Fresh from the Inbox

[Uncle Mort]

 

[Darwins Selection]

Just lost my job as a personal shopper in a major department store. A woman asked me "What type of watch would best suit an Afro Caribbean gentleman?"

It would seem that my answer of "A neighbourhood one", was not appreciated..........

[Nick]

My sister sends me a text:

There is a fault with my phone at present, but leave me a message and the News of The World will forward it to me later

[Barman]

My sister sends me a text:

There is a fault with my phone at present, but leave me a message and the News of The World will forward it to me later

[Just One More]

Students at a local school were assigned to read two books and write a book report. The books were: 'Titanic' & 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.

One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic:        cost -  $29.99
Clinton :      cost -  $29.99
Titanic:        Over 3 hours to read
Clinton :      Over 3 hours to read
Titanic:       The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton :       The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love,  and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic:        Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton :       Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic:        In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton :       Ditto for Monica.
Titanic:        During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton:       Ditto for Monica.
Titanic:        Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton :      Let's not go there.
Titanic:        Rose gets to keep her jewellery
Clinton :      Monica is forced to return her gifts.
Titanic:        Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:      Clinton remembers Monica for the rest of his life.
Titanic:        Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:       Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic:        Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton :      Bill goes home to Hilary - basically the same thing.

[Nick]

 

[Barman]

Students at a local school were assigned to read two books and write a book report. The books were: 'Titanic' & 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.

One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic:        cost -  $29.99
Clinton :      cost -  $29.99
Titanic:        Over 3 hours to read
Clinton :      Over 3 hours to read
Titanic:       The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton :       The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love,  and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic:        Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton :       Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic:        In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton :       Ditto for Monica.
Titanic:        During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton:       Ditto for Monica.
Titanic:        Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton :      Let's not go there.
Titanic:        Rose gets to keep her jewellery
Clinton :      Monica is forced to return her gifts.
Titanic:        Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:      Clinton remembers Monica for the rest of his life.
Titanic:        Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:       Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic:        Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton :      Bill goes home to Hilary - basically the same thing.

 

[miss Tchevious]

  feckin excellent!!

[The Moan Ranger]

So, apparently it's just a bit of lighthearted fun when people dress up to go and see Harry Potter at the cinema, but when you do the same for Schindler's List you're some kind of sick weirdo.

[Uncle Mort]

 

 

 

[Darwins Selection]

So, apparently it's just a bit of lighthearted fun when people dress up to go and see Harry Potter at the cinema, but when you do the same for Schindler's List you're some kind of sick weirdo.

[apc2010]

So, apparently it's just a bit of lighthearted fun when people dress up to go and see Harry Potter at the cinema, but when you do the same for Schindler's List you're some kind of sick weirdo.

Gonna use that one .............(cheque in the post ....... )

[Barman]

So, apparently it's just a bit of lighthearted fun when people dress up to go and see Harry Potter at the cinema, but when you do the same for Schindler's List you're some kind of sick weirdo.

 

[The Moan Ranger]

What's the biggest difference between men and women?

What they mean, when they say: "I got through a whole box of tissues watching that film."

 

[Barman]