Disgusterous

Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 497493 times)

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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6015 on: May 26, 2020, 11:41:20 AM »
My next door neighbour told me to try Horse Manure on my Rhubarb.......... rubschin:




Tasted f55king horrible, I still prefer Custard............ noooo:

© Tommy Cooper 1957
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6016 on: May 26, 2020, 05:48:26 PM »
prolly an Affs but

When it's sunny I think 'Beer garden.'
When it rains I usually go to the pub for a while.
When it's snowing I like to sit in front of the TV with a case of Beer.
I'm starting to think I have a problem with the weather.
no matter how many instances of white swans we may have observed, this does not justify the conclusion that all swans are white.  (Karl Popper)

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6017 on: May 26, 2020, 06:34:32 PM »
A man is asking a farmer about his two cows.

Man: About how much milk do you get from them in a day?
Farmer: Which one, the brown one or the black one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man (looking puzzled): Ok.. what do you feed them?
Farmer: Which one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: She eats grass.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: She eats grass, too.
Man (becoming annoyed): Why do you keep asking me to specify which cow when the answers are the same?
Farmer: Because the brown cow is mine.
Man: Oh, and the black one?
Farmer: Itís mine, too.
no matter how many instances of white swans we may have observed, this does not justify the conclusion that all swans are white.  (Karl Popper)

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6018 on: May 26, 2020, 06:35:59 PM »
A man is asking a farmer about his two cows.

Man: About how much milk do you get from them in a day?
Farmer: Which one, the brown one or the black one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man (looking puzzled): Ok.. what do you feed them?
Farmer: Which one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: She eats grass.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: She eats grass, too.
Man (becoming annoyed): Why do you keep asking me to specify which cow when the answers are the same?
Farmer: Because the brown cow is mine.
Man: Oh, and the black one?
Farmer: Itís mine, too.

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Online Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6019 on: May 26, 2020, 06:40:50 PM »
prolly an Affs but

When it's sunny I think 'Beer garden.'
When it rains I usually go to the pub for a while.
When it's snowing I like to sit in front of the TV with a case of Beer.
I'm starting to think I have a problem with the weather.

 lol:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6020 on: May 27, 2020, 08:23:01 AM »
A man is asking a farmer about his two cows.

Man: About how much milk do you get from them in a day?
Farmer: Which one, the brown one or the black one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man (looking puzzled): Ok.. what do you feed them?
Farmer: Which one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: She eats grass.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: She eats grass, too.
Man (becoming annoyed): Why do you keep asking me to specify which cow when the answers are the same?
Farmer: Because the brown cow is mine.
Man: Oh, and the black one?
Farmer: Itís mine, too.

happy001
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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6021 on: May 27, 2020, 06:00:39 PM »
A man is asking a farmer about his two cows.

Man: About how much milk do you get from them in a day?
Farmer: Which one, the brown one or the black one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man (looking puzzled): Ok.. what do you feed them?
Farmer: Which one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: She eats grass.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: She eats grass, too.
Man (becoming annoyed): Why do you keep asking me to specify which cow when the answers are the same?
Farmer: Because the brown cow is mine.
Man: Oh, and the black one?
Farmer: Itís mine, too.

happy001
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I mostly despair

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6022 on: May 27, 2020, 06:29:42 PM »
Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. But he was born with no ears.
Johnny and his mom went to visit the baby and Johnny was warned not to mention its ears or else he would get a spanking.
Johnny looked at the baby and said, "my, what a lovely baby, beautiful feet, hands and skin. How is his eyesight?"
The baby's mom said it was perfect.
Johnny replied, "that's good because he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses."
no matter how many instances of white swans we may have observed, this does not justify the conclusion that all swans are white.  (Karl Popper)

Online Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6023 on: May 27, 2020, 07:43:20 PM »
Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. But he was born with no ears.
Johnny and his mom went to visit the baby and Johnny was warned not to mention its ears or else he would get a spanking.
Johnny looked at the baby and said, "my, what a lovely baby, beautiful feet, hands and skin. How is his eyesight?"
The baby's mom said it was perfect.
Johnny replied, "that's good because he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses."

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LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6024 on: May 28, 2020, 05:06:34 AM »
Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. But he was born with no ears.
Johnny and his mom went to visit the baby and Johnny was warned not to mention its ears or else he would get a spanking.
Johnny looked at the baby and said, "my, what a lovely baby, beautiful feet, hands and skin. How is his eyesight?"
The baby's mom said it was perfect.
Johnny replied, "that's good because he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses."

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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6025 on: May 28, 2020, 11:56:42 AM »
Today I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a little rucksack and went up to the lake district,
walked for about 5 miles stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a flask of coffee.
Then I walked another 5 miles and had a biscuit and then I..........

Sorry, i'm rambling.
no matter how many instances of white swans we may have observed, this does not justify the conclusion that all swans are white.  (Karl Popper)

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6026 on: May 28, 2020, 12:06:56 PM »
Today I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a little rucksack and went up to the lake district,
walked for about 5 miles stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a flask of coffee.
Then I walked another 5 miles and had a biscuit and then I..........

Sorry, i'm rambling.

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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6027 on: May 28, 2020, 12:34:41 PM »
Today I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a little rucksack and went up to the lake district,
walked for about 5 miles stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a flask of coffee.
Then I walked another 5 miles and had a biscuit and then I..........

Sorry, i'm rambling.

 lol: lol: lol:

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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6028 on: May 28, 2020, 02:52:45 PM »
Today I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a little rucksack and went up to the lake district,
walked for about 5 miles stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a flask of coffee.
Then I walked another 5 miles and had a biscuit and then I..........

Sorry, i'm rambling.

 lol: lol: lol:

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
I mostly despair

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6029 on: May 30, 2020, 11:35:09 AM »
An ugly bird came up to me in the pub and said,"What does reincarnation mean?"


I said,"It means when you die,you come back as something else".....




She said,"When i die i'm gonna come back as a dog!" ............



I said,"You're not fuckin listening love!...... redface: