Fresh from the Inbox

[Miss Demeanour]

Replies that Manchester women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the
section for listing "father's details;" or putting it another way...

    ...Who's your Daddy?


1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins,
Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley. I am
unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but
I believe that she was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my
child as I was being sick out of a window when taken
unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list
of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little
girl. She was conceived at a party at 360 East Bolton Avenue
where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do
remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you
do manage to track down the father, can you please send me
his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my
daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my
stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW
service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a
Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope
confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate
and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia dad as he
informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that
would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn
between doing right by you and right by the country . Please advise.

7.Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A. If you do
catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my
AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time....
well, I don't have clue.

8. From the dates, it seems that my daughter was
conceived at Euro-Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic
Kingdom.

9. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing
that I remember for sure is Gordon Ramsey did a programme
about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and
watched more TV rather than going to the party at 56
Miller St, mine might have remained unfertilized.

10. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my
baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you
can't be sure which one made you fart.

[The Moan Ranger]

My mate showed me his new treatment for his Tourettes. It's a small crystal pyramid in his garden which he has to stand near when his condition gets bad.

He swears by it.

[Barman]

My mate showed me his new treatment for his Tourettes. It's a small crystal pyramid in his garden which he has to stand near when his condition gets bad.

He swears by it.

 

[apc2010]

A custard pie has been thrown at Rupert Murdoch on live TV.

Apparently, the clown prosecution service will be investigating.......

[Darwins Selection]

A custard pie has been thrown at Rupert Murdoch on live TV.

Apparently, the clown prosecution service will be investigating.......

[apc2010]

My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"

I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?

[Baldy]

My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"

I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?

 

[Just One More]

Grandad went into a nursing home .
I rang to see how he was settling in and they told me he was like a fish out of water .
I assumed by that they meant he wasn't settling in well .
Then they told me he was dead .

[Just One More]

I went out last night , had a few too many beers , and woke up next to a fat bird this morning .
I handed her a peice of paper as I left , and told her 'If you want to see me again call this number' .
She said 'you haven't written your name on it' .
To which I replied 'It ain't my number . It's for WeightWatchers you fat fucker'

[Baldy]

I went out last night , had a few too many beers , and woke up next to a fat bird this morning .
I handed her a peice of paper as I left , and told her 'If you want to see me again call this number' .
She said 'you haven't written your name on it' .
To which I replied 'It ain't my number . It's for WeightWatchers you fat fucker'

 

[The Moan Ranger]

Wheelchair users are so ungrateful.

They've put ramps up for them all over my town but you never see the lazy fuckers doing any tricks.

[Baldy]

Wheelchair users are so ungrateful.

They've put ramps up for them all over my town but you never see the lazy fuckers doing any tricks.

 

[Barman]

My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"

I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?

Oooohh... Is it time for my penguin joke? 

[Snoopy]

My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"

I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?

Oooohh... Is it time for my penguin joke? 

Go on then .... since there's only the two of us here but be quick.

[Nick]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aySEdLaEDc8&feature=player_embedded