Fresh from the Inbox

[Steve]

My wife's going to the Caribbean

Jamaica?

No, the Home Office did

 

[Darwins Selection]

My wife's going to the Caribbean

Jamaica?

No, the Home Office did

 

[Nick]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p064wmcx   

[Barman]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p064wmcx   

 

[Nick]

Morning

Goodnight

[Steve]

"I need some advice.

Should I pack in this flashing, or should I stick it out for another year?"

[Barman]

"I need some advice.

Should I pack in this flashing, or should I stick it out for another year?"

 

[Steve]

from same source:


Bloody hell it’s hot !!!!

I’ve just stripped naked and opened all the windows.

The taxi driver doesn’t seem too pleased though.

[Barman]

from same source:


Bloody hell it’s hot !!!!

I’ve just stripped naked and opened all the windows.

The taxi driver doesn’t seem too pleased though.

 

[Steve]

Archaeologists have found a new mummy covered in chocolate and nuts in a tomb in Egypt.

They think it's Pharaoh Rocher

[Barman]

Archaeologists have found a new mummy covered in chocolate and nuts in a tomb in Egypt.

They think it's Pharaoh Rocher

 

[Steve]

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"
The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!"
The judge stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom. "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt.
Is that understood?"
Paddy stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to that arsehole and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one.

[Barman]

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"
The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!"
The judge stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom. "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt.
Is that understood?"
Paddy stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to that arsehole and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one.

[Darwins Selection]

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"
The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!"
The judge stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom. "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt.
Is that understood?"
Paddy stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to that arsehole and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one.

[Nick]