Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 379590 times)

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Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #255 on: December 21, 2010, 08:04:54 AM »
 lol: lol: lol:

Online Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #256 on: December 21, 2010, 10:49:45 AM »
It is rumoured that Yoko Ono will be appearing in the next "I'm a celebrity get me out of here". She should have a goood chance of winning it, she's been living off a dead beatle for the last 30 years  redface:

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Tipsy Gipsy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #257 on: December 21, 2010, 08:56:26 PM »
BAD Parrot
 
A  young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse  vocabulary.

Everything that came out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to
change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could
think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
 
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.  The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.


For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
 
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
 
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

 

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
 
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
 
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird asked, very softly, 

 

 

 

"May I ask what the turkey did?"
It's better than I ever even knew.  They say that the world was built for two.  Only worth living if somebody is loving you.  Baby now you do.

Offline Pirate

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #258 on: December 21, 2010, 09:01:18 PM »
or what it didn't...

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #259 on: December 21, 2010, 09:04:37 PM »
BAD Parrot
 
A  young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse  vocabulary.

Everything that came out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to
change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could
think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
 
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.  The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.


For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
 
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
 
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

 

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
 
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
 
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird asked, very softly, 

 

 

 

"May I ask what the turkey did?"

 lol: lol: lol:

(C) Dave Allen, 1973...  whistle:
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Offline Tipsy Gipsy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #260 on: December 21, 2010, 09:31:43 PM »
And your point is? ........................ evil:     
It's better than I ever even knew.  They say that the world was built for two.  Only worth living if somebody is loving you.  Baby now you do.

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #261 on: December 21, 2010, 09:53:40 PM »
And your point is? ........................ evil:     

You have an old box? Shrugs:
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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #262 on: December 21, 2010, 11:35:36 PM »
And your point is? ........................ evil:     

You have an old box? Shrugs:
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I mostly despair

Offline Tipsy Gipsy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #263 on: December 22, 2010, 05:16:59 AM »
And your point is? ........................ evil:     

You have an old box? Shrugs:


 happy001

.... but it was 'Fresh from the Inbox'.  smile:
It's better than I ever even knew.  They say that the world was built for two.  Only worth living if somebody is loving you.  Baby now you do.

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #264 on: December 22, 2010, 07:10:14 AM »
And your point is? ........................ evil:     

You have an old box? Shrugs:


 happy001

.... but it was 'Fresh from the Inbox'.  smile:

You should clean it out more often then...  whistle:
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #265 on: December 22, 2010, 07:35:29 AM »
Or get someone in  redface:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #266 on: December 22, 2010, 08:44:59 AM »
Or get someone in  redface:

Get a man in like?  rubschin:
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Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #267 on: December 22, 2010, 08:58:52 AM »
The missus suggested we use some toys in the bedroom to spice things up a bit.

She was not too impressed, the ungrateful bitch......2 hours that scalextric took me to set up!

Offline Snoopy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #268 on: December 22, 2010, 09:21:31 AM »
Prolly too used to your 00 Gauge to be impressed by anything else.  whistle:
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #269 on: December 22, 2010, 11:36:52 AM »
Prolly too used to your 00 Gauge to be impressed by anything else.  whistle:

"N" gauge I heard  whistle:
I mostly despair