AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGH

[Darwins Selection]

We have a dining room and a kitchen.

You will be trying to tell us you have running water, electricity and an indoor toilet next.

Some of us have been north of the Watford Gap you know, we are not all gullible like Wench.

[Nick]

And I spent all of yesterday locked in a hot room with a lunatic. It was a "meeting". The woman needs shooting.

[Grumpmeister]

And I spent all of yesterday locked in a hot room with a lunatic. It was a "meeting". The woman needs shooting.

You know something tells me the woman was probably thinking the same thing 

[Nick]

QUite possibly so, especially since the formal grievance procedure has now kicked in. Quite rare to use ACAS procedures for a contractor rather than an employee, I imagine

[Bar Wench]

We have a dining room and a kitchen.

You will be trying to tell us you have running water, electricity and an indoor toilet next.

Some of us have been north of the Watford Gap you know, we are not all gullible like Wench.

No need to  as far as I am concerned anything North of the M25 is Northern. I am having problems with a freind's new BF who claims that Norwich isn't North. 

So the dining table was purchased because it was a bargin? Where are you putting it? Do you want to get rid of one?

[Nick]

1. Norwich is East
2. we are putting it IN THE DINING ROOM with the  other two DINING TABLES so that we can seat 16 people in comfort obviously. (Once I have spent a week setting the whole sodding thing up)
3. I want to get rid of TWO redundant dining tables, but this is not allowed.

[Grumpmeister]

That's easy Nick. Few minutes with a drill while Mrs Nick is out and all of a sudden you have to get rid of one of the tables because it has 'woodworm' 

[Nick]

I like that idea. One is an heirloom, but the other two are shite.

Hmmmmm.

Maybe I could forego the drill and just buy some real woodworm.

[Grumpmeister]

Before you consdier the real woodworm, how old is your home? Bear in mind that you are a magnet for calamities. You could end up with the lot coming down around your ears 

[Bar Wench]

So, how big is your dining room?

[Barman]

So, how big is your dining room?

Before or after woodworm? 

[Nick]

Absolute chaos. Stress. Screaming. Mess. Noice. Thumping. Effing roofers. Delivery Men. Hoovers. Mrs Nick in a flap since 8 this morning.

Will EVERYONE JUST GO AWAY

 

Its just a normal day in the Nick household *sudden feeling of impending doom" 

I am calm and normal. It is the other inhabitants of this pile who are barking. And that includes the CAT!

[Nick]

Before you consdier the real woodworm, how old is your home? Bear in mind that you are a magnet for calamities. You could end up with the lot coming down around your ears 

1720 and mostly, er, wood. But I could tame the woodworm (think Flea Circuses)

[Nick]

So, how big is your dining room?

Are you asking me to measure it. Christ. It contains:

One Piano
Two alcoves full of books all in Spanish
A dead TV
A dead Video player
Two six seater dining tables (including the new one in the eleven boxes)
A Sofa
A record player (older members will explain)
A CD player
Speakers
Other tat
More tat
TWO complete sets of cutlery (one heirloom and one I was tricked into buying recently cos the box was nice and it was a BARGAIN)

Oh, and still room for dancing. Ask Growler. Not that we have danced of course. Much

Hmmm. Saucepans: check
Cutlery: check
Dining tables and chairs: check

Restaurant?

Trouble is, I am the only bastard who COOKS in this house.

[Grumpmeister]

I am calm and normal

Ok now I'm terrified