Wot a Nightmare Journey!

[Barman]

I realise that it is school 'olidays at the moment as evidenced by all the mongs towing caravans and cars with bicycles on the rood rack...

But it took us four freaking hours to get from Epsom to Chippenham yesterday... wot about 95 miles? 

A mixture of freaking roadworks and SWOT... what a freaking farce!

And then, as if to add insult to injury it took 3¾ hours to get back again... mostly spent parked on the M4 because of some accident which there was no evidence of one they re-opened the motorway...

And I can state with full confidence that the millions (or billions?) that have been spent on those colour motorways signs on the M4 have been wasted because THEY ARE COMPLETELY FECKING USELESS! 

The country is billions in debt for what? They've clearly spent little of it repairing or upgrading the road network since I left... Oh apart from installing thirty miles of average speed checking cameras either side of 500m of roadworks of course - what a nice freaking little earner THAT must be...

In fact, I'm not going to the airshow today... I can't stand the thought of the farcical journey which will inevitably result... 

Utter, utter shite! 

And relax...

[Barman]

 

I thought it as sheer weight of traffic....

The overhead signs warned of the accident between junction 9 and 7 for miles beforehand... but the four before junction 10 (where I could have got off and taken Bracknell/M3) were blank/off leading me to believe (wrongly) that the incident had been cleared... Just after J10 I hit the back of the queue... 

And if you join the M3 (South) from the M25 you are immediately in a 50mph average speed camera zone even though you have not seen any roadworks...

[GROWLER]

I thought it as sheer weight of traffic....

The overhead signs warned of the accident between junction 9 and 7 for miles beforehand... but the four before junction 10 (where I could have got off and taken Bracknell/M3) were blank/off leading me to believe (wrongly) that the incident had been cleared... Just after J10 I hit the back of the queue... 

And if you join the M3 (South) from the M25 you are immediately in a 50mph average speed camera zone even though you have not seen any roadworks...

Coming back up north last Saturday night, I was slightly amazed at the few vehicles that were seemingly ignoring the SPECS camera system.
MUST have been running on cloned plates.

[Just One More]

Coming back up north last Saturday night, I was slightly amazed at the few vehicles that were seemingly ignoring the SPECS camera system.
MUST have been running on cloned plates.

Add 10% plus 2mph as a minimum Growler and you'll still be OK...ish

[Barman]

And WHY can't they co-ordinate roadworks so that you don't queue up for them for ages, just get clear and then hit another lot??? 

And WHY do they have to strengthen all the bridges all the freaking time? Presumably so Polish truck drivers can drive even bigger vehicles without sufficient mirrors and run innocent motorists off the road? 

LL's car has been in the repairers for weeks - the police say it happens all the time because they are LHD and don't have enough mirrors! 

[GROWLER]

Coming back up north last Saturday night, I was slightly amazed at the few vehicles that were seemingly ignoring the SPECS camera system.
MUST have been running on cloned plates.

Add 10% plus 2mph as a minimum Growler and you'll still be OK...ish

These were doing more than that though tbh, a lot more.

I generally use me sat nav to show the true speed. The speedo reads about 10% higher than the reading on sat nav, click on the 'cruise, and yer laffin...most of the time.

[GROWLER]

And WHY can't they co-ordinate roadworks so that you don't queue up for them for ages, just get clear and then hit another lot??? 

And WHY do they have to strengthen all the bridges all the freaking time? Presumably so Polish truck drivers can drive even bigger vehicles without sufficient mirrors and run innocent motorists off the road? 

LL's car has been in the repairers for weeks - the police say it happens all the time because they are LHD and don't have enough mirrors! 

DO NOT get me ranting about road werks yet again, as I've only just installed a new bladder.

First we had the United Uselesstilities, then the Gas, then the phone, then the water again and now the bloody cable merchants are digging up nearly every bass turd road in the area for the next god almighty knows how long. Absolute bloody chaos.
 Roads closed all over the show, diversions, traffic jams, temp. lights, I could friggin' scream!

As for the state of the roads....well that just has to be seen to be believed.
I kid you not, I HAVE driven on smoother Forestry Commision tracks.
Bloody absolute disgrace. They white circled dozens of craters 5 months ago, and they still haven't fixed them, despite 3 phone cals and promises of repair, utter utter utter bloody arse wipes.

[Just One More]

And WHY can't they co-ordinate roadworks so that you don't queue up for them for ages, just get clear and then hit another lot??? 
They do, the roads are falling to pieces, except for emergency works it's suppose to be a minimum 5km between closures, preferably 10km. Once they are out of the way we can move in and do the bits inbetween. Unless good funding comes in the next three years   expect major problems with many routes leading to increased chaos

And WHY do they have to strengthen all the bridges all the freaking time? Presumably so Polish truck drivers can drive even bigger vehicles without sufficient mirrors and run innocent motorists off the road? 
Correct

LL's car has been in the repairers for weeks - the police say it happens all the time because they are LHD and don't have enough mirrors! 

Anyway, it's the weekend, I'm not at work  

[Barman]

And WHY can't they co-ordinate roadworks so that you don't queue up for them for ages, just get clear and then hit another lot??? 

And WHY do they have to strengthen all the bridges all the freaking time? Presumably so Polish truck drivers can drive even bigger vehicles without sufficient mirrors and run innocent motorists off the road? 

LL's car has been in the repairers for weeks - the police say it happens all the time because they are LHD and don't have enough mirrors! 

DO NOT get me ranting about road werks yet again, as I've only just installed a new bladder.

First we had the United Uselesstilities, then the Gas, then the phone, then the water again and now the bloody cable merchants are digging up nearly every bass turd road in the area for the next god almighty knows how long. Absolute bloody chaos.
 Roads closed all over the show, diversions, traffic jams, temp. lights, I could friggin' scream!

As for the state of the roads....well that just has to be seen to be believed.
I kid you not, I HAVE driven on smoother Forestry Commision tracks.
Bloody absolute disgrace. They white circled dozens of craters 5 months ago, and they still haven't fixed them, despite 3 phone cals and promises of repair, utter utter utter bloody arse wipes.

It is all JOM's fault - I suggest you send him a PM.... 

[Just One More]

[It is all JOM's fault - I suggest you send him a PM.... 

I think Barman means go and look at Pathetic Motorways

[GROWLER]

And WHY can't they co-ordinate roadworks so that you don't queue up for them for ages, just get clear and then hit another lot??? 

And WHY do they have to strengthen all the bridges all the freaking time? Presumably so Polish truck drivers can drive even bigger vehicles without sufficient mirrors and run innocent motorists off the road? 

LL's car has been in the repairers for weeks - the police say it happens all the time because they are LHD and don't have enough mirrors! 

DO NOT get me ranting about road werks yet again, as I've only just installed a new bladder.

First we had the United Uselesstilities, then the Gas, then the phone, then the water again and now the bloody cable merchants are digging up nearly every bass turd road in the area for the next god almighty knows how long. Absolute bloody chaos.
 Roads closed all over the show, diversions, traffic jams, temp. lights, I could friggin' scream!

As for the state of the roads....well that just has to be seen to be believed.
I kid you not, I HAVE driven on smoother Forestry Commision tracks.
Bloody absolute disgrace. They white circled dozens of craters 5 months ago, and they still haven't fixed them, despite 3 phone cals and promises of repair, utter utter utter bloody arse wipes.

It is all JOM's fault - I suggest you send him a PM.... 

No, it's not his fault. He's just one tiny rusty tired and weary worn out toothless cog in a totally utterly goosed archaic machine.

[Miss Demeanour]

You sure know how to show a girl a good time.....poor LL.

8 hours stuck in a car with you and just to go and get car parts 

[Barman]

You sure know how to show a girl a good time.....poor LL.

8 hours stuck in a car with you and just to go and get car parts 

Your point being? 

[Miss Demeanour]

8 hours + BM + Car parts =

[Barman]

I remained calm throughout... the perfect in-car host....