Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 379575 times)

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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #870 on: July 19, 2011, 09:03:15 AM »
Replies that Manchester women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the
section for listing "father's details;" or putting it another way...

    ...Who's your Daddy?


1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins,
Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley. I am
unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but
I believe that she was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my
child as I was being sick out of a window when taken
unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list
of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little
girl. She was conceived at a party at 360 East Bolton Avenue
where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do
remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you
do manage to track down the father, can you please send me
his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my
daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my
stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW
service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a
Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope
confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate
and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia dad as he
informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that
would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn
between doing right by you and right by the country . Please advise.

7.Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A. If you do
catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my
AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time....
well, I don't have clue.

8. From the dates, it seems that my daughter was
conceived at Euro-Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic
Kingdom.

9. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing
that I remember for sure is Gordon Ramsey did a programme
about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and
watched more TV rather than going to the party at 56
Miller St, mine might have remained unfertilized.

10. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my
baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you
can't be sure which one made you fart.
Skubber

Offline The Moan Ranger (Orderer of the Guinness)

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #871 on: July 19, 2011, 09:21:14 AM »
My mate showed me his new treatment for his Tourettes. It's a small crystal pyramid in his garden which he has to stand near when his condition gets bad.

He swears by it.

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #872 on: July 19, 2011, 09:29:52 AM »
My mate showed me his new treatment for his Tourettes. It's a small crystal pyramid in his garden which he has to stand near when his condition gets bad.

He swears by it.

 drumroll:
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #873 on: July 20, 2011, 02:32:15 PM »
A custard pie has been thrown at Rupert Murdoch on live TV.

Apparently, the clown prosecution service will be investigating.......

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #874 on: July 20, 2011, 02:38:06 PM »
A custard pie has been thrown at Rupert Murdoch on live TV.

Apparently, the clown prosecution service will be investigating.......
lol: lol: lol:
I mostly despair

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #875 on: July 20, 2011, 04:17:53 PM »
My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"

I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?

Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #876 on: July 20, 2011, 04:45:27 PM »
My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"

I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?

 lol: lol: lol:

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #877 on: July 20, 2011, 07:55:58 PM »
Grandad went into a nursing home .
I rang to see how he was settling in and they told me he was like a fish out of water .
I assumed by that they meant he wasn't settling in well .
Then they told me he was dead .
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #878 on: July 20, 2011, 08:09:54 PM »
I went out last night , had a few too many beers , and woke up next to a fat bird this morning .
I handed her a peice of paper as I left , and told her 'If you want to see me again call this number' .
She said 'you haven't written your name on it' .
To which I replied 'It ain't my number . It's for WeightWatchers you fat fucker'

LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #879 on: July 22, 2011, 12:12:03 AM »
I went out last night , had a few too many beers , and woke up next to a fat bird this morning .
I handed her a peice of paper as I left , and told her 'If you want to see me again call this number' .
She said 'you haven't written your name on it' .
To which I replied 'It ain't my number . It's for WeightWatchers you fat fucker'

 lol: lol: lol:

Offline The Moan Ranger (Orderer of the Guinness)

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #880 on: July 22, 2011, 02:53:23 AM »
Wheelchair users are so ungrateful.

They've put ramps up for them all over my town but you never see the lazy fuckers doing any tricks.

Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #881 on: July 22, 2011, 05:36:45 AM »
Wheelchair users are so ungrateful.

They've put ramps up for them all over my town but you never see the lazy fuckers doing any tricks.

 lol: lol: lol:

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #882 on: July 22, 2011, 09:12:12 AM »
My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"

I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?


Oooohh... Is it time for my penguin joke?  cloud9:
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Offline Snoopy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #883 on: July 22, 2011, 09:13:19 AM »
My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"

I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?


Oooohh... Is it time for my penguin joke?  cloud9:

Go on then .... since there's only the two of us here but be quick.
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Nick

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Warning: May contain Skub
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