Fresh from the Inbox

[Steve]

I have just sent the following, as an email, to David Potts (pictured below), CEO of Morrison's Supermarkets.

Problem at Todmorden store...

Dear Mr Potts,

Despite your company's flagrant disregard, in its branding, for the correct use of the apostrophe, I am, neverthless, a loyal customer of your Morrison's (I insist on the punctuation) supermarket in Todmorden.

And, for that reason, I feel certain you'd wish to be informed of a worrying new phenomenon at the store which only compounds the many indignities of the Coronavirus clampdown.

It is this: on every visit I've made to the store in the last fortnight I have had to plod the aisles, - after positive vetting by Security - following the prescribed route, and keeping other customers at arm's length (a sensible precaution in Todmorden even under normal circumstances) to the accompaniment of the shrill vocal contortions of Ms Whitney Houston, insisting "I Wanna Dance With Somebody."

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm a music man through and through. But Morrison's, Todmorden - if it must have background music - needs to expand its repertoire beyond this one example of Ms Houston's glossy, optimistic froth.

The inevitability of the appearance of this glib and brittle "dance smash", whenever I am shopping, is becoming intolerable and, pretty soon, I'm afraid it may force me into the arms of the Co Op in Hebden Bridge, or our local Lidl, which does not bombard its customers with gormless over familiar Hits Of The 80s. (Speaking of Lidl, have you ever considered, at Morrison's, shelving the tinned peas among the lawnmowers and ladies' socks?)

I am sure you would not wish to drive away loyal customers. So, may I now have your reassurance, Mr Potts, that Ms Houston's constant and strident expression of desire to execute the Foxtrot or the Military Two Step ("with somebody") will, henceforth, be banished from your Todmorden store?

Many thanks.

All best wishes,

Andy Kershaw

 

[Steve]

Doctor: "You have the same disease as the girl in airplane."
Me: "Oh my God-what is it."
Doctor: "It's a movie starring Leslie Neilson, but that's not important right now."

[Barman]

Doctor: "You have the same disease as the girl in airplane."
Me: "Oh my God-what is it."
Doctor: "It's a movie starring Leslie Neilson, but that's not important right now."

 

[Just One More]

Doctor: "You have the same disease as the girl in airplane."
Me: "Oh my God-what is it."
Doctor: "It's a movie starring Leslie Neilson, but that's not important right now."

 

 

[apc2010]

Doctor: "You have the same disease as the girl in airplane."
Me: "Oh my God-what is it."
Doctor: "It's a movie starring Leslie Neilson, but that's not important right now."

 

 

 

[apc2010]

BM stop burning your  Hawaiian pizza ..................



Put it on aloha setting...............

[Barman]

BM stop burning your  Hawaiian pizza ..................



Put it on aloha setting...............

 

[Darwins Selection]

BM stop burning your  Hawaiian pizza ..................



Put it on aloha setting...............

 

[Steve]

BM stop burning your  Hawaiian pizza ..................



Put it on aloha setting...............

 

 

[Steve]

A man who walks into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"
The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."
The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.
The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?"
The man says, "I found out that my son is gay."
The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.
Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"
The man looks up and says, "Apparently my wife does."

[Barman]

A man who walks into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"
The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."
The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.
The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?"
The man says, "I found out that my son is gay."
The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.
Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"
The man looks up and says, "Apparently my wife does."

 

[apc2010]

There's a new conspiracy documentary on Netflix about the covid. 2 guys from the Wuhan research centre, where Trump suspects it was engineered, were due to get on MH370 that miraculously disappeared.........
Seems they were the guys behind the development of the new strain and intending to use it as a weapon, someone caught wind of their plans and purposefully downed the plane. Neither of them got on the flight though.............



Have a look it's really interesting, it's called two wongs don't make a flight................

[Barman]

There's a new conspiracy documentary on Netflix about the covid. 2 guys from the Wuhan research centre, where Trump suspects it was engineered, were due to get on MH370 that miraculously disappeared.........
Seems they were the guys behind the development of the new strain and intending to use it as a weapon, someone caught wind of their plans and purposefully downed the plane. Neither of them got on the flight though.............



Have a look it's really interesting, it's called two wongs don't make a flight................

[Darwins Selection]

There's a new conspiracy documentary on Netflix about the covid. 2 guys from the Wuhan research centre, where Trump suspects it was engineered, were due to get on MH370 that miraculously disappeared.........
Seems they were the guys behind the development of the new strain and intending to use it as a weapon, someone caught wind of their plans and purposefully downed the plane. Neither of them got on the flight though.............



Have a look it's really interesting, it's called two wongs don't make a flight................

[Just One More]

There's a new conspiracy documentary on Netflix about the covid. 2 guys from the Wuhan research centre, where Trump suspects it was engineered, were due to get on MH370 that miraculously disappeared.........
Seems they were the guys behind the development of the new strain and intending to use it as a weapon, someone caught wind of their plans and purposefully downed the plane. Neither of them got on the flight though.............



Have a look it's really interesting, it's called two wongs don't make a flight................