Working with Mongs...

[apc2010]

As much as I want work ..when a competitor double-books (fvcks up ) yes I can cover it ..but tell me first before the bride msgs me ....    Blagged it but .......

[beerhead]

Northern monkey stag party recce starts tomorrow. A local wag has suggested dropping them off on the side of the road outside town. Most evenings a few of the local hookers are there, doing business with Rumanian truck drivers.

[apc2010]

Northern monkey stag party recce starts tomorrow. A local wag has suggested dropping them off on the side of the road outside town. Most evenings a few of the local hookers are there, doing business with Rumanian truck drivers.

 

[beerhead]

Just put the northern monkeys on a plane home. Well the carabinieri did, I was just there as translator. Details later.

[Nick]

 

[Steve]

[beerhead]

Where do I start ? I didn't want to get involved so I gave them a list of places to visit (all a sensible distance away)  and sent them off. Within hours they were calling to say that no-one understood what they were saying, they couldn't find the only Macdonalds within 50 miles, and they couldn't get a cheap pint of lager. Apparently it costs half as much in their local Wetherspoons, and being real men they don't drink wine

Sorted that and told them I  would be out of reach for a day or two. When I got back Sunday Evening and stopped at Bar Tinca for an aperitivo I found out they had been banged up for various offenses. On Friday they got thrown out of the only dodgy club for miles, tried to start a fight outside, couldn't get a taxi to bring them back to the village and finally got the 7.00 am bus back. They were rude to the driver (still drunk)), so he called the local police who got them off the bus and made them walk the last 3 miles- it's very uphill.
Being northern monkeys they didn't take the hint and started drinking again after a short break for clean underwear. Insulting the Catholic Church during Easter weekend didn't go down well and trying to buy the favours of some of the local women was probably the last straw. This time the Carab's had had enough and went in heavy. The five of them were thrown in the cell "for their own safety", Passports confiscated, bruises collected. I had to act as interpreter and they started to have a go at me. I walked away and left them to stew. We got them on the plane this morning, complete with official escort.

I'm off to an interesting meeting now. The Hotel they had booked doesn't want them, the local priest won't marry them and the wedding caterer's have pretty much doubled their quote. And Mirko the mayor will be telling them officially they aren't welcome back, but we will be keeping their deposit to cover fines and costs.

And Mirko also asked me to mark their home town on a map of the UK. I'm going to draw the usual line from the severn estuary to the wash to mark where civilisation ends.

[Nick]

 

[Barman]

Where do I start ? I didn't want to get involved so I gave them a list of places to visit (all a sensible distance away)  and sent them off. Within hours they were calling to say that no-one understood what they were saying, they couldn't find the only Macdonalds within 50 miles, and they couldn't get a cheap pint of lager. Apparently it costs half as much in their local Wetherspoons, and being real men they don't drink wine

Sorted that and told them I  would be out of reach for a day or two. When I got back Sunday Evening and stopped at Bar Tinca for an aperitivo I found out they had been banged up for various offenses. On Friday they got thrown out of the only dodgy club for miles, tried to start a fight outside, couldn't get a taxi to bring them back to the village and finally got the 7.00 am bus back. They were rude to the driver (still drunk)), so he called the local police who got them off the bus and made them walk the last 3 miles- it's very uphill.
Being northern monkeys they didn't take the hint and started drinking again after a short break for clean underwear. Insulting the Catholic Church during Easter weekend didn't go down well and trying to buy the favours of some of the local women was probably the last straw. This time the Carab's had had enough and went in heavy. The five of them were thrown in the cell "for their own safety", Passports confiscated, bruises collected. I had to act as interpreter and they started to have a go at me. I walked away and left them to stew. We got them on the plane this morning, complete with official escort.

I'm off to an interesting meeting now. The Hotel they had booked doesn't want them, the local priest won't marry them and the wedding caterer's have pretty much doubled their quote. And Mirko the mayor will be telling them officially they aren't welcome back, but we will be keeping their deposit to cover fines and costs.

And Mirko also asked me to mark their home town on a map of the UK. I'm going to draw the usual line from the severn estuary to the wash to mark where civilisation ends.

Excellent! 

