The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Snug => Topic started by: Miss Demeanour on August 23, 2013, 01:24:54 PM
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One of the blokes at work has just defined his notion of the perfect woman.
Apparently she would be :
Blonde ( or brunette at a push)
Mute
Deaf and dumb
untreatable nymphomaniac
who owns her own pub
which is next to a football ground
rubschin:
And yours would be ? ...................
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I don't like football. noooo:
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So I imagine that wouldn't figure in your wish list then Banghead
Reliability would though whistle:
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I like gerls with large libraries (and other charms to correspond)
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rubschin:
In the spirit of Miss D's shallow colleague I'd add 'gullible' and reverse the last two so owns her own football club that's next to a pub
But seriously his description is a nightmare but we don't want to do serious here do we.
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No serious ...it's feel good Friday :thumbsup:
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Freckles! Thumbs:
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LL has none, but she does have feet, I assume.
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good at ironing
able to drive without dramas
not on speaking terms with her mother
no silicone
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good at ironing
able to drive without dramas
not on speaking terms with her mother
no silicone
:thumbsup:
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LL has none, but she does have feet, I assume.
Two, one left and one right like.... Thumbs:
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In that order? rubschin:
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In that order? rubschin:
I think so....
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I'd mention BM's checklist again but he didn't seem too happy about it earlier. whistle:
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LL has none, but she does have feet, I assume.
Two, one left and one right like.... Thumbs:
Rather clashes with your two left ones eh?
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LL has none, but she does have feet, I assume.
Two, one left and one right like.... Thumbs:
Rather clashes with your two left ones eh?
Handy for the Hokey-cokey tho.... Thumbs:
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LL has none, but she does have feet, I assume.
Two, one left and one right like.... Thumbs:
Rather clashes with your two left ones eh?
Handy for the Hokey-cokey tho.... Thumbs:
Another video......... rubschin:
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LL has none, but she does have feet, I assume.
Two, one left and one right like.... Thumbs:
Rather clashes with your two left ones eh?
Handy for the Hokey-cokey tho.... Thumbs:
Another video......... rubschin:
noooo:
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I'd mention BM's checklist again but he didn't seem too happy about it earlier. whistle:
Is that the one that simply said breathing?
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I'd mention BM's checklist again but he didn't seem too happy about it earlier. whistle:
Is that the one that simply said breathing?
And female! evil:
And freckles....
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And freckles....
Anywhere in particular?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F2.bp.blogspot.com%2F-i-jqgEfGtHs%2FUK8ON26l_WI%2FAAAAAAAAEG0%2F79bnlsTNmyU%2Fs1600%2FClaire_Freckles_Brock_Elbank_0006.jpg&hash=ff72c361d8e123b812f336801ff895c23a4fcd30)
or
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cryptomundo.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2Ffreckles.jpg&hash=89191d71cf968dd5ed66baf9e21acceb9241553f)
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Oh Darwin! eeek:
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I'd mention BM's checklist again but he didn't seem too happy about it earlier. whistle:
Is that the one that simply said breathing?
And female! evil:
And freckles....
What's with the freckles thing????????????????? First I've heard of that 'requirement' in 30+ years of dedicated service angry041:
So I'll assist by adding a few things eveilgrin: eveilgrin: as to what BM needs in an ideal woman ::)
Ability to pick up BM's discarded clothing from anywhere in the house and perform miracle of returning it to drawer/wardrobe washed and ironed
Ability to not pass out from wee wee fumes in downstairs closet because BM has forgotten (again) to flush
Ability to fain an interest in mini restoration and the disasters thereof
Ability to like ones on company when BM has disappeared (again) for many hours down to subterranean world
Discretion whistle: whistle: whistle: whistle:
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I'd mention BM's checklist again but he didn't seem too happy about it earlier. whistle:
Is that the one that simply said breathing?
And female! evil:
And freckles....
What's with the freckles thing????????????????? First I've heard of that 'requirement' in 30+ years of dedicated service angry041:
So I'll assist by adding a few things eveilgrin: eveilgrin: as to what BM needs in an ideal woman ::)
Ability to pick up BM's discarded clothing from anywhere in the house and perform miracle of returning it to drawer/wardrobe washed and ironed
Ability to not pass out from wee wee fumes in downstairs closet because BM has forgotten (again) to flush
Ability to fain an interest in mini restoration and the disasters thereof
Ability to like ones on company when BM has disappeared (again) for many hours down to subterranean world
Discretion whistle: whistle: whistle: whistle:
evil:
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Trubble noooo:
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Trubble noooo:
Not this end noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo:
Your end whistle: whistle: whistle:
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Trubble noooo:
Not this end noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo:
Your end whistle: whistle: whistle:
Small trubble then. whistle:
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Trubble noooo:
Not this end noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo:
Your end whistle: whistle: whistle:
Small trubble then. whistle:
Nope Mr. D - all cloud9: cloud9: cloud9: this end
How are the turnips????
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Trubble noooo:
Not this end noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo:
Your end whistle: whistle: whistle:
Small trubble then. whistle:
Nope Mr. D - all cloud9: cloud9: cloud9: this end
How are the turnips????
Doing well this year thank you.
Did you want a shipment or just the chance to invest?
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Trubble noooo:
Not this end noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo:
Your end whistle: whistle: whistle:
Small trubble then. whistle:
Nope Mr. D - all cloud9: cloud9: cloud9: this end
How are the turnips????
Doing well this year thank you.
Did you want a shipment or just the chance to invest?
Both please !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Trubble noooo:
Not this end noooo: noooo: noooo: noooo:
Your end whistle: whistle: whistle:
Small trubble then. whistle:
Nope Mr. D - all cloud9: cloud9: cloud9: this end
How are the turnips????
Doing well this year thank you.
Did you want a shipment or just the chance to invest?
Both please !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shocked:
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I'd mention BM's checklist again but he didn't seem too happy about it earlier. whistle:
Is that the one that simply said breathing?
And female! evil:
And freckles....
What's with the freckles thing????????????????? First I've heard of that 'requirement' in 30+ years of dedicated service angry041:
So I'll assist by adding a few things eveilgrin: eveilgrin: as to what BM needs in an ideal woman ::)
Ability to pick up BM's discarded clothing from anywhere in the house and perform miracle of returning it to drawer/wardrobe washed and ironed
Ability to not pass out from wee wee fumes in downstairs closet because BM has forgotten (again) to flush
Ability to fain an interest in mini restoration and the disasters thereof
Ability to like ones on company when BM has disappeared (again) for many hours down to subterranean world
Discretion whistle: whistle: whistle: whistle:
That must be due to age - a bit like using the wardrobe for a wee . . . . . whistle:
-
I'd mention BM's checklist again but he didn't seem too happy about it earlier. whistle:
Is that the one that simply said breathing?
And female! evil:
And freckles....
What's with the freckles thing????????????????? First I've heard of that 'requirement' in 30+ years of dedicated service angry041:
So I'll assist by adding a few things eveilgrin: eveilgrin: as to what BM needs in an ideal woman ::)
Ability to pick up BM's discarded clothing from anywhere in the house and perform miracle of returning it to drawer/wardrobe washed and ironed
Ability to not pass out from wee wee fumes in downstairs closet because BM has forgotten (again) to flush
Ability to fain an interest in mini restoration and the disasters thereof
Ability to like ones on company when BM has disappeared (again) for many hours down to subterranean world
Discretion whistle: whistle: whistle: whistle:
That must be due to age - a bit like using the wardrobe for a wee . . . . . whistle:
In my experience with MEN it is drink that has that effect ... also been known in the airing cupboard evil:
-
I'd mention BM's checklist again but he didn't seem too happy about it earlier. whistle:
Is that the one that simply said breathing?
And female! evil:
And freckles....
What's with the freckles thing????????????????? First I've heard of that 'requirement' in 30+ years of dedicated service angry041:
So I'll assist by adding a few things eveilgrin: eveilgrin: as to what BM needs in an ideal woman ::)
Ability to pick up BM's discarded clothing from anywhere in the house and perform miracle of returning it to drawer/wardrobe washed and ironed
Ability to not pass out from wee wee fumes in downstairs closet because BM has forgotten (again) to flush
Ability to fain an interest in mini restoration and the disasters thereof
Ability to like ones on company when BM has disappeared (again) for many hours down to subterranean world
Discretion whistle: whistle: whistle: whistle:
That must be due to age - a bit like using the wardrobe for a wee . . . . . whistle:
In my experience with MEN it is drink that has that effect ... also been known in the airing cupboard evil:
It was the Water Closet! cussing:
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I'd mention BM's checklist again but he didn't seem too happy about it earlier. whistle:
Is that the one that simply said breathing?
And female! evil:
And freckles....
What's with the freckles thing????????????????? First I've heard of that 'requirement' in 30+ years of dedicated service angry041:
So I'll assist by adding a few things eveilgrin: eveilgrin: as to what BM needs in an ideal woman ::)
Ability to pick up BM's discarded clothing from anywhere in the house and perform miracle of returning it to drawer/wardrobe washed and ironed
Ability to not pass out from wee wee fumes in downstairs closet because BM has forgotten (again) to flush
Ability to fain an interest in mini restoration and the disasters thereof
Ability to like ones on company when BM has disappeared (again) for many hours down to subterranean world
Discretion whistle: whistle: whistle: whistle:
That must be due to age - a bit like using the wardrobe for a wee . . . . . whistle:
In my experience with MEN it is drink that has that effect ... also been known in the airing cupboard evil:
It was the Water Closet! cussing:
No complaints about your 'aiming' ability my dear it's just the lack of flushing surrender:
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We have sooo much in common LL ::)
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We have sooo much in common LL ::)
I find rubbing bleach in his eyes pouring bleach down the loo helps but then sometimes walk past to find it all frothing up over the rim.......................more wee interacting with the bleach and still no flushing
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Oh bloody hell, they're both here now..... noooo:
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You need to electrify the bowl, as a reminder like :thumbsup:
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It's a well-known fact that men are attracted to a bog full of bleach, the minute I clean the khazi, Swillers has to use it noooo:
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What is it with wimmin and putting bleach down the bog? Shrugs:
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I like those blue things cloud9:
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Not the ones that hang over the rim? They just give you something to aim at noooo:
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I like those blue things cloud9:
Baldy sells them......... Thumbs:
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I like those blue things cloud9:
Baldy sells them......... Thumbs:
At cross purposes here I think Apey - Baldy's blue tablet merchandise I believe would probably whistle: prevent male weeing, for a while anyway..........................
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Except on the ceiling
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Think I must have lead a sheltered life, am a bit lost here like............. rubschin:
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Think I must have lead a sheltered life, am a bit lost here like............. rubschin:
Bus shelter........ rubschin:
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Think I must have lead a sheltered life, am a bit lost here like............. rubschin:
Of course... char048
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Boom Boom (-a la Basil Brush)
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So where were we in defining the ideal woman ?
Back to you chaps as I think I might have encouraged straying off topic :angel:
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So where were we in defining the ideal woman ?
Back to you chaps as I think I might have encouraged straying off topic :angel:
I have met you......... cloud9:
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So where were we in defining the ideal woman ?
Back to you chaps as I think I might have encouraged straying off topic :angel:
I have met you......... cloud9:
sick2:
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Shouldn't deliberately vomit in your bath while you are in it noooo:
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So where were we in defining the ideal woman ?
Back to you chaps as I think I might have encouraged straying off topic :angel:
I have met you......... cloud9:
sick2:
I might get breakfast next time I stay......... whistle:
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So where were we in defining the ideal woman ?
Back to you chaps as I think I might have encouraged straying off topic :angel:
I have met you......... cloud9:
sick2:
I might get breakfast in bed next time I stay......... whistle:
eyes:
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So where were we in defining the ideal woman ?
Back to you chaps as I think I might have encouraged straying off topic :angel:
I have met you......... cloud9:
sick2:
I might get breakfast in bed next time I stay......... whistle:
eyes:
How do you like your eggs joke approaching.......... noooo:
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In a pan redface:
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In a pan redface:
No bashing in of their little heads though ......... unless Baldy is invited too scared2:
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So where were we in defining the ideal woman ?
Back to you chaps as I think I might have encouraged straying off topic :angel:
You want a serious definition? eeek:
And you expect one from us lot ::)
OK then, I'll risk it. Apart from the obvious (no Y chromosomes and straight) . . . . .
I offer in no particular order:
- mind of her own
- can and does smile, joke and laugh
- cares about others
- likes to look good without overdoing it
- no more or less lazy than I
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What about great tits and arse?
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What about great tits and arse?
Yes but if that's all you care about then Baldy can get several for you. Prolly a free air pump provided with every third one
My ideal woman has to be a person too
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What about great tits and arse?
Thumbs:
( o Y o ) + freckles
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What about great tits and arse?
Thumbs:
( o Y o ) + freckles
That will be a female hyena then. noooo:
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Yet another female laughing at BM then. whistle:
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Yet another female laughing at BM then. whistle:
drumroll:
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I like those blue things cloud9:
Baldy sells them......... Thumbs:
At cross purposes here I think Apey - Baldy's blue tablet merchandise I believe would probably whistle: prevent male weeing, for a while anyway..........................
Thumbs: Thumbs: And in jelly form....works even faster. Thumbs: And you can drink with them. Thumbs: Thumbs: Thumbs:
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Yet another female laughing at BM then. whistle:
lol: lol: lol:
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What about great tits and arse?
Thumbs:
( o Y o ) + freckles
That will be a female hyena then. noooo:
He was really 'trying' to spell OXO Miss C..........daft twit whistle:
Very sorry to hear that you have been super bad and yucky - I hope you quickly recover xx
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html)
eeek: eeek:
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html)
eeek: eeek:
Hum.............my first thoughts were gosh she's going to suffer with arthritis in her later years ::)
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html)
eeek: eeek:
Hum.............my first thoughts were gosh she's going to suffer with arthritis in her later years ::)
Yeah me too....... whistle:
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html)
eeek: eeek:
Hum.............my first thoughts were gosh she's going to suffer with arthritis in her later years ::)
Yeah me too....... whistle:
why of course, and here too whistle: whistle:
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html)
eeek: eeek:
Hum.............my first thoughts were gosh she's going to suffer with arthritis in her later years ::)
Yeah me too....... whistle:
why of course, and here too whistle: whistle:
Moi aussi... redface:
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html)
eeek: eeek:
Hum.............my first thoughts were gosh she's going to suffer with arthritis in her later years ::)
Yeah me too....... whistle:
why of course, and here too whistle: whistle:
Moi aussi... redface:
LL this is typical of men ::).... a woman would be honest as you were .... with your first thought Thumbs:
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html)
eeek: eeek:
Hum.............my first thoughts were gosh she's going to suffer with arthritis in her later years ::)
Yeah me too....... whistle:
why of course, and here too whistle: whistle:
Moi aussi... redface:
LL this is typical of men ::).... a woman would be honest as you were .... with your first thought Thumbs:
Was it just me or did you think the same sis???
You guys were ALL thinking 'oh yeaeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh' - right?
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html)
eeek: eeek:
Hum.............my first thoughts were gosh she's going to suffer with arthritis in her later years ::)
Yeah me too....... whistle:
why of course, and here too whistle: whistle:
Moi aussi... redface:
LL this is typical of men ::).... a woman would be honest as you were .... with your first thought Thumbs:
Was it just me or did you think the same sis???
You guys were ALL thinking 'oh yeaeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh' - right?
Not moi.... angel1
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html)
eeek: eeek:
Hum.............my first thoughts were gosh she's going to suffer with arthritis in her later years ::)
Yeah me too....... whistle:
why of course, and here too whistle: whistle:
Moi aussi... redface:
LL this is typical of men ::).... a woman would be honest as you were .... with your first thought Thumbs:
Was it just me or did you think the same sis???
You guys were ALL thinking 'oh yeaeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh' - right?
Not moi.... angel1
Liar: Liar: Liar: Liar: pants on fire
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html)
eeek: eeek:
Hum.............my first thoughts were gosh she's going to suffer with arthritis in her later years ::)
Yeah me too....... whistle:
why of course, and here too whistle: whistle:
Moi aussi... redface:
LL this is typical of men ::).... a woman would be honest as you were .... with your first thought Thumbs:
Was it just me or did you think the same sis???
You guys were ALL thinking 'oh yeaeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh' - right?
I did but have to admit it was my second thought ..... My first was memories ..... redface: ;)
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I think LL and Boogs you malign us of the blokey gender.
I don't think many of us would be comfortable in such positions as there would always be the back of the mind worry that like a coiled spring she'd snap back into her normal shape with disastrous hurling man cross the room, car park whatever with some parts removed effects scared2:
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2408787/Meet-Julia-G-nthel-aka-Zlata-worlds-bendiest-woman.html)
eeek: eeek:
Hum.............my first thoughts were gosh she's going to suffer with arthritis in her later years ::)
Yeah me too....... whistle:
why of course, and here too whistle: whistle:
Moi aussi... redface:
LL this is typical of men ::).... a woman would be honest as you were .... with your first thought Thumbs:
Was it just me or did you think the same sis???
You guys were ALL thinking 'oh yeaeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh' - right?
Not moi.... angel1
Liar: Liar: Liar: Liar: pants on fire
And you were ironing his boxer shorts .... rubschin:......no wonder he doesn't take you out ...... noooo:
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LL was ironing his boxers BECAUSE he doesn't take her out. She just 'forgot' to wait till he took them off this time. whistle:
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I think LL and Boogs you malign us of the blokey gender.
I don't think many of us would be comfortable in such positions as there would always be the back of the mind worry that like a coiled spring she'd snap back into her normal shape with disastrous hurling man cross the room, car park whatever with some parts removed effects scared2:
happy001 happy001 happy001 bet most would like to give it a go just once tho ...... whistle:
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I think LL and Boogs you malign us of the blokey gender.
I don't think many of us would be comfortable in such positions as there would always be the back of the mind worry that like a coiled spring she'd snap back into her normal shape with disastrous hurling man cross the room, car park whatever with some parts removed effects scared2:
happy001 happy001 happy001 bet most would like to give it a go just once tho ...... whistle:
Cue Nick. "Ballet dancer story". ::)
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I think LL and Boogs you malign us of the blokey gender.
I don't think many of us would be comfortable in such positions as there would always be the back of the mind worry that like a coiled spring she'd snap back into her normal shape with disastrous hurling man cross the room, car park whatever with some parts removed effects scared2:
happy001 happy001 happy001 bet most would like to give it a go just once tho ...... whistle:
Cue Nick. "Ballet dancer story". ::)
He won't remember it..... noooo:
-
I think LL and Boogs you malign us of the blokey gender.
I don't think many of us would be comfortable in such positions as there would always be the back of the mind worry that like a coiled spring she'd snap back into her normal shape with disastrous hurling man cross the room, car park whatever with some parts removed effects scared2:
happy001 happy001 happy001 bet most would like to give it a go just once tho ...... whistle:
Cue Nick. "Ballet dancer story". ::)
He won't remember it..... noooo:
I'm not so sure.
In common with all his carnal memories, it will be a long time ago. whistle:
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I think LL and Boogs you malign us of the blokey gender.
I don't think many of us would be comfortable in such positions as there would always be the back of the mind worry that like a coiled spring she'd snap back into her normal shape with disastrous hurling man cross the room, car park whatever with some parts removed effects scared2:
happy001 happy001 happy001 bet most would like to give it a go just once tho ...... whistle:
Cue Nick. "Ballet dancer story". ::)
He won't remember it..... noooo:
I'm not so sure.
In common with all his carnal memories, it will be a long time ago. whistle:
lol: lol: lol: