Hat, coat...

[Darwins Selection]

Paddy took 2 old Stuffed Dogs to the Antiques Roadshow, the presenter said this is a very rare breed, do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition, "Sticks" said Paddy.

 

[Steve]

Paddy took 2 old Stuffed Dogs to the Antiques Roadshow, the presenter said this is a very rare breed, do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition, "Sticks" said Paddy.

 

[Steve]

"I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don't pay it back, I'm going to get repossessed"

From here https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-45238696

and imho funnier than the one that got the award

[Barman]

"I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don't pay it back, I'm going to get repossessed"

From here https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-45238696

and imho funnier than the one that got the award

 

[Steve]

Got stopped by the police last night.
"Sir, your car was swerving all over the road."
I said "sorry officer I drank 10 pints and feel pissed."
Officer said, "that's no excuse to let your Wife drive.

[Barman]

Got stopped by the police last night.
"Sir, your car was swerving all over the road."
I said "sorry officer I drank 10 pints and feel pissed."
Officer said, "that's no excuse to let your Wife drive.

 

[Barman]

My aunt was in hospital suffering from leprosy, tuberculosis, hepatitis and flu.

I called the doctor to ask what they were feeding her. “Dry toast, fried eggs, pizza and, as a special treat sometimes, pancakes” he replied.

“Why those foods, will they help her?” I asked.

“I have no idea”, he said, “but it’s all we can fit under the door”.

[Steve]

My aunt was in hospital suffering from leprosy, tuberculosis, hepatitis and flu.

I called the doctor to ask what they were feeding her. “Dry toast, fried eggs, pizza and, as a special treat sometimes, pancakes” he replied.

“Why those foods, will they help her?” I asked.

“I have no idea”, he said, “but it’s all we can fit under the door”.

[Barman]

I bought a coffee and a piece of cake on the motorway services and apologised for only having a ten pound note.

“That’s okay” said the cashier, “you can put the cake back and just have the coffee”.

[Steve]

I bought a coffee and a piece of cake on the motorway services and apologised for only having a ten pound note.

“That’s okay” said the cashier, “you can put the cake back and just have the coffee”.

[The Moan Ranger]

I bought a coffee and a piece of cake on the motorway services and apologised for only having a ten pound note.

“That’s okay” said the cashier, “you can put the cake back and just have the coffee”.

@causticbob?

[Just One More]

Did you know a human fart can be louder than a Trombone?
As I discovered today at my daughter's Nativity play.

[Steve]

Did you know a human fart can be louder than a Trombone?
As I discovered today at my daughter's Nativity play.

[Barman]

Did you know a human fart can be louder than a Trombone?
As I discovered today at my daughter's Nativity play.

 

[Just One More]

WTF is an acronym?