Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 379569 times)

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Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #195 on: November 30, 2010, 07:02:19 AM »
So true indeed Mr Nick.

When my ex found out I'd slept with at least two of her friends she suggested "Get some bloody friends of your own!"
They could have not been very good friends of her.  whistle:

And the problem is?  ;)
They spilled the beans possibly. ::)

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Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #197 on: December 01, 2010, 04:29:26 PM »
The Stud
     

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
       St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer's down.
       You will have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. 
       What'll it be?"
       The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains ."
       "So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
       The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of  this week 'count' St. Peter?" "

       No I told you the computer's down, There's no way we can keep track of what you are doing."
       In that case" says the second priest, I've always wanted to be a stud.
       "So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
       A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests.
       "Will you have any trouble locating them? he asks.
       "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter,
       "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles.
        But the second one could prove to be more difficult."
       “Why?” asks the Lord.
       "He's on a snow tire, somewhere in Saskatchewan"


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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #198 on: December 01, 2010, 04:32:39 PM »
 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #199 on: December 03, 2010, 10:10:39 AM »
A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girl friend.

They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland.

Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal.

Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves.

His sister bought a £20 pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time.

Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers.

Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped in a parcel with the following letter


**************************




Dear Maggie,

I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove).

These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks.

I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.

Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.

I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.

All my Love, Chris

P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #200 on: December 03, 2010, 11:44:43 AM »
Because of all the snow and ice the government are worried about kids playing on the roads..........



To scare them off they are they've bought out a new machine called the 'Gary Gritter'...........

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #201 on: December 03, 2010, 11:49:34 AM »
 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #202 on: December 03, 2010, 08:02:58 PM »




Maybe the woodpeckers weren't the best idea

LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #203 on: December 03, 2010, 09:24:52 PM »
Guy meets a fat girl at a disco. He chats her up, they get on well, so at the end of the evening she asks him back to her flat. He’s not too sure because she is a bit on the large side he but he thinks what the hell. Back at her place they go upstairs and get down to the business. He climbs on top. After a while he says would it be ‘OK if we turned off the light’.

She gets all uptight. ‘You’re just like all the other blokes I meet. Every bloke wants to screw me but nobody wants to look at me because I’m so fat’.

‘No its not that’ says the bloke, ‘its just that the bulb is burning my arse'



LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #204 on: December 03, 2010, 09:28:17 PM »
The only cow in a small town in Scotland stopped giving milk. The town folk found they could buy a cow in Wales quite cheaply., so they brought the cow from Wales and it was wonderful, produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he was never able to do the deed. The people were very upset and decided to go the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.

"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, they said, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts from the one side, she walks away to the other side.

"The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Wales ?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Wales. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Wales ?”


“The Vet replied, with a distant look in his eye: "My wife is from Wales .."
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #205 on: December 04, 2010, 04:48:43 AM »
 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Tipsy Gipsy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #206 on: December 04, 2010, 08:34:05 AM »
The English couple held ransom in Somalia are to release a DVD next week detailing their horrific ordeal, price £19.99. 
I think I'll wait for the pirate copy....
It's better than I ever even knew.  They say that the world was built for two.  Only worth living if somebody is loving you.  Baby now you do.

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #207 on: December 04, 2010, 08:40:38 AM »
The English couple held ransom in Somalia are to release a DVD next week detailing their horrific ordeal, price £19.99. 
I think I'll wait for the pirate copy....

 drumroll:  lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #208 on: December 04, 2010, 08:48:25 AM »
The English couple held ransom in Somalia are to release a DVD next week detailing their horrific ordeal, price £19.99. 


Blimey ...that costs an arm and a leg
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Offline Pirate

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #209 on: December 04, 2010, 12:31:09 PM »
Wont be a patch on the real thing