Disgusterous

Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 382241 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Barman

  • Administrator
  • Needs to get out more...
  • *****
  • Posts: 129025
  • Reputation: -49
  • Since 1960...
    • Virtual Pub!
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5085 on: June 06, 2019, 08:39:26 AM »
My wife just phoned me all hysterical and said "The engine has flooded on the car, it wont start." I laughed and said "Don't worry darling, it's not the engine, it's the carburetor, it sounds like you have been pumping the accelerator on the car before trying to start it up, tell me where the car is and I will come and fix it."
 "In the lake behind Tesco's," she replied!

 ;D
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Just One More

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 22866
  • Reputation: 0
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5086 on: June 08, 2019, 08:14:14 AM »
The adult version of "Head, shoulders, knees and toes" is "Wallet, glasses, keys and phone"
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Nick

  • Needs to get out more...
  • ******
  • Posts: 97567
  • Reputation: -115
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5087 on: June 08, 2019, 08:16:07 AM »
 redface:
Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

Offline Just One More

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 22866
  • Reputation: 0
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5088 on: June 08, 2019, 08:27:10 AM »
redface:

Me too  redface:  redface: (it's a bloody good way of remembering though  :thumbsup: )
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

  • Administrator
  • Needs to get out more...
  • *****
  • Posts: 129025
  • Reputation: -49
  • Since 1960...
    • Virtual Pub!
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5089 on: June 08, 2019, 08:38:56 AM »
The adult version of "Head, shoulders, knees and toes" is "Wallet, glasses, keys and phone"

 lol: lol: lol:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Steve

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 41064
  • Reputation: -3
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5090 on: June 08, 2019, 06:51:12 PM »
Paddy is struggling to find  a parking space.
"Lord," he prayed, "If you open a parking space for me, I swear I will give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday.
Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on a empty parking space.
Without hesitation, Paddy says,
"Never mind I found one."
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Steve

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 41064
  • Reputation: -3
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5091 on: June 11, 2019, 02:23:52 PM »
A truck loaded with Vick Vapour Rub overturned on the motorway this morning.

Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours.
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Barman

  • Administrator
  • Needs to get out more...
  • *****
  • Posts: 129025
  • Reputation: -49
  • Since 1960...
    • Virtual Pub!
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5092 on: June 11, 2019, 03:34:44 PM »
A truck loaded with Vick Vapour Rub overturned on the motorway this morning.

Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours.

 lol: lol: lol:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline apc2010

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 51742
  • Reputation: -2
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5093 on: June 12, 2019, 09:14:09 PM »
This morning I was asked by a group of teenagers outside Tescos if I would get them 20 Richmonds....


Stupidly I agreed and got them a packet.....



I handed them over and you should have heard the aggressive abuse!!!.. eeek:



.So I told them next time get your own bleeding sausages......... !!!......... noooo:

Offline Barman

  • Administrator
  • Needs to get out more...
  • *****
  • Posts: 129025
  • Reputation: -49
  • Since 1960...
    • Virtual Pub!
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5094 on: June 13, 2019, 03:03:11 AM »
This morning I was asked by a group of teenagers outside Tescos if I would get them 20 Richmonds....


Stupidly I agreed and got them a packet.....



I handed them over and you should have heard the aggressive abuse!!!.. eeek:



.So I told them next time get your own bleeding sausages......... !!!......... noooo:

 lol: lol: lol:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Steve

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 41064
  • Reputation: -3
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5095 on: June 13, 2019, 07:59:23 AM »
This morning I was asked by a group of teenagers outside Tescos if I would get them 20 Richmonds....


Stupidly I agreed and got them a packet.....



I handed them over and you should have heard the aggressive abuse!!!.. eeek:



.So I told them next time get your own bleeding sausages......... !!!......... noooo:

 lol: lol: lol:
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Steve

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 41064
  • Reputation: -3
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5096 on: June 13, 2019, 05:39:43 PM »
Went to Bosworth battlefield today.
Thereís a plaque in the ground there that says,
 "King Richard III fell here".

Iím not surprised. I nearly tripped over it myself.
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Barman

  • Administrator
  • Needs to get out more...
  • *****
  • Posts: 129025
  • Reputation: -49
  • Since 1960...
    • Virtual Pub!
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5097 on: June 13, 2019, 05:43:26 PM »
Went to Bosworth battlefield today.
Thereís a plaque in the ground there that says,
 "King Richard III fell here".

Iím not surprised. I nearly tripped over it myself.

 lol: lol: lol:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Darwins Selection

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 36138
  • Reputation: 5
  • I mostly despair
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5098 on: June 13, 2019, 10:16:57 PM »
Went to Bosworth battlefield today.
Thereís a plaque in the ground there that says,
 "King Richard III fell here".

Iím not surprised. I nearly tripped over it myself.

 lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
I mostly despair

Offline Steve

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 41064
  • Reputation: -3
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5099 on: June 14, 2019, 04:50:24 PM »
Sometimes when you cry nobody sees your tears...

Sometimes when you're hurt nobody sees your pain...

Sometimes when you're sad nobody sees your sorrow...

BUT FART JUST ONE TIME.
Well, whatever nevermind