The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on June 08, 2007, 11:25:42 AM
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If this stuff goes on for much longer I am going to scream and rage!
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scared:
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Absolute chaos. Stress. Screaming. Mess. Noice. Thumping. Effing roofers. Delivery Men. Hoovers. Mrs Nick in a flap since 8 this morning.
Will EVERYONE JUST GO AWAY
Banghead Banghead Banghead cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: Banghead censored: Banghead cussing: eeek: evil: evil: Banghead Banghead censored: censored: censored: eveilgrin: eveilgrin: surrender: scared2: scared2:
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Apart from that, are you having a good day?
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evil:
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Absolute chaos. Stress. Screaming. Mess. Noice. Thumping. Effing roofers. Delivery Men. Hoovers. Mrs Nick in a flap since 8 this morning.
Will EVERYONE JUST GO AWAY
Banghead Banghead Banghead cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: Banghead censored: Banghead cussing: eeek: evil: evil: Banghead Banghead censored: censored: censored: eveilgrin: eveilgrin: surrender: scared2: scared2:
Its just a normal day in the Nick household *sudden feeling of impending doom" scared2:
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And don't even talk to me about the "cat shit" instruction! evil:
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Are you saying that the cats in your house have instructions about where to mark their territory? eeek:
Surely you must know by now that they do whatever the hell they want Nick point:
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ANd Now, just when I thought it could not get worse.
It just got worse! Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
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Still isn't today the last official day of the TWO WEEK halfterm? Surely that is something to be thankful for?
What was delivered? Saucepans? Shoes?
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ANd Now, just when I thought it could not get worse.
It just got worse! Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
You've blown up the microwave/television/badger/computer/other insert as applicable?
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Deep breaths.
We have a dining room and a kitchen. The kitchen contains a dining table and 4 chairs.
The dining room has TWO dining tables and 6 more chairs.
Thus we actually have a dining table EACH.
:ast weekend I was dragged into Scallypool to give opinion on a DINING TABLE that Mrs Nick had spotted in a sale. It was quite clear that my opinion was superfluous since she was intent on buying it (it was a BARGAIN) and came with SIX MORE CHAIRS.
The whole effing lot arrived earlier. We now have FOUR DINING TABLES and 16 chairs. 16 cussing: cussing:
I should point out that the whole lot has arrived in ELEVEN BOXES since the blasted thing, including the chairs is SELF ASSEMBLY!!!! censored: Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead eeek: eeek: evil: evil: evil: evil: evil: evil: evil: evil:
AND MOREOVER, IN HERE DESPERATE RUSH TO CLEAR A SPACE FOR THIS WHITE ELEPHANT SHE HAS BEEN STUFFING THINGS INTO CUPBOARDS. THE CUPBOARD DOOR IN MY OFFICE HAS JUST OPENED ITSELF AND DISGORGED AN AVALANCHE OF TAT ALL OVER MY DESK cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
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Just a thought but does Castle Nick have an open fire perchance? eyes:
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lOTS, BUT mRS nICK CAN COUNT BEYOND 16. She uses her fingers.
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lOTS, BUT mRS nICK CAN COUNT BEYOND 16. She uses her fingers.
eeek: I'm not touching that with a 10 foot bargepole, my insurance wont cover the risk.
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We have a dining room and a kitchen.
You will be trying to tell us you have running water, electricity and an indoor toilet next. ::)
Some of us have been north of the Watford Gap you know, we are not all gullible like Wench. whistle:
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And I spent all of yesterday locked in a hot room with a lunatic. It was a "meeting". The woman needs shooting.
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And I spent all of yesterday locked in a hot room with a lunatic. It was a "meeting". The woman needs shooting.
You know something tells me the woman was probably thinking the same thing point:
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QUite possibly so, especially since the formal grievance procedure has now kicked in. evil: Quite rare to use ACAS procedures for a contractor rather than an employee, I imagine
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We have a dining room and a kitchen.
You will be trying to tell us you have running water, electricity and an indoor toilet next. ::)
Some of us have been north of the Watford Gap you know, we are not all gullible like Wench. whistle:
No need to whistle: as far as I am concerned anything North of the M25 is Northern. I am having problems with a freind's new BF who claims that Norwich isn't North. ::)
So the dining table was purchased because it was a bargin? Where are you putting it? Do you want to get rid of one?
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1. Norwich is East Angry9:
2. we are putting it IN THE DINING ROOM with the other two DINING TABLES so that we can seat 16 people in comfort obviously. (Once I have spent a week setting the whole sodding thing up)
3. I want to get rid of TWO redundant dining tables, but this is not allowed. Banghead Banghead
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That's easy Nick. Few minutes with a drill while Mrs Nick is out and all of a sudden you have to get rid of one of the tables because it has 'woodworm' eyes:
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I like that idea. One is an heirloom, but the other two are shite.
Hmmmmm.
Maybe I could forego the drill and just buy some real woodworm.
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Before you consdier the real woodworm, how old is your home? Bear in mind that you are a magnet for calamities. You could end up with the lot coming down around your ears eeek:
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So, how big is your dining room?
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So, how big is your dining room?
Before or after woodworm? whistle:
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Absolute chaos. Stress. Screaming. Mess. Noice. Thumping. Effing roofers. Delivery Men. Hoovers. Mrs Nick in a flap since 8 this morning.
Will EVERYONE JUST GO AWAY
Banghead Banghead Banghead cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: Banghead censored: Banghead cussing: eeek: evil: evil: Banghead Banghead censored: censored: censored: eveilgrin: eveilgrin: surrender: scared2: scared2:
Its just a normal day in the Nick household *sudden feeling of impending doom" scared2:
I am calm and normal. It is the other inhabitants of this pile who are barking. And that includes the CAT!
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Before you consdier the real woodworm, how old is your home? Bear in mind that you are a magnet for calamities. You could end up with the lot coming down around your ears eeek:
1720 and mostly, er, wood. But I could tame the woodworm (think Flea Circuses)
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So, how big is your dining room?
Are you asking me to measure it. Christ. It contains:
One Piano
Two alcoves full of books all in Spanish
A dead TV
A dead Video player
Two six seater dining tables (including the new one in the eleven boxes)
A Sofa
A record player (older members will explain)
A CD player
Speakers
Other tat
More tat
TWO complete sets of cutlery (one heirloom and one I was tricked into buying recently cos the box was nice and it was a BARGAIN)
Oh, and still room for dancing. Ask Growler. Not that we have danced of course. Much
Hmmm. Saucepans: check
Cutlery: check
Dining tables and chairs: check
Restaurant?
Trouble is, I am the only bastard who COOKS in this house.
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I am calm and normal
Ok now I'm terrified scared:
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Bloody hell that is stacks of room! Bugger Snoopy, will you adopt me? I'm far less trouble than The Boy and Mrs Nick and I cook!
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Bugger Snoopy, will you adopt me?
I should point out that certain adoption agencies take a dim view of that kind of thing point:
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Okay?
In an episode worthy of Nick?
?Talking cat? was bitten by a snake on Monday and has spent the week at the vets (at god knows what expense).
Mrs. The Barman brought him home this evening and he immediately repaid our kindness by projectile vomiting yellow bile all over my office. cussing:
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I don't wish to be adopted by you. eeek:
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Bloody hell that is stacks of room! Bugger Snoopy, will you adopt me? I'm far less trouble than The Boy and Mrs Nick and I cook!
Snoopy the rent beagle? eeek:
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Talking cat? rubschin:
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Talking cat? rubschin:
Of course... whistle:
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Bloody hell that is stacks of room! Bugger Snoopy, will you adopt me? I'm far less trouble than The Boy and Mrs Nick and I cook!
Snoopy the rent beagle? eeek:
Well he has to fund his burgeoning book collection somehow eyes:
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Talking cat? rubschin:
Of course... whistle:
I have to tell you this but not even Wenchy is going to fall for that one point:
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Talking cat? rubschin:
Of course... whistle:
I have to tell you this but not even Wenchy is going to fall for that one point:
Indeed no.
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He talks all the time ? well, when he isn?t puking of course.
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He talks all the time ? well, when he isn?t puking of course.
Of course he does. eeek:
<backs away slowly>
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He talks all the time ? well, when he isn?t puking of course.
Of course he does. eeek:
<backs away slowly>
noooo: That?ll be my karma into negative figures then? sad24:
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Thats a thought Wenchy, isnt anyone who's karma hits -100 supposed to be chastised in your dungeon... eyes:
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Barman enjoys it. So it sort of destroys the point. redface:
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Thats a thought Wenchy, isnt anyone who's karma hits -100 supposed to be chastised in your dungeon... eyes:
Ahem... whistle:
The last one to reach -100 is a lickspittle. spider:
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I AM here you know! Banghead
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methinks I need to bring some Ritalin to our meeting whistle:
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Quite. I still have 11 boxes downstairs!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr cussing:
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Quite. I still have 11 boxes downstairs!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr cussing:
Of Ritalin? noooo:
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Quite. I still have 11 boxes downstairs!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr cussing:
Of Ritalin? noooo:
Can we book a table at Cafe Nick for next Thursday afternoon? I will be in need of massive amounts of R & R then.
I assume the 11 boxes will be emptied and assembled by then? whistle:
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Talking cat? rubschin:
Of course... whistle:
I have to tell you this but not even Wenchy is going to fall for that one point:
I believe you. I had 2 of the little buggers, one who talked all the time, you just could not shut her up, and another who only talked when I shut his tail in the door or stood on it, and he would leave it laying around all over the place. redface: Even worse I could understand every word. scared2:
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Talking cat? rubschin:
Of course... whistle:
I have to tell you this but not even Wenchy is going to fall for that one point:
I believe you. I had 2 of the little buggers, one who talked all the time, you just could not shut her up, and another who only talked when I shut his tail in the door or stood on it, and he would leave it laying around all over the place. redface: Even worse I could understand every word. scared2:
Barking Mad the lot of you whacky115
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It just got worse. Mrs Nick has declated that the Dining Room has to be redecorated to do justice to the new table and chairs, and part of this will involve a new carpet.
Some "bargain" Banghead
And I have just been informed that she has bougth two new beds for the Boy's Room which are being delivered on Monday and will require, yep, assembly!
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Foreseeable sequence of events I'm afraid...................... She'll want to move once you've finished it all. whistle:
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This is getting expensive. The roofers are back next week with scaffolding. And a friend has just asked if we are interested in buying her house in....................Granada.................. ::)
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Might I suggest a family weekend away, a blackened face and dark clothing for you when you pay a midnight visit carrying a gallon of four star and a box of matches. whistle:
PS make sure you pack your insurance documents.
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If this stuff goes on for much longer I am going to scream and rage!
I have a fondness for this one when things go tits up!
For the next 60 seconds, I will conduct a test of my emergency broadcast equipment. AAAAHHHHH!!! Had this been a real emergency, the scream you just heard would be followed by lots more just like it. This concludes My test of my emergency broadcast equipment
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Might I suggest a family weekend away, a blackened face and dark clothing for you when you pay a midnight visit carrying a gallon of four star and a box of matches. whistle:
PS make sure you pack your insurance documents.
Bearing in mind this is Nick we are talking about are the blackened face and clothing before or after he tries to set light to the table point:
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My replacement car arrived yesterday on the back of a truck. As he was putting my car onto the truck to take it to the garage he drove it into our neighbour's wall!
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This is beginning to outdo the Book of Job. eeek:
(and sorry but... ;D)
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Why does Mrs Nick constantly have to indulge in retail therapy? Is it something you've done? eveilgrin:
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She is nuts.
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So what is happening with the other tables? And why does The Boy need two new beds?
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Where to start!
He has 2 beds now. One for him and one for friendson sleepovers. Mrs N decided to get 2 new beds for him and move the existing beds to a house we own locally which we let to the vets.
However, after we bought the new beds we found that the new vets are bringing their own beds with them, so The Boy now has FOUR beds. And they didn't arrive yesterday as the delivery men came while I was taking him to school and left before I got back.
And no, I have no idea what we are going to do with the new beds. Leave them in their boxes or flog them on eBay perhaps. cry:
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My replacement car arrived yesterday on the back of a truck. As he was putting my car onto the truck to take it to the garage he drove it into our neighbour's wall!
eeek:
It just never ends does it? What about desserts?
I recommend Nick to be adopted as a National Institution and inserted into a glass cabinet (with no buttons) and used to threaten small children that misbehave.
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Banghead Banghead
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I recommend Nick to be adopted as a National Institution and inserted into a glass cabinet (with no buttons) and used to threaten small children that misbehave.
Are you saying that Nick should be institurionalised? drumroll:
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I already am> I live here!