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Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 370256 times)

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Offline Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5220 on: August 10, 2019, 05:17:10 PM »
 cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
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Offline Grumpmeister

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5221 on: August 11, 2019, 05:06:49 PM »
Some days I think the only thing keeping me from becoming homicidal is that the voices can't agree on which weapon would be the most fun.

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5222 on: August 13, 2019, 01:17:42 PM »
A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"........

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"..............



Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about 50 quid?".........

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage............

The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"...........

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."..............

Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked..........

"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.".........

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the 50.00 and handed it to her along with a 10.00 tip.






ďAnd, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."...............



Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5223 on: August 13, 2019, 01:38:24 PM »
A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"........

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"..............



Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about 50 quid?".........

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage............

The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"...........

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."..............

Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked..........

"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.".........

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the 50.00 and handed it to her along with a 10.00 tip.






ďAnd, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."...............

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5224 on: August 13, 2019, 02:14:51 PM »
A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"........

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"..............



Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about 50 quid?".........

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage............

The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"...........

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."..............

Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked..........

"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.".........

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the 50.00 and handed it to her along with a 10.00 tip.






ďAnd, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."...............

 lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
I mostly despair

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5225 on: August 13, 2019, 04:48:54 PM »
 lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:

Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5226 on: August 13, 2019, 07:41:01 PM »
One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant.
Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before.
Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.
The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5227 on: August 14, 2019, 03:57:12 AM »
One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant.
Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before.
Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.
The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!

 ;D
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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5228 on: August 14, 2019, 09:46:04 AM »
One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant.
Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before.
Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.
The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!

 ;D
lol: lol:
I mostly despair

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5229 on: August 15, 2019, 10:35:40 PM »
My neighbours keep banging on my wall whilst I'm trying to listen to my music......

"A little respect please!"............. They shouted................



I'm not a big Erasure fan but ok this one's for you!............ Thumbs:

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5230 on: August 16, 2019, 03:39:34 AM »
My neighbours keep banging on my wall whilst I'm trying to listen to my music......

"A little respect please!"............. They shouted................



I'm not a big Erasure fan but ok this one's for you!............ Thumbs:

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5231 on: August 16, 2019, 03:44:10 AM »
My neighbours keep banging on my wall whilst I'm trying to listen to my music......

"A little respect please!"............. They shouted................



I'm not a big Erasure fan but ok this one's for you!............ Thumbs:

 lol: lol: lol:

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5232 on: August 16, 2019, 08:57:41 AM »
My neighbours keep banging on my wall whilst I'm trying to listen to my music......

"A little respect please!"............. They shouted................



I'm not a big Erasure fan but ok this one's for you!............ Thumbs:

 lol: lol: lol:

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5233 on: August 16, 2019, 09:10:15 AM »
My neighbours keep banging on my wall whilst I'm trying to listen to my music......

"A little respect please!"............. They shouted................



I'm not a big Erasure fan but ok this one's for you!............ Thumbs:

 lol: lol: lol:

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:   I assume that Erasure is a popular beat combo with a number called Respect in their repertoire?
I mostly despair

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5234 on: August 16, 2019, 11:22:44 AM »
My neighbours keep banging on my wall whilst I'm trying to listen to my music......

"A little respect please!"............. They shouted................



I'm not a big Erasure fan but ok this one's for you!............ Thumbs:

 lol: lol: lol:

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:   I assume that Erasure is a popular beat combo with a number called Respect in their repertoire?

 lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
Pro Skub  Thumbs: