Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 306961 times)

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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4725 on: November 06, 2018, 06:24:53 PM »
Three men die on Christmas Eve.
To get into Heaven St Peter says,
"You must have something on you that represents Christmas."
The Englishman flicks on his lighter and says "It's a candle."
St Peter lets him pass.
The Welshman pulls out a set of keys and jingles them and says,
"They are bells."
St Peter lets him pass.
The Irishman pulls out his 10in cock and St peter says,
"How does that represent Christmas?"
Paddy replies,
"It's a fecking cracker isn't it?"
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4726 on: November 11, 2018, 07:02:48 PM »
A couple years ago, one night I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph out of nowhere barged into the room, tripped, and fell head first onto the glass coffee table. Totally killed the vibe, now I didn't know Joseph that well, don't even remember where he was from, let's just say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.

Joseph had gotten a shard of glass stuck in his eye, which had permanently blinded that eye. For months he walked around with one of those cotton pads covering his eye. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend!

Apparently they had bonded in the time after his injuries, and eloped together, leaving me without so much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could.

In conclusion if it wasn’t for cotton eyed Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from cotton eyed Joe?
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4727 on: November 12, 2018, 08:44:30 AM »
 lol: lol: lol:
Skubber

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4728 on: November 12, 2018, 06:06:19 PM »
I was sitting in the pub when this gorgeous woman came over and said “Every time you smile I want to bring you back to my place”
 I said “fair play are you single?” She said “No. I'm a dentist”
Well, whatever nevermind

Online Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4729 on: November 12, 2018, 06:29:46 PM »
I was sitting in the pub when this gorgeous woman came over and said “Every time you smile I want to bring you back to my place”
 I said “fair play are you single?” She said “No. I'm a dentist”


 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4730 on: November 12, 2018, 08:42:09 PM »
I said to my wife, "When I die I'd like to die having sex."

She said, "At least we know it will be quick."
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4731 on: November 12, 2018, 09:52:31 PM »
I said to my wife, "When I die I'd like to die having sex."

She said, "At least we know it will be quick."
drumroll:
I mostly despair

Online Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4732 on: November 13, 2018, 04:47:10 AM »
I said to my wife, "When I die I'd like to die having sex."

She said, "At least we know it will be quick."
drumroll:

 drumroll: drumroll:
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4733 on: November 14, 2018, 09:43:00 PM »
Well, whatever nevermind

Online Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4734 on: November 15, 2018, 06:18:14 AM »
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Offline Darwins Selection

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I mostly despair

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4736 on: November 15, 2018, 05:04:56 PM »
It had been Snowing all night. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . SO . .??
8:00 a.m. I made a Snowman.
8:10 A Feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a Snow WOMAN..???
8:15 So, I made a Snow Woman.
8:17 My Feminist neighbour complained about the Snow Woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified Snow Women everywhere.
8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a Hissy-Fit and moaned it could have been two Snow MEN instead..??
8:22 The Transgender ma..wom...person asked why I didn't just make one Snow Person with detachable parts.
8:25 The Vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 The Muslim gent across the road demands the Snow Woman wear a Burqa..??
8:40 The Police arrive saying someone has been offended.
8:42 The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 TV news crew from the BBC shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices. My children are taken by social services.
9:29 Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the street demanding for me to be beheaded.

Moral :- There is NO Moral to this Story.
It's just the World in which we live today, and it is going to get Worse, Much, Much Worse..
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4737 on: November 15, 2018, 05:26:17 PM »
It had been Snowing all night. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . SO . .??
8:00 a.m. I made a Snowman.
8:10 A Feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a Snow WOMAN..???
8:15 So, I made a Snow Woman.
8:17 My Feminist neighbour complained about the Snow Woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified Snow Women everywhere.
8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a Hissy-Fit and moaned it could have been two Snow MEN instead..??
8:22 The Transgender ma..wom...person asked why I didn't just make one Snow Person with detachable parts.
8:25 The Vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 The Muslim gent across the road demands the Snow Woman wear a Burqa..??
8:40 The Police arrive saying someone has been offended.
8:42 The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 TV news crew from the BBC shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices. My children are taken by social services.
9:29 Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the street demanding for me to be beheaded.

Moral :- There is NO Moral to this Story.
It's just the World in which we live today, and it is going to get Worse, Much, Much Worse..
lol: lol: rubschin:
I mostly despair