Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 318305 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline Barman

  • Administrator
  • Needs to get out more...
  • *****
  • Posts: 123825
  • Reputation: -41
  • Since 1960...
    • Virtual Pub!
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #45 on: September 12, 2010, 08:57:26 AM »
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'


That was fresh in your inbox was it...?  noooo:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline The Moan Ranger (Orderer of the Youngs)

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 12004
  • Reputation: 0
  • No surrender
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #46 on: September 12, 2010, 09:02:01 AM »
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'


That was fresh in your inbox was it...?  noooo:

 redface:

Offline Miss Demeanour

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 34309
  • Reputation: 1
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #47 on: September 12, 2010, 09:10:39 AM »
Carrying on in the same vein ..... redface:

One morning while making breakfast, a man walks up to his wife and pinches her on her butt and says, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your brother.
Skubber

Offline Barman

  • Administrator
  • Needs to get out more...
  • *****
  • Posts: 123825
  • Reputation: -41
  • Since 1960...
    • Virtual Pub!
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #48 on: September 12, 2010, 09:14:55 AM »
Carrying on in the same vein ..... redface:

One morning while making breakfast, a man walks up to his wife and pinches her on her butt and says, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your brother.

 drumroll:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Online Nick

  • Needs to get out more...
  • ******
  • Posts: 94351
  • Reputation: -105
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #49 on: September 12, 2010, 09:17:35 AM »
Evidently Miss D has bugged the BM household.
Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

Offline Darwins Selection

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 35348
  • Reputation: 5
  • I mostly despair
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #50 on: September 12, 2010, 05:04:43 PM »
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'


That was fresh in your inbox was it...?  noooo:

I think I first saw that one on a telex.
I mostly despair

Offline Just One More

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 22421
  • Reputation: 0
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #51 on: September 12, 2010, 05:53:37 PM »
Telex  cloud9: Dad use to work for Western Union on the 60's and we sometimes use to go in to see him after shopping with mum. I use to be fascinated by the "magic typewriter" that typed by itself  redface:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Pirate

  • Senior Moment
  • ****
  • Posts: 9198
  • Reputation: -2
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #52 on: September 12, 2010, 08:56:15 PM »
Yeah...my old man used to tell me that the pre-payment gas meter was my moneybox... noooo: sad32:

Offline Darwins Selection

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 35348
  • Reputation: 5
  • I mostly despair
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #53 on: September 12, 2010, 10:12:39 PM »
Yeah...my old man used to tell me that the pre-payment gas meter was my moneybox... noooo: sad32:
  lol: lol: lol:
I mostly despair

Offline Barman

  • Administrator
  • Needs to get out more...
  • *****
  • Posts: 123825
  • Reputation: -41
  • Since 1960...
    • Virtual Pub!
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #54 on: September 13, 2010, 04:51:33 AM »
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'


That was fresh in your inbox was it...?  noooo:

I think I first saw that one on a telex.

The first time I saw it was like this...

Quote
  .---  .-  -.-  .  +  .--  .-  ...  +  -..  -.--  ..  -.  --.  +  ....  ..  ...  +  .--  ..  ..-.  .  +  ...  .-  -  +  .-  -  +  -  ....  .  +  -...  .  -..  ...  ..  -..  .  +  ....  .  +  .-..  ---  ---  -.-  .  -..  +  ..-  .--.  +  .-  -.  -..  +  ...  .-  ..  -..  +  .--  .  .-  -.-  .-..  -.--  +  ..  +  ....  .-  ...-  .  +  ...  ---  --  .  -  ....  ..  -.  --.  +  ..  +  --  ..-  ...  -  +  -.-.  ---  -.  ..-.  .  ...  ...  +  -  ....  .  .-.  .  ...  +  -.  ---  +  -.  .  .  -..  +  -  ---  +  ....  ..  ...  +  .--  ..  ..-.  .  +  .-.  .  .--.  .-..  ..  .  -..  +  -.  ---  +  ....  .  +  ..  -.  ...  ..  ...  -  .  -..  +  ..  +  .--  .-  -.  -  +  -  ---  +  -..  ..  .  +  ..  -.  +  .--.  .  .-  -.-.  .  +  ..  +  ...  .-..  .  .--.  -  +  .--  ..  -  ....  +  -.--  ---  ..-  .-.  +  ...  ..  ...  -  .  .-.  +  -.--  ---  ..-  .-.  +  -...  .  ...  -  +  ..-.  .-.  ..  .  -.  -..  +  ....  .  .-.  +  -...  .  ...  -  +  ..-.  .-.  ..  .  -.  -..  +  .-  -.  -..  +  -.--  ---  ..-  .-.  +  --  ---  -  ....  .  .-.  +  ..  +  -.-  -.  ---  .--  +  ...  ....  .  +  .-.  .  .--.  .-..  ..  .  -..  +  -.  ---  .--  +  .---  ..-  ...  -  +  .-.  .  ...  -  +  .-  -.  -..  +  .-..  .  -  +  -  ....  .  +  .--.  ---  ..  ...  ---  -.  +  .--  ---  .-.  -.-

Quite frankly, you'd have thought Harold Bride and Jack Phillips would have had better things to do....  noooo:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Miss Demeanour

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 34309
  • Reputation: 1
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #55 on: September 13, 2010, 02:12:42 PM »
There was a wealthy man who was too mean to share his wealth with anyone.

One day he became very ill and on his death bed he called his wife and made her promise that she would bury all his money with him.  So tearfully she agreed.  Not long after he passed away and at his funeral his widow went up to his coffin and placed a bag inside.  Her best friend - with whom she had disclosed what her husband had asked - whispered in her ear "You didn't do what that old fool wanted did you?"
"Of course  I did. I have to respect my late husband's wishes" responded the widow  then she looked at her best frind with a sly grin and said "I wrote a cheque".
Skubber

Offline Snoopy

  • Administrator
  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 54191
  • Reputation: 0
  • In the Prime of Senility
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #56 on: September 13, 2010, 02:16:03 PM »
That one doesn't smell very fresh either. So old it has ivy growing round it.  noooo:

To quote El Dippy ~ Up your game young lady.
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Miss Demeanour

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 34309
  • Reputation: 1
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #57 on: September 13, 2010, 02:28:34 PM »
Err no ...I thought we were in retro mode  rubschin:
Skubber

Offline Barman

  • Administrator
  • Needs to get out more...
  • *****
  • Posts: 123825
  • Reputation: -41
  • Since 1960...
    • Virtual Pub!
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #58 on: September 13, 2010, 02:50:51 PM »
Err no ...I thought we were in retro mode  rubschin:

 noooo:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Miss Demeanour

  • Power Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 34309
  • Reputation: 1
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #59 on: September 13, 2010, 02:57:44 PM »
Oh well, I have now pronounced it officially to be so  whistle:
Skubber