Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 732460 times)

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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #45 on: September 12, 2010, 08:57:26 AM »
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'


That was fresh in your inbox was it...?  noooo:
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Offline The Moan Ranger

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #46 on: September 12, 2010, 09:02:01 AM »
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'


That was fresh in your inbox was it...?  noooo:

 redface:

Online Miss Demeanour

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #47 on: September 12, 2010, 09:10:39 AM »
Carrying on in the same vein ..... redface:

One morning while making breakfast, a man walks up to his wife and pinches her on her butt and says, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your brother.
Skubber

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #48 on: September 12, 2010, 09:14:55 AM »
Carrying on in the same vein ..... redface:

One morning while making breakfast, a man walks up to his wife and pinches her on her butt and says, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your brother.

 drumroll:
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Offline Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #49 on: September 12, 2010, 09:17:35 AM »
Evidently Miss D has bugged the BM household.
Warning: May contain Skub
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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #50 on: September 12, 2010, 05:04:43 PM »
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'


That was fresh in your inbox was it...?  noooo:

I think I first saw that one on a telex.
I mostly despair

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #51 on: September 12, 2010, 05:53:37 PM »
Telex  cloud9: Dad use to work for Western Union on the 60's and we sometimes use to go in to see him after shopping with mum. I use to be fascinated by the "magic typewriter" that typed by itself  redface:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Pirate

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #52 on: September 12, 2010, 08:56:15 PM »
Yeah...my old man used to tell me that the pre-payment gas meter was my moneybox... noooo: sad32:

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #53 on: September 12, 2010, 10:12:39 PM »
Yeah...my old man used to tell me that the pre-payment gas meter was my moneybox... noooo: sad32:
  lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #54 on: September 13, 2010, 04:51:33 AM »
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'


That was fresh in your inbox was it...?  noooo:

I think I first saw that one on a telex.

The first time I saw it was like this...

Quote
  .---  .-  -.-  .  +  .--  .-  ...  +  -..  -.--  ..  -.  --.  +  ....  ..  ...  +  .--  ..  ..-.  .  +  ...  .-  -  +  .-  -  +  -  ....  .  +  -...  .  -..  ...  ..  -..  .  +  ....  .  +  .-..  ---  ---  -.-  .  -..  +  ..-  .--.  +  .-  -.  -..  +  ...  .-  ..  -..  +  .--  .  .-  -.-  .-..  -.--  +  ..  +  ....  .-  ...-  .  +  ...  ---  --  .  -  ....  ..  -.  --.  +  ..  +  --  ..-  ...  -  +  -.-.  ---  -.  ..-.  .  ...  ...  +  -  ....  .  .-.  .  ...  +  -.  ---  +  -.  .  .  -..  +  -  ---  +  ....  ..  ...  +  .--  ..  ..-.  .  +  .-.  .  .--.  .-..  ..  .  -..  +  -.  ---  +  ....  .  +  ..  -.  ...  ..  ...  -  .  -..  +  ..  +  .--  .-  -.  -  +  -  ---  +  -..  ..  .  +  ..  -.  +  .--.  .  .-  -.-.  .  +  ..  +  ...  .-..  .  .--.  -  +  .--  ..  -  ....  +  -.--  ---  ..-  .-.  +  ...  ..  ...  -  .  .-.  +  -.--  ---  ..-  .-.  +  -...  .  ...  -  +  ..-.  .-.  ..  .  -.  -..  +  ....  .  .-.  +  -...  .  ...  -  +  ..-.  .-.  ..  .  -.  -..  +  .-  -.  -..  +  -.--  ---  ..-  .-.  +  --  ---  -  ....  .  .-.  +  ..  +  -.-  -.  ---  .--  +  ...  ....  .  +  .-.  .  .--.  .-..  ..  .  -..  +  -.  ---  .--  +  .---  ..-  ...  -  +  .-.  .  ...  -  +  .-  -.  -..  +  .-..  .  -  +  -  ....  .  +  .--.  ---  ..  ...  ---  -.  +  .--  ---  .-.  -.-

Quite frankly, you'd have thought Harold Bride and Jack Phillips would have had better things to do....  noooo:
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Online Miss Demeanour

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #55 on: September 13, 2010, 02:12:42 PM »
There was a wealthy man who was too mean to share his wealth with anyone.

One day he became very ill and on his death bed he called his wife and made her promise that she would bury all his money with him.  So tearfully she agreed.  Not long after he passed away and at his funeral his widow went up to his coffin and placed a bag inside.  Her best friend - with whom she had disclosed what her husband had asked - whispered in her ear "You didn't do what that old fool wanted did you?"
"Of course  I did. I have to respect my late husband's wishes" responded the widow  then she looked at her best frind with a sly grin and said "I wrote a cheque".
Skubber

Offline Snoopy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #56 on: September 13, 2010, 02:16:03 PM »
That one doesn't smell very fresh either. So old it has ivy growing round it.  noooo:

To quote El Dippy ~ Up your game young lady.
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Online Miss Demeanour

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #57 on: September 13, 2010, 02:28:34 PM »
Err no ...I thought we were in retro mode  rubschin:
Skubber

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #58 on: September 13, 2010, 02:50:51 PM »
Err no ...I thought we were in retro mode  rubschin:

 noooo:
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Online Miss Demeanour

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #59 on: September 13, 2010, 02:57:44 PM »
Oh well, I have now pronounced it officially to be so  whistle:
Skubber