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Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 405277 times)

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Offline Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5130 on: June 29, 2019, 03:53:51 PM »
See also Tommy Cooper
Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5131 on: June 29, 2019, 03:57:06 PM »
I just had the police at my door, they showed me a picture and asked if this is your wife.
I said yes and they said they were sorry but it looks like she has been hit by a bus.
I said I know but she’s good with the kids.

 drumroll:
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5132 on: June 29, 2019, 05:07:05 PM »
See also Tommy Cooper
if he posted it here then you can say Affs
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5133 on: June 29, 2019, 11:16:10 PM »
See also Tommy Cooper
if he posted it here then you can say Affs

 ;D ;D Thumbs:

Offline The Moan Ranger (Orderer of the Guinness)

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5134 on: July 03, 2019, 02:59:27 PM »
Ha!

Offline Barman

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Offline Steve

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Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5137 on: July 03, 2019, 07:58:43 PM »
DEAR DIARY - DAY 1
All packed for the cruise ship --
all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting.
Our local Ladies Bowls Club – ‘The Late Bloomers’ decided on this
"all-girls" trip. It will be my first one - and I can't wait!
----------------------------- --------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 2
Entire day at sea, so beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins.
Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 3
At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck.
The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner.
Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 4
Won £800 in the ship's Casino. The Captain asked me to have dinner with
him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar
and champagne.
He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful
to my husband.
------------------------------ --------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 5
Pool again today. Got really sunburned, and I went inside for a drink at the
piano-bar and to cool down; stayed there for rest of day. The Captain saw me,
bought me several large drinks. Really is quite charming. Again asked me to visit
his cabin for the night. Again, I declined.
He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship...
I was shocked
. ------------------------------ --------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 6
Today I saved 2600 lives.
Twice ...... ..
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5138 on: July 04, 2019, 04:18:30 AM »
DEAR DIARY - DAY 1
All packed for the cruise ship --
all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting.
Our local Ladies Bowls Club – ‘The Late Bloomers’ decided on this
"all-girls" trip. It will be my first one - and I can't wait!
----------------------------- --------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 2
Entire day at sea, so beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins.
Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 3
At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck.
The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner.
Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 4
Won £800 in the ship's Casino. The Captain asked me to have dinner with
him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar
and champagne.
He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful
to my husband.
------------------------------ --------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 5
Pool again today. Got really sunburned, and I went inside for a drink at the
piano-bar and to cool down; stayed there for rest of day. The Captain saw me,
bought me several large drinks. Really is quite charming. Again asked me to visit
his cabin for the night. Again, I declined.
He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship...
I was shocked
. ------------------------------ --------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 6
Today I saved 2600 lives.
Twice ...... ..

 lol:
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5139 on: July 08, 2019, 01:39:30 PM »
I called my mate last night for a drink. He said he was working on a special project,
Aqua thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment.

Boy was I impressed,

but he told me later he was doing the washing up in warm water under the supervision of his wife.
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5140 on: July 08, 2019, 01:40:58 PM »
I called my mate last night for a drink. He said he was working on a special project,
Aqua thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment.

Boy was I impressed,

but he told me later he was doing the washing up in warm water under the supervision of his wife.

 ;D
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5141 on: July 09, 2019, 04:46:42 AM »
I called my mate last night for a drink. He said he was working on a special project,
Aqua thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment.

Boy was I impressed,

but he told me later he was doing the washing up in warm water under the supervision of his wife.

 ;D

 ;D ;D
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5142 on: July 09, 2019, 12:24:35 PM »
I called my mate last night for a drink. He said he was working on a special project,
Aqua thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment.

Boy was I impressed,

but he told me later he was doing the washing up in warm water under the supervision of his wife.

 ;D

 ;D ;D
lol: lol: lol:
I mostly despair

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5143 on: July 12, 2019, 05:20:44 PM »
My uncle just text me and asked me. What does IDK mean?
I said, "I  don't  know."
He said,
"Nobody seems to know!"
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Uncle Mort

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5144 on: July 12, 2019, 06:21:23 PM »
Reminds me of "Who's on first"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTcRRaXV-fg