Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 431326 times)

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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6015 on: May 26, 2020, 11:41:20 AM »
My next door neighbour told me to try Horse Manure on my Rhubarb.......... rubschin:




Tasted f55king horrible, I still prefer Custard............ noooo:

© Tommy Cooper 1957
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6016 on: May 26, 2020, 05:48:26 PM »
prolly an Affs but

When it's sunny I think 'Beer garden.'
When it rains I usually go to the pub for a while.
When it's snowing I like to sit in front of the TV with a case of Beer.
I'm starting to think I have a problem with the weather.
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6017 on: May 26, 2020, 06:34:32 PM »
A man is asking a farmer about his two cows.

Man: About how much milk do you get from them in a day?
Farmer: Which one, the brown one or the black one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man (looking puzzled): Ok.. what do you feed them?
Farmer: Which one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: She eats grass.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: She eats grass, too.
Man (becoming annoyed): Why do you keep asking me to specify which cow when the answers are the same?
Farmer: Because the brown cow is mine.
Man: Oh, and the black one?
Farmer: Itís mine, too.
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6018 on: May 26, 2020, 06:35:59 PM »
A man is asking a farmer about his two cows.

Man: About how much milk do you get from them in a day?
Farmer: Which one, the brown one or the black one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man (looking puzzled): Ok.. what do you feed them?
Farmer: Which one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: She eats grass.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: She eats grass, too.
Man (becoming annoyed): Why do you keep asking me to specify which cow when the answers are the same?
Farmer: Because the brown cow is mine.
Man: Oh, and the black one?
Farmer: Itís mine, too.

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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6019 on: May 26, 2020, 06:40:50 PM »
prolly an Affs but

When it's sunny I think 'Beer garden.'
When it rains I usually go to the pub for a while.
When it's snowing I like to sit in front of the TV with a case of Beer.
I'm starting to think I have a problem with the weather.

 lol:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Online Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6020 on: May 27, 2020, 08:23:01 AM »
A man is asking a farmer about his two cows.

Man: About how much milk do you get from them in a day?
Farmer: Which one, the brown one or the black one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man (looking puzzled): Ok.. what do you feed them?
Farmer: Which one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: She eats grass.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: She eats grass, too.
Man (becoming annoyed): Why do you keep asking me to specify which cow when the answers are the same?
Farmer: Because the brown cow is mine.
Man: Oh, and the black one?
Farmer: Itís mine, too.

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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6021 on: May 27, 2020, 06:00:39 PM »
A man is asking a farmer about his two cows.

Man: About how much milk do you get from them in a day?
Farmer: Which one, the brown one or the black one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: About a half gallon a day.
Man (looking puzzled): Ok.. what do you feed them?
Farmer: Which one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: She eats grass.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: She eats grass, too.
Man (becoming annoyed): Why do you keep asking me to specify which cow when the answers are the same?
Farmer: Because the brown cow is mine.
Man: Oh, and the black one?
Farmer: Itís mine, too.

happy001
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I mostly despair

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6022 on: May 27, 2020, 06:29:42 PM »
Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. But he was born with no ears.
Johnny and his mom went to visit the baby and Johnny was warned not to mention its ears or else he would get a spanking.
Johnny looked at the baby and said, "my, what a lovely baby, beautiful feet, hands and skin. How is his eyesight?"
The baby's mom said it was perfect.
Johnny replied, "that's good because he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses."
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6023 on: May 27, 2020, 07:43:20 PM »
Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. But he was born with no ears.
Johnny and his mom went to visit the baby and Johnny was warned not to mention its ears or else he would get a spanking.
Johnny looked at the baby and said, "my, what a lovely baby, beautiful feet, hands and skin. How is his eyesight?"
The baby's mom said it was perfect.
Johnny replied, "that's good because he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses."

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Online Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6024 on: May 28, 2020, 05:06:34 AM »
Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. But he was born with no ears.
Johnny and his mom went to visit the baby and Johnny was warned not to mention its ears or else he would get a spanking.
Johnny looked at the baby and said, "my, what a lovely baby, beautiful feet, hands and skin. How is his eyesight?"
The baby's mom said it was perfect.
Johnny replied, "that's good because he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses."

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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6025 on: May 28, 2020, 11:56:42 AM »
Today I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a little rucksack and went up to the lake district,
walked for about 5 miles stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a flask of coffee.
Then I walked another 5 miles and had a biscuit and then I..........

Sorry, i'm rambling.
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6026 on: May 28, 2020, 12:06:56 PM »
Today I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a little rucksack and went up to the lake district,
walked for about 5 miles stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a flask of coffee.
Then I walked another 5 miles and had a biscuit and then I..........

Sorry, i'm rambling.

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Online Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6027 on: May 28, 2020, 12:34:41 PM »
Today I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a little rucksack and went up to the lake district,
walked for about 5 miles stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a flask of coffee.
Then I walked another 5 miles and had a biscuit and then I..........

Sorry, i'm rambling.

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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6028 on: May 28, 2020, 02:52:45 PM »
Today I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a little rucksack and went up to the lake district,
walked for about 5 miles stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a flask of coffee.
Then I walked another 5 miles and had a biscuit and then I..........

Sorry, i'm rambling.

 lol: lol: lol:

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
I mostly despair

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6029 on: May 30, 2020, 11:35:09 AM »
An ugly bird came up to me in the pub and said,"What does reincarnation mean?"


I said,"It means when you die,you come back as something else".....




She said,"When i die i'm gonna come back as a dog!" ............



I said,"You're not fuckin listening love!...... redface: