Fresh from the Inbox

[Just One More]

You know you've got a keeper when your girlfriend picks the iron in Monopoly ....

 

 

[Just One More]

A girl tells her mom she’s dating the guy next door.
The mom’s like “you can’t date him he could be your dad.”
And the daughter is like “so there’s an age difference who cares.”
The mom's like“I think you misunderstood me.”

 

[Just One More]

I was telling a mate of mine that my 'guilty pleasure' was listening to Beyoncé.
He said "Oh well, whatever floats your boat"
I said "No, I think you'll find that's buoyancy..."

 

[Steve]

I was telling a mate of mine that my 'guilty pleasure' was listening to Beyoncé.
He said "Oh well, whatever floats your boat"
I said "No, I think you'll find that's buoyancy..."

 

[Darwins Selection]

You know you've got a keeper when your girlfriend picks the iron in Monopoly ....

 

 

Unless that was rhyming slang. 

[Steve]

An 80-year-old man went to the doctor, who was amazed at what good shape he was in. The doctor asked,
"Why do you think you have such good health?"
The old timer said, "I'm a turkey hunter and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up before daylight and out chasing turkeys especially for Thanksgiving."
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there has got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 100 years old and he hunted turkey with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive...he's a turkey hunter."
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 118 years old."
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went turkey hunting with you this morning too?"
The old timer said, "No, Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married."
The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"
The old timer said, "Who said he wanted to?"

[Barman]

An 80-year-old man went to the doctor, who was amazed at what good shape he was in. The doctor asked,
"Why do you think you have such good health?"
The old timer said, "I'm a turkey hunter and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up before daylight and out chasing turkeys especially for Thanksgiving."
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there has got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 100 years old and he hunted turkey with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive...he's a turkey hunter."
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 118 years old."
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went turkey hunting with you this morning too?"
The old timer said, "No, Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married."
The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"
The old timer said, "Who said he wanted to?"

 

[Darwins Selection]

An 80-year-old man went to the doctor, who was amazed at what good shape he was in. The doctor asked,
"Why do you think you have such good health?"
The old timer said, "I'm a turkey hunter and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up before daylight and out chasing turkeys especially for Thanksgiving."
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there has got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 100 years old and he hunted turkey with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive...he's a turkey hunter."
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 118 years old."
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went turkey hunting with you this morning too?"
The old timer said, "No, Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married."
The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"
The old timer said, "Who said he wanted to?"

 

[apc2010]

You know you've got a keeper when your girlfriend picks the iron in Monopoly ....

 

 

Unless that was rhyming slang. 

 

[apc2010]

Sony created two new stereos........


One has good bass for black people to listen to rap music. The other has good treble for white people to listen to country........



Those are two stereo types...........

[Barman]

Sony created two new stereos........


One has good bass for black people to listen to rap music. The other has good treble for white people to listen to country........



Those are two stereo types...........

 

[Steve]

Sony created two new stereos........


One has good bass for black people to listen to rap music. The other has good treble for white people to listen to country........



Those are two stereo types...........

 

[Steve]

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we’re married maybe it is time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars."
Tom gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what’s wrong?"
"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife!" she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!"
Tom. "I wasn’t."

[Barman]

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we’re married maybe it is time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars."
Tom gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what’s wrong?"
"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife!" she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!"
Tom. "I wasn’t."

I'm sure that is AFFS but the search engine can't find it... 

[Steve]

Yep I thought so too but Mr Search engine said