lol:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on August 26, 2024, 05:19:02 PM
Had two complaints today :thumbsup:  Official, like, via the hotline  :thumbsup: angel1

1. Huge expensive cruiser (£300000) owned by twat complained he had been delayed as lock took “too long to fill” . It holds 1.8 million gallons. The boss asked them how long they would like it to take.  No reply yet.

2. Good practice is to get steel boats into lock before fibre glass to minimise
Risk of collisions . Got two big steel boats and peroxide woman complains that she should have got in first as she had been “ waiting longer”. Boss told her that getting on the plane first didn’t get her to Spain before everyone else  lol:

 Shocked:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on August 26, 2024, 05:23:16 PM
Had two complaints today :thumbsup:  Official, like, via the hotline  :thumbsup: angel1

1. Huge expensive cruiser (£300000) owned by twat complained he had been delayed as lock took “too long to fill” . It holds 1.8 million gallons. The boss asked them how long they would like it to take.  No reply yet.

2. Good practice is to get steel boats into lock before fibre glass to minimise
Risk of collisions . Got two big steel boats and peroxide woman complains that she should have got in first as she had been “ waiting longer”. Boss told her that getting on the plane first didn’t get her to Spain before everyone else  lol:
lol: lol: lol:  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on August 27, 2024, 05:51:52 AM
Had two complaints today :thumbsup:  Official, like, via the hotline  :thumbsup: angel1

1. Huge expensive cruiser (£300000) owned by twat complained he had been delayed as lock took “too long to fill” . It holds 1.8 million gallons. The boss asked them how long they would like it to take.  No reply yet.

2. Good practice is to get steel boats into lock before fibre glass to minimise
Risk of collisions . Got two big steel boats and peroxide woman complains that she should have got in first as she had been “ waiting longer”. Boss told her that getting on the plane first didn’t get her to Spain before everyone else  lol:


happy001
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on August 31, 2024, 05:55:27 PM
1 alcoholic druggy threatening other boaters with a baseball bat and suggesting extreme punishment to two gay guys on a narrow boat. Police called and man and his two Rottweilers taken away in two vans. Noisy.

Entitled daddy’s girl in new boat (18th birthday present!) causing chaos at every lock and knows better than us what to do managed to smash a hole in the hull. She has had the boat for 2days.

Suggested she call Daddy. Boat now moored and taking on water.
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on August 31, 2024, 06:22:48 PM
1 alcoholic druggy threatening other boaters with a baseball bat and suggesting extreme punishment to two gay guys on a narrow boat. Police called and man and his two Rottweilers taken away in two vans. Noisy.

Entitled daddy’s girl in new boat (18th birthday present!) causing chaos at every lock and knows better than us what to do managed to smash a hole in the hull. She has had the boat for 2days.

Suggested she call Daddy. Boat now moored and taking on water.
Wow!

And I shouldn't but  lol: lol: lol:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on August 31, 2024, 06:59:18 PM
1 alcoholic druggy threatening other boaters with a baseball bat and suggesting extreme punishment to two gay guys on a narrow boat. Police called and man and his two Rottweilers taken away in two vans. Noisy.

Entitled daddy’s girl in new boat (18th birthday present!) causing chaos at every lock and knows better than us what to do managed to smash a hole in the hull. She has had the boat for 2days.

Suggested she call Daddy. Boat now moored and taking on water.

Get salvage rights … .. Thumbs: ..
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on August 31, 2024, 07:03:00 PM
 rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on August 31, 2024, 07:03:45 PM
rubschin:

Buy lots of balloons … rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on September 04, 2024, 03:55:54 PM
Dealing with the Plod.

Crackpot boater turned up. “Report on sight”.

Keeps threatening people with knives.
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on September 04, 2024, 07:25:57 PM
Dealing with the Plod.

Crackpot boater turned up. “Report on sight”.

Keeps threatening people with knives.
eeek:   noooo:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on September 15, 2024, 04:32:40 PM
Taught some snotty boaters a lesson today . Cruel to be kind, of course, but I enjoy the cruel bit  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on September 15, 2024, 05:15:53 PM
Taught some snotty boaters a lesson today . Cruel to be kind, of course, but I enjoy the cruel bit  eveilgrin:

Do telll…….
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on September 15, 2024, 05:43:24 PM
Long story, but trust me they suffered a lot cloud9: eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on September 15, 2024, 07:16:23 PM
Long story, but trust me they suffered a lot cloud9: eveilgrin:
We have time  Popcorn:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on October 03, 2024, 01:30:16 PM
Floods. All locks closed. sad24:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on October 03, 2024, 01:48:10 PM
Floods. All locks closed. sad24:

Do they just go over them … rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on October 03, 2024, 02:14:10 PM
 evil:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on October 03, 2024, 02:47:58 PM
Floods. All locks closed. sad24:


Praps that is why it is flooding...?  rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on October 03, 2024, 04:27:25 PM
I am surrounded by idiots  evil:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on October 03, 2024, 05:56:16 PM
I am surrounded by idiots  evil:

 cloud9: Makes us all feel at home …..
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on October 03, 2024, 06:30:00 PM
I am surrounded by idiots  evil:

 cloud9: Makes us all feel at home …..
:thumbsup:

Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Grumpmeister on October 04, 2024, 12:37:44 AM
I am surrounded by idiots  evil:

Are you stuck in that hall of mirrors again?  noooo:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 18, 2025, 10:26:09 AM
Unusual


(https://i.postimg.cc/gn0rJHFy/IMG-2412.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/gn0rJHFy)

(https://i.postimg.cc/s1mvs08D/IMG-2413.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/s1mvs08D)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2023 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on April 18, 2025, 12:10:42 PM
Unusual


(https://i.postimg.cc/gn0rJHFy/IMG-2412.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/gn0rJHFy)

(https://i.postimg.cc/s1mvs08D/IMG-2413.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/s1mvs08D)

They aint gonna have much of a race in there...  noooo:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 26, 2025, 08:13:52 AM
Ah yes, 400 paddle boarders  Shocked:
(https://i.postimg.cc/0rctRRG1/IMG-2419.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/0rctRRG1)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on April 26, 2025, 08:37:14 AM
Ah yes, 400 paddle boarders  Shocked:
(https://i.postimg.cc/0rctRRG1/IMG-2419.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/0rctRRG1)
facepalm:

That was 20 minutes ago, how many still alive now?
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 26, 2025, 09:00:40 AM
It’s like an infestation, they’re everywhere
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on April 26, 2025, 09:42:22 AM
Ah yes, 400 paddle boarders  Shocked:
(https://i.postimg.cc/0rctRRG1/IMG-2419.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/0rctRRG1)


I've got a SUP...  cloud9:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 26, 2025, 02:13:24 PM
Have had to call in a police Armed Response Unit !! scared2:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on April 26, 2025, 02:36:57 PM
Have had to call in a police Armed Response Unit !! scared2:
eeek: eeek: eeek:

Popcorn:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 26, 2025, 05:09:52 PM
Just going home. Full report tomorrow  NickSick
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on April 26, 2025, 05:50:40 PM
Have had to call in a police Armed Response Unit !! scared2:


 rubschin:   Do we have enough unseasoned popcorn …… rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on April 27, 2025, 07:50:50 AM
Have had to call in a police Armed Response Unit !! scared2:


 rubschin:   Do we have enough unseasoned popcorn …… rubschin:


 evil:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 27, 2025, 12:11:10 PM
Ok, so two boats come down the river VERY fast creating significant wake. This annoys other boaters. They enter the lock. They are a bit “rough” and indicate they are waiting for a third boat.

We wait.

An irate guy arrives on foot. He is from a narrow boat moored about 200 yards above the lock. I know him. Ex forces. Loner. Lives on the boat.

He starts in at me about damage to his boat and I suggest he deals directly with the culprits who are still in the lock and are returning upstream later.

He demands an apology. He gets abuse.
He returns the abuse. He then says, very coldly, that he has a gun and will shoot them as they go past him later.

I try to calm the situation. He returns to his boat. I gather names and numbers and call my boss. She ex-Police Inspector. She tells me to dial 999.

I do. Within 15 minutes 4 cars with armed police, a van, an unmarked car arrive. A helicopter is overhead

Guy is taken away in handcuffs

Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on April 27, 2025, 01:24:17 PM
Ok, so two boats come down the river VERY fast creating significant wake. This annoys other boaters. They enter the lock. They are a bit “rough” and indicate they are waiting for a third boat.

We wait.

An irate guy arrives on foot. He is from a narrow boat moored about 200 yards above the lock. I know him. Ex forces. Loner. Lives on the boat.

He starts in at me about damage to his boat and I suggest he deals directly with the culprits who are still in the lock and are returning upstream later.

He demands an apology. He gets abuse.
He returns the abuse. He then says, very coldly, that he has a gun and will shoot them as they go past him later.

I try to calm the situation. He returns to his boat. I gather names and numbers and call my boss. She ex-Police Inspector. She tells me to dial 999.

I do. Within 15 minutes 4 cars with armed police, a van, an unmarked car arrive. A helicopter is overhead

Guy is taken away in handcuffs


Good grief!  eeek:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on April 27, 2025, 02:18:46 PM
Ok, so two boats come down the river VERY fast creating significant wake. This annoys other boaters. They enter the lock. They are a bit “rough” and indicate they are waiting for a third boat.

We wait.

An irate guy arrives on foot. He is from a narrow boat moored about 200 yards above the lock. I know him. Ex forces. Loner. Lives on the boat.

He starts in at me about damage to his boat and I suggest he deals directly with the culprits who are still in the lock and are returning upstream later.

He demands an apology. He gets abuse.
He returns the abuse. He then says, very coldly, that he has a gun and will shoot them as they go past him later.

I try to calm the situation. He returns to his boat. I gather names and numbers and call my boss. She ex-Police Inspector. She tells me to dial 999.

I do. Within 15 minutes 4 cars with armed police, a van, an unmarked car arrive. A helicopter is overhead

Guy is taken away in handcuffs


Good grief!  eeek:
eeek: eeek:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on April 28, 2025, 06:28:37 PM
Ok, so two boats come down the river VERY fast creating significant wake. This annoys other boaters. They enter the lock. They are a bit “rough” and indicate they are waiting for a third boat.

We wait.

An irate guy arrives on foot. He is from a narrow boat moored about 200 yards above the lock. I know him. Ex forces. Loner. Lives on the boat.

He starts in at me about damage to his boat and I suggest he deals directly with the culprits who are still in the lock and are returning upstream later.

He demands an apology. He gets abuse.
He returns the abuse. He then says, very coldly, that he has a gun and will shoot them as they go past him later.

I try to calm the situation. He returns to his boat. I gather names and numbers and call my boss. She ex-Police Inspector. She tells me to dial 999.

I do. Within 15 minutes 4 cars with armed police, a van, an unmarked car arrive. A helicopter is overhead

Guy is taken away in handcuffs


Good grief!  eeek:
eeek: eeek:

Did he have a gun …?…
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on April 28, 2025, 06:38:01 PM
Yes!!!
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on April 28, 2025, 06:52:44 PM
I thought guns were more a Moat thing …. whistle:     redface:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on May 03, 2025, 11:08:34 AM
6 of these rowing from Nottingham to Boston  Shocked:


(https://i.postimg.cc/Hc9C9pTG/IMG-2433.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Hc9C9pTG)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on May 03, 2025, 11:30:46 AM
6 of these rowing from Nottingham to Boston  Shocked:


(https://i.postimg.cc/Hc9C9pTG/IMG-2433.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Hc9C9pTG)
For a Tea Party?   ;)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on May 03, 2025, 01:31:47 PM
6 of these rowing from Nottingham to Boston  Shocked:


(https://i.postimg.cc/Hc9C9pTG/IMG-2433.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Hc9C9pTG)


 eeek:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on May 03, 2025, 05:18:56 PM
6 of these rowing from Nottingham to Boston  Shocked:


(https://i.postimg.cc/Hc9C9pTG/IMG-2433.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Hc9C9pTG)
For a Tea Party?   ;)
smile:




Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on May 16, 2025, 05:27:27 PM
Exciting moments with the Environment Agency today!

Angling season starts June 16th. You need a licence. Heavy penalties for anything other.

Angler turns up at me lock. Starts catching and gutting fish. Not allowed. I call the fishing bailiff.

Bailiff calls EA who show up in their very high powered inflatable rib.  These guys (mainly ex military- tattooed with Mohawk haircuts!). They do not muck about. stab vests, night sticks and powers of arrest. They don’t do much talking. The guy was in handcuffs and in the boat within seconds!!
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on May 16, 2025, 08:15:17 PM
Exciting moments with the Environment Agency today!

Angling season starts June 16th. You need a licence. Heavy penalties for anything other.

Angler turns up at me lock. Starts catching and gutting fish. Not allowed. I call the fishing bailiff.

Bailiff calls EA who show up in their very high powered inflatable rib.  These guys (mainly ex military- tattooed with Mohawk haircuts!). They do not muck about. stab vests, night sticks and powers of arrest. They don’t do much talking. The guy was in handcuffs and in the boat within seconds!!
:thumbsup:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on May 17, 2025, 05:24:34 PM
A herd of annoying cow graze in a field near the lock. They often block my exit. They were there when I left tonight.

Incredibly I had a call just now from Notts Police asking if I knew who owned them. I don’t.

Apparently they have escaped from the field and are causing mayhem on the Nottingham to Lincoln railway line  eeek:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: apc2010 on May 17, 2025, 08:09:37 PM
A herd of annoying cow graze in a field near the lock. They often block my exit. They were there when I left tonight.

Incredibly I had a call just now from Notts Police asking if I knew who owned them. I don’t.

Apparently they have escaped from the field and are causing mayhem on the Nottingham to Lincoln railway line  eeek:

Cows on the line …. noooo:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on June 01, 2025, 03:33:17 PM
Top Tip

Don’t go to Newark and buy a narrow boat with the intention of taking the boat to London to live on it IF you’ve never owned or even piloted a boat on a canal, let alone a river  noooo:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on June 01, 2025, 03:34:50 PM
Top Tip

Don’t go to Newark and buy a narrow boat with the intention of taking the boat to London to live on it IF you’ve never owned or even piloted a boat on a canal, let alone a river  noooo:


Popcorn:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on June 01, 2025, 04:48:04 PM
And don’t declare you want to get to Nottingham tonight at 4.30 when it’s still 6 hours away and you don’t have a key to get through locks so you get sent back to Newark to buy said key and have to start again tomorrow.
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on June 01, 2025, 06:22:35 PM
And don’t declare you want to get to Nottingham tonight at 4.30 when it’s still 6 hours away and you don’t have a key to get through locks so you get sent back to Newark to buy said key and have to start again tomorrow.
:thumbsup:

happy001
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on June 01, 2025, 06:23:21 PM
You should write a book:  Canals for Dummies
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on June 02, 2025, 06:11:00 AM
You should write a book:  Canals for Dummies

 lol: lol: lol:  rubschin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on June 05, 2025, 11:55:04 AM
Utterly furious! Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9:

 evil:Lock keepers were asked to turn out in force today to help marshal a flotilla which had announced it was parading from Nottingham to Newark with flags and video cameras.

Pissing with rain  evil:


Flotilla turned out to be ONE boat. ONE!

I left and came home via tyre place  Banghead
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on June 05, 2025, 01:00:06 PM
Utterly furious! Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9:

 evil:Lock keepers were asked to turn out in force today to help marshal a flotilla which had announced it was parading from Nottingham to Newark with flags and video cameras.

Pissing with rain  evil:


Flotilla turned out to be ONE boat. ONE!

I left and came home via tyre place  Banghead
noooo:

It's becoming hard not to conclude that go-boating types are the world's thickest beings
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Barman on June 05, 2025, 01:32:11 PM
Utterly furious! Angry9: Angry9: Angry9: Angry9:

 evil:Lock keepers were asked to turn out in force today to help marshal a flotilla which had announced it was parading from Nottingham to Newark with flags and video cameras.

Pissing with rain  evil:


Flotilla turned out to be ONE boat. ONE!

I left and came home via tyre place  Banghead


Oh gawd, it is pride month isn't it...? ::)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on June 05, 2025, 02:37:53 PM
No

https://theboatingassociation.co.uk/history/ (https://theboatingassociation.co.uk/history/)
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on June 05, 2025, 06:28:17 PM
No

https://theboatingassociation.co.uk/history/ (https://theboatingassociation.co.uk/history/)
But from your observation it seems to be an association of just one  tunble:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on June 05, 2025, 07:05:26 PM
I’m still furious  cussing:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on June 05, 2025, 08:59:12 PM
I’m still furious  cussing:
You should be.  Has anyone apologised?
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Nick on June 06, 2025, 05:35:42 AM
My terrifying lady boss is on the case  eveilgrin:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on June 06, 2025, 09:10:49 AM
My terrifying lady boss is on the case  eveilgrin:
:thumbsup:
Title: Re: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread
Post by: Steve on June 06, 2025, 09:11:44 AM
They should rename '(TBA) The Boating Association' to 'The Boat Alone'