Disgusterous

Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 497506 times)

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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5985 on: May 15, 2020, 09:25:04 AM »
So this bloke walks into a pub and the barman says "Good evening sir, what can I get you to drink?"

The guy replies "A pint of bitter please". The barman pours the drink and asks for £3.60.

The man refuses to pay saying "You asked me what you could get me to drink and that constitutes an offer of a free drink".

The barman angrily replies "Now don't start messing me about. £3.60 please!"

With that another guy sat at the bar says to the barman, "Look, I don't want to interfere but I am a lawyer and your wording of what can I get you to drink could in law be taken as an offer of a free drink".

So the barman says to the customer "Enjoy your free pint then but don't you ever try that on with me again".

Well, the next night, the same guy goes into the same pub with the same barman.

The barman says "I'm ready for you pal". The bloke asks ""What are you talking about?"

The guy behind the bar says "You were in here last night conning me out of a free pint".

The punter replies "I don't think so. I've never been in this pub before in my life".

The barman sighs and says "Well, you must have a double then" to which the guy answers,





"Thank you very much, I'll have a whisky!"............ Thumbs:

 lol:
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no matter how many instances of white swans we may have observed, this does not justify the conclusion that all swans are white.  (Karl Popper)

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5986 on: May 17, 2020, 04:42:59 PM »
Today marks 6 weeks without any sugar.
I’ve stopped eating meat and dairy, too. no caffeine, zero alcohol.
Running two miles before breakfast.
I plan to make this my new life style. Completely vegan, gluten free, caffeine free and sugar free.
Also working out 2 hours a day.

I don’t know who’s status this is, but I was so proud of them I decided to copy and paste it..
no matter how many instances of white swans we may have observed, this does not justify the conclusion that all swans are white.  (Karl Popper)

Offline Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5987 on: May 17, 2020, 06:52:52 PM »
You are Miss I and I claim my £5
Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5988 on: May 17, 2020, 07:49:09 PM »
You are Miss I and I claim my £5

 eeek:

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5989 on: May 18, 2020, 05:34:32 PM »
An atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear.
The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man.
The atheist screams in terror. ‟ Oh God,help me!!!”
 Suddenly,everything--the bear,the trees,the birds,everything but the man--freezes. The man sees the clouds part as a deep heavenly voice reaches his ears.
 ‟So,all your life,You deny My existence,yet now you call for My aid now that death is upon you? I am sorry,My son,but it is too late.”
The atheist thinks quickly. ‟Well,God,if it is too late for me to become a Christian,how about you just convert the bear?”
Time begins moving again,and the bear immediately stops its roaring,kneels quietly and respectfully,and begins speaking.
 ‟O Lord,bless this meal in which I am about to partake...”
no matter how many instances of white swans we may have observed, this does not justify the conclusion that all swans are white.  (Karl Popper)

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5990 on: May 19, 2020, 09:41:11 AM »
An atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear.
The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man.
The atheist screams in terror. ‟ Oh God,help me!!!”
 Suddenly,everything--the bear,the trees,the birds,everything but the man--freezes. The man sees the clouds part as a deep heavenly voice reaches his ears.
 ‟So,all your life,You deny My existence,yet now you call for My aid now that death is upon you? I am sorry,My son,but it is too late.”
The atheist thinks quickly. ‟Well,God,if it is too late for me to become a Christian,how about you just convert the bear?”
Time begins moving again,and the bear immediately stops its roaring,kneels quietly and respectfully,and begins speaking.
 ‟O Lord,bless this meal in which I am about to partake...”
lol: lol:
I mostly despair

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5991 on: May 19, 2020, 10:54:11 AM »
An atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear.
The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man.
The atheist screams in terror. ‟ Oh God,help me!!!”
 Suddenly,everything--the bear,the trees,the birds,everything but the man--freezes. The man sees the clouds part as a deep heavenly voice reaches his ears.
 ‟So,all your life,You deny My existence,yet now you call for My aid now that death is upon you? I am sorry,My son,but it is too late.”
The atheist thinks quickly. ‟Well,God,if it is too late for me to become a Christian,how about you just convert the bear?”
Time begins moving again,and the bear immediately stops its roaring,kneels quietly and respectfully,and begins speaking.
 ‟O Lord,bless this meal in which I am about to partake...”
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5992 on: May 20, 2020, 04:53:39 AM »
I took my wife out for a romantic meal last night and we played footsie under the table while we were eating.....

"I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the hole"....... redface:

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5993 on: May 20, 2020, 05:21:33 AM »
I took my wife out for a romantic meal last night and we played footsie under the table while we were eating.....

"I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the hole"....... redface:

 lol:  lol:  lol:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5994 on: May 20, 2020, 06:14:42 AM »
I took my wife out for a romantic meal last night and we played footsie under the table while we were eating.....

"I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the hole"....... redface:

 lol:  lol:  lol:

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5995 on: May 20, 2020, 08:21:30 AM »
I took my wife out for a romantic meal last night and we played footsie under the table while we were eating.....

"I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the hole"....... redface:

 lol:  lol:  lol:

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
no matter how many instances of white swans we may have observed, this does not justify the conclusion that all swans are white.  (Karl Popper)

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5996 on: May 20, 2020, 09:30:50 AM »
I took my wife out for a romantic meal last night and we played footsie under the table while we were eating.....

"I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the hole"....... redface:

 lol:  lol:  lol:

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
I mostly despair

Offline Pastis

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5997 on: May 20, 2020, 05:01:27 PM »
Finally the nightly applause for all health workers here has ended. It was good while it lasted.
But now there's been an appeal for an applause for all parcel delivery workers...

Apparently it has been scheduled for Friday, sometime between 8am and 1pm.
Like the Buddhist said to the hot dog vendor...
"Make me one with everything"

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5998 on: May 20, 2020, 05:57:00 PM »
Finally the nightly applause for all health workers here has ended. It was good while it lasted.
But now there's been an appeal for an applause for all parcel delivery workers...

Apparently it has been scheduled for Friday, sometime between 8am and 1pm.
drumroll:
I mostly despair

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5999 on: May 20, 2020, 06:08:16 PM »
Finally the nightly applause for all health workers here has ended. It was good while it lasted.
But now there's been an appeal for an applause for all parcel delivery workers...

Apparently it has been scheduled for Friday, sometime between 8am and 1pm.
drumroll:

 lol:  lol:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie