I am in horsