Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 379561 times)

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Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #165 on: November 18, 2010, 08:40:02 PM »
I see that Kate Middleton is the first person to slip her finger into Dianas' ring since Dodi Al Fayed.

Offline Pirate

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #166 on: November 18, 2010, 08:44:52 PM »
I see that Kate Middleton is the first person to slip her finger into Dianas' ring since Dodi Al Fayed.


 happy001  happy001

 Oh apc...nonono: (that's what I usually get)

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #167 on: November 19, 2010, 05:21:30 AM »
 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #168 on: November 19, 2010, 07:13:07 AM »
Kate goes to the Queen and says "Every time I suck Williams knob I get acid indegestion"

The Queen replies "Have you tried Andrews?"

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #169 on: November 19, 2010, 07:13:56 AM »
Kate goes to the Queen and says "Every time I suck Williams knob I get acid indegestion"

The Queen replies "Have you tried Andrews?"

happy001
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Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #170 on: November 19, 2010, 07:16:23 AM »
Why are parking spaces like girls at parties?

If you get there late the best ones are taken, so when no one is looking you stick it in the disabled one.

Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #171 on: November 19, 2010, 07:55:18 PM »
Everyone seems to wondering why muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.

Let's have a look at the evidence:

No Christmas
No television
No nude women
No Football
No pork chops
No hotdogs
No burgers
No beer
No bacon
Rags for clothes
Towels for hats
Constant wailing from some wanker in a tower
More than one wife
More than one mother-in-law
You can't shave
Your wife can't shave
You can't wash off the smell of donkey
You wipe your arse with your hand
You cook over burning camel shit
Your wife is picked by someone else
Your wife smells worse than your donkey

Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"

No shit Sherlock! ..... It's not like it could get much fucking worse!

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #172 on: November 19, 2010, 07:56:33 PM »
 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Snoopy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #173 on: November 21, 2010, 07:35:24 PM »
Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when he decided that he really needed a new robe.

After looking around for a while, he saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor..

So, he went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for him. A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on -- and it was a perfect fit!

He asked how much he owed.

Finkelstein brushed him off: "No, no, no, for the Son of God there's no charge!......
...... However, may I ask for a small favour. Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor?"

Jesus readily agreed and as promised, extolled the virtues of his Finkelstein robe whenever he spoke to the masses.

A few months later, while Jesus was again walking through Jerusalem , he happened to walk past Finkelstein's shop and noted a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein's robes.

He pushed his way through the crowd to speak to him and as soon as Finkelstein spotted him he said: "Jesus, Jesus, look what you've done for my business!....
..... Would you consider a partnership?"

"Certainly," replied Jesus "Jesus & Finkelstein it is."

"Oh, no, no," said Finkelstein.

"Finkelstein & Jesus... After all, I am the craftsman."

The two of them debated this for some time.

Their discussion was long and spirited, but ultimately fruitful -- and they finally came up with a mutually acceptable compromise.. A few days later, the new sign went up over Finkelstein's shop:


I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Online Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #174 on: November 21, 2010, 07:37:33 PM »
NURSE!! THE VET!
Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #175 on: November 21, 2010, 07:38:32 PM »
 tunble:
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Offline Pirate

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #176 on: November 22, 2010, 09:37:04 PM »
I was at the cashpoint today and a little old lady said to me
"Please could you help me check my balance dear"
"Of course I can" I replied. so I pushed her over!

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #177 on: November 23, 2010, 05:18:51 AM »
I was at the cashpoint today and a little old lady said to me
"Please could you help me check my balance dear"
"Of course I can" I replied. so I pushed her over!

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #178 on: November 23, 2010, 01:16:01 PM »
The Old Flame


 
 
I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who this morning called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around.
 

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.


 I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old magic".


"Wow!" I was flabbergasted.


"I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I'm a bit older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have."

She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge".



"Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!"
 

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.
 

She teased me saying that tubby, grey haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.


Anyway, she giggled and said, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"
 







So I told her to fuck off.

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #179 on: November 23, 2010, 01:17:30 PM »
The Old Flame


 
 
I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who this morning called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around.
 

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.


 I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old magic".


"Wow!" I was flabbergasted.


"I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I'm a bit older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have."

She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge".



"Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!"
 

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.
 

She teased me saying that tubby, grey haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.


Anyway, she giggled and said, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"
 







So I told her to fuck off.


 lol: lol: lol:
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