Disgusterous

Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 379572 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Barman

  • Administrator
  • Needs to get out more...
  • *****
  • Posts: 128931
  • Reputation: -49
  • Since 1960...
    • Virtual Pub!
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #900 on: July 26, 2011, 11:02:11 AM »
What do Amy Winelodge & Alex Ferguson have in common ?

Neither of 'em will be playing Giggs this autumn
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Miss Demeanour

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 34876
  • Reputation: 2
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #901 on: July 26, 2011, 05:24:12 PM »
Fuck me - this  surprise murder- mystery weekend that I'm on in Norway is well over the feckin top !!!!!!
Skubber

Offline apc2010

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 51601
  • Reputation: -2
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #902 on: July 30, 2011, 01:24:20 PM »
"Hi Mum, I'm back."

"And where do you think you've been all afternoon?"

"Playing down by the railway line with my half-sister."

"She's not your half......."


(sorry TMR ).......

Offline apc2010

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 51601
  • Reputation: -2
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #903 on: August 07, 2011, 06:33:12 PM »
When I saw all the niggers rioting on Tottenham high street I knew I had to find somewhere safe to hide where they wouldn't go.

I'm in the job centre..........

Offline Nick

  • Needs to get out more...
  • ******
  • Posts: 97437
  • Reputation: -115
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #904 on: August 07, 2011, 06:46:17 PM »
That s quite tasteless.
























USE IT
Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

Offline apc2010

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 51601
  • Reputation: -2
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #905 on: August 08, 2011, 10:27:28 PM »
I bet the kaiser chiefs are feeling pretty smug now........

Offline Just One More

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 22852
  • Reputation: 0
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #906 on: August 08, 2011, 10:34:16 PM »
 ;D  ;D  ;D
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Miss Demeanour

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 34876
  • Reputation: 2
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #907 on: August 08, 2011, 10:40:32 PM »
At the gym tonight one of the regular guys came in with new trainers on . He got such a ribbing from the other fellas about being a hoodie hoodlum that he ended up going back into the changing room and bringing out a receipt.

He then got the piss taken out of him for how much he had paid for this vile pair of trainers  lol:
Skubber

Offline Baldy

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 14085
  • Reputation: 0
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #908 on: August 09, 2011, 06:11:12 AM »
London police have released CCTV footage of the youths involved in the riots in Tottenham last night.

Anyone who recognises any of the teeth should call Crimestoppers immediately.

Offline Miss Demeanour

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 34876
  • Reputation: 2
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #909 on: August 11, 2011, 05:55:40 PM »
London Olympics 2012

London (Stratford) will be hosting the Olympic Games in 2012.

You may not know is that many of the famous events, which go to make up this spectacular event, are to be especially altered for 2012. A copy of these changes has been leaked, and is reproduced below:

OPENING CEREMONY
The flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of the area in the traditional dress of balaclava and shell suit. The flame will be contained in a large overturned police van situated on the roof of the stadium.

THE EVENTS
In previous Olympic Games, East London's competitors have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes.

100 METRES SPRINT
Competitors will have to hold a DVD player and microwave oven (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.

110 METRES HURDLES
As above but with added obstacles (i.e. car bonnets, hedges, garden fences, walls etc)

HAMMER
Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most physical damage within three attempts.

FENCING
Entrants will be asked to dispose of as many stolen goods as possible in 5 minutes.

SHOOTING
A strong challenge is expected from local men in this event. The first target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or Securicor-style wages deliveryman. The traditional .22 rifle has been replaced in this event by a choice of either a Browning automatic handgun or sawn-off 12-bore shotgun.

BOXING
Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of lager while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence.

CYCLING TIME TRIALS
Competitors will be asked to break into the University bike shed and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy on his first trip away from home. All against the clock.

CYCLING PURSUIT
As above, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft.

MODERN PENTATHLON
Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joyriding and arson.

SWIMMING EVENTS
All waterways are currently being tested for toxicity levels, once one is found that can support human life, swimming events will be organised, please note that the Synchronised Swimming event for this year will comprise of dropping acid and watching all the funky ripples on the pool, the specific musical support to this event will be provided by "The Verve."

THE MARATHON
A safe route has yet to be decided.

MEN'S 50KM WALK
Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of East London, especially anyone that appears to be... mincing

THE CLOSING CEREMONY
Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the Stratford Health in the Community anti-drug campaigners, synchronised rock throwing, and music by the Ilford community choir. The flame will be extinguished by police riot water cannon following the inevitable pitch invasion by confused West Ham organised hooliganism club. The stadium itself will then be boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating boiler
Skubber

Offline Miss Demeanour

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 34876
  • Reputation: 2
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #910 on: August 11, 2011, 09:15:41 PM »
I was watching the news with my wife last night. "It looks like the Kaiser Chiefs were right." I said.

"Yeah, very funny," she replied. "I Predict A Riot."

I said, "No... Everyday I Love You Less And Less."
Skubber

Offline apc2010

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 51601
  • Reputation: -2
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #911 on: August 11, 2011, 09:17:27 PM »
I was watching the news with my wife last night. "It looks like the Kaiser Chiefs were right." I said.

"Yeah, very funny," she replied. "I Predict A Riot."

I said, "No... Everyday I Love You Less And Less."


 ;D ;D ;D

Offline Miss Demeanour

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 34876
  • Reputation: 2
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #912 on: August 11, 2011, 09:23:31 PM »
Ironically, in exactly a year's time in London there will be hundreds of youth's running about trying to take either gold, silver or bronze and it will all be started with the single shot of a pistol.      
Skubber

Offline Miss Demeanour

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 34876
  • Reputation: 2
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #913 on: August 11, 2011, 09:27:12 PM »
Following the recent riots across the cities in England… the French have surrendered.
Skubber

Offline Miss Demeanour

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 34876
  • Reputation: 2
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #914 on: August 11, 2011, 09:29:19 PM »
One for Growler ...


I said to my mate “We’re in the middle of a huge recession, we’ve got Noel Edmonds on TV and we’ve got rioting on the streets of London. It’s like being back in the 80′s”

He said “Yeah, what’s next, Liverpool win the league?”

Oh how we both laughed.
Skubber