Apart from the ridiculous bit about clean underwear...

[apc2010]

Where do I start ? I didn't want to get involved so I gave them a list of places to visit (all a sensible distance away)  and sent them off. Within hours they were calling to say that no-one understood what they were saying, they couldn't find the only Macdonalds within 50 miles, and they couldn't get a cheap pint of lager. Apparently it costs half as much in their local Wetherspoons, and being real men they don't drink wine

Sorted that and told them I  would be out of reach for a day or two. When I got back Sunday Evening and stopped at Bar Tinca for an aperitivo I found out they had been banged up for various offenses. On Friday they got thrown out of the only dodgy club for miles, tried to start a fight outside, couldn't get a taxi to bring them back to the village and finally got the 7.00 am bus back. They were rude to the driver (still drunk)), so he called the local police who got them off the bus and made them walk the last 3 miles- it's very uphill.
Being northern monkeys they didn't take the hint and started drinking again after a short break for clean underwear. Insulting the Catholic Church during Easter weekend didn't go down well and trying to buy the favours of some of the local women was probably the last straw. This time the Carab's had had enough and went in heavy. The five of them were thrown in the cell "for their own safety", Passports confiscated, bruises collected. I had to act as interpreter and they started to have a go at me. I walked away and left them to stew. We got them on the plane this morning, complete with official escort.

I'm off to an interesting meeting now. The Hotel they had booked doesn't want them, the local priest won't marry them and the wedding caterer's have pretty much doubled their quote. And Mirko the mayor will be telling them officially they aren't welcome back, but we will be keeping their deposit to cover fines and costs.

And Mirko also asked me to mark their home town on a map of the UK. I'm going to draw the usual line from the severn estuary to the wash to mark where civilisation ends.

 

[Steve]

Where do I start ? I didn't want to get involved so I gave them a list of places to visit (all a sensible distance away)  and sent them off. Within hours they were calling to say that no-one understood what they were saying, they couldn't find the only Macdonalds within 50 miles, and they couldn't get a cheap pint of lager. Apparently it costs half as much in their local Wetherspoons, and being real men they don't drink wine

Sorted that and told them I  would be out of reach for a day or two. When I got back Sunday Evening and stopped at Bar Tinca for an aperitivo I found out they had been banged up for various offenses. On Friday they got thrown out of the only dodgy club for miles, tried to start a fight outside, couldn't get a taxi to bring them back to the village and finally got the 7.00 am bus back. They were rude to the driver (still drunk)), so he called the local police who got them off the bus and made them walk the last 3 miles- it's very uphill.
Being northern monkeys they didn't take the hint and started drinking again after a short break for clean underwear. Insulting the Catholic Church during Easter weekend didn't go down well and trying to buy the favours of some of the local women was probably the last straw. This time the Carab's had had enough and went in heavy. The five of them were thrown in the cell "for their own safety", Passports confiscated, bruises collected. I had to act as interpreter and they started to have a go at me. I walked away and left them to stew. We got them on the plane this morning, complete with official escort.

I'm off to an interesting meeting now. The Hotel they had booked doesn't want them, the local priest won't marry them and the wedding caterer's have pretty much doubled their quote. And Mirko the mayor will be telling them officially they aren't welcome back, but we will be keeping their deposit to cover fines and costs.

And Mirko also asked me to mark their home town on a map of the UK. I'm going to draw the usual line from the severn estuary to the wash to mark where civilisation ends.

 

I'm going for    more shame loaded on the UK

You have to be a prize cunt not to enjoy and be welcomed in Italy but yet again areas of Britain have bred just such uber cunts, somehow the bastards got passports and went to the right airport on time.

People moan about all sorts of Ethnics and Asian and Yank tourists but in my experience nothing ever seems to be as bad as tattooed Brit Chav on tour

Send them on a one way trip to Raqqa.

[Nick]

 

[beerhead]

Update: Cleaning up their hotel rooms has a revealed few empty grappa bottles and an obvious lack of prior knowledge of the function of a bidet.

[Nick]

Manchester or Liverpool?

[beerhead]

Nick, an impressive bit of socio-anthropological deduction. They are from the Preston area.