Working with Mongs...

[Barman]

Dear Friend,

This mail may be a surprise to you because you did not give me the
permission to do so and neither do you know me but before I tell you
about myself I want you to please forgive me for sending this mail
without your permission. I am writing this letter in confidence
believing that if it is the will of God for you to help me and my
family, God almighty will bless and reward you abundantly. I need an
honest and trust worthy person like you to entrust this huge transfer
project unto.

My name is Mr.john Christopher, The Branch Manager of a Financial
Institution. I got your contact through a reliable source called
database through Ghana chambers of commerce. I am a Ghanaian married
with 3 kids. I am writing to solicit your assistance in the transfer
of US$7,500,000.00 Dollars. This fund is the excess of what my branch
in which I am the manager made as profit last year (i.e. 2014
financial year). I have already submitted an annual report for that
year to my head office in Accra-Ghana as I have watched with keen
interest as they will never know of this excess. I have since, placed
this amount of US$7,500,000.00 Dollars on an Escrow Coded account
without a beneficiary (Anonymous) to avoid trace.

As an officer of the bank, I cannot be directly connected to this
money thus I am impelled to request for your assistance to receive
this money into your bank account on my behalf. I agree that 45% of
this money will be for you as a foreign partner, in respect to the
provision of a foreign account, and 55% would be for me. I do need to
stress that there are practically no risk involved in this. It's going
to be a bank-to-bank transfer. All I need from you is to stand as the
original depositor of this fund so that the fund can be transferred to
your account.

If you accept this offer, I will appreciate your timely response to
me. This is why and only reason why I contacted you, I am willing to
go into partnership investment with you owing to your wealth of
experience, So please if you are interested to assist on this venture
kindly contact me back for a brief discussion on how to proceed.

Your Telephone number ..................
Your Occupation .........................
Your Nationality ........................
Your Age ....................................

Best regards,

Mr.John Christopher

FFS at least update the thing before sending...

[Steve]

Dear Friend,

This mail may be a surprise to you because you did not give me the
permission to do so and neither do you know me but before I tell you
about myself I want you to please forgive me for sending this mail
without your permission. I am writing this letter in confidence
believing that if it is the will of God for you to help me and my
family, God almighty will bless and reward you abundantly. I need an
honest and trust worthy person like you to entrust this huge transfer
project unto.

My name is Mr.john Christopher, The Branch Manager of a Financial
Institution. I got your contact through a reliable source called
database through Ghana chambers of commerce. I am a Ghanaian married
with 3 kids. I am writing to solicit your assistance in the transfer
of US$7,500,000.00 Dollars. This fund is the excess of what my branch
in which I am the manager made as profit last year (i.e. 2014
financial year). I have already submitted an annual report for that
year to my head office in Accra-Ghana as I have watched with keen
interest as they will never know of this excess. I have since, placed
this amount of US$7,500,000.00 Dollars on an Escrow Coded account
without a beneficiary (Anonymous) to avoid trace.

As an officer of the bank, I cannot be directly connected to this
money thus I am impelled to request for your assistance to receive
this money into your bank account on my behalf. I agree that 45% of
this money will be for you as a foreign partner, in respect to the
provision of a foreign account, and 55% would be for me. I do need to
stress that there are practically no risk involved in this. It's going
to be a bank-to-bank transfer. All I need from you is to stand as the
original depositor of this fund so that the fund can be transferred to
your account.

If you accept this offer, I will appreciate your timely response to
me. This is why and only reason why I contacted you, I am willing to
go into partnership investment with you owing to your wealth of
experience, So please if you are interested to assist on this venture
kindly contact me back for a brief discussion on how to proceed.

Your Telephone number ..................
Your Occupation .........................
Your Nationality ........................
Your Age ....................................

Best regards,

Mr.John Christopher

FFS at least update the thing before sending...

So so tempting to create a fake ID and wind them up.

[Nick]

Solve the problem

A man in London (let us call him Sir Frank McLoughlin) is concerned that Cohort 5 of his fvcking programme with Oxford is 4 short of target. What am I doing about it?!

Cohorts 3 and 4 have a waiting list.

What would you tell his Lordship to do?

[Barman]

Solve the problem

A man in London (let us call him Sir Frank McLoughlin) is concerned that Cohort 5 of his fvcking programme with Oxford is 4 short of target. What am I doing about it?!

Cohorts 3 and 4 have a waiting list.

What would you tell his Lordship to do?

 

[Nick]

Kerrrrrrrrrrrr-ching

That saved him £3000 

[Steve]

Solve the problem

A man in London (let us call him Sir Frank McLoughlin) is concerned that Cohort 5 of his fvcking programme with Oxford is 4 short of target. What am I doing about it?!

Cohorts 3 and 4 have a waiting list.

What would you tell his Lordship to do?

Get back to the Angel Islington?

[Grumpmeister]

Solve the problem

A man in London (let us call him Sir Frank McLoughlin) is concerned that Cohort 5 of his fvcking programme with Oxford is 4 short of target. What am I doing about it?!

Cohorts 3 and 4 have a waiting list.

What would you tell his Lordship to do?

The answer depends on whether or not you want any more contracts from him... 

[Darwins Selection]

Solve the problem

A man in London (let us call him Sir Frank McLoughlin) is concerned that Cohort 5 of his fvcking programme with Oxford is 4 short of target. What am I doing about it?!

Cohorts 3 and 4 have a waiting list.

What would you tell his Lordship to do?

The answer depends on whether or not you want any more contracts from him... 

Sage words. 

[Nick]

I am informed that some other lackey has now contacted the 8 people on the waiting list and filled the course. Who would have thought it?

[Nick]

http://www.indy100.com/article/amanda-holden-tim-peake-moon-landing-itv-this-morning-live-tv-mistake-funny-twitter-viral-8021531

 

[Steve]

http://www.indy100.com/article/amanda-holden-tim-peake-moon-landing-itv-this-morning-live-tv-mistake-funny-twitter-viral-8021531

 

But lets be honest, it's never been her brain that we've admired about her 

[Nick]

The local monthly rag has a long article about Nottingham's WW1 fighter ace, Albert Ball VC. He is described throughout as a jet fighter pilot 

[Steve]

The local monthly rag has a long article about Nottingham's WW1 fighter ace, Albert Ball VC. He is described throughout as a jet fighter pilot 

Ahead of his time then 

[Nick]

Just what I said in my e mail to the editor

[Nick]

Last week I wrote a narticle (for this week's Times Educational Supplement) which is to go in as though authored by Sir Frank McLoughlin.

He is claiming that it has too many "big words" in it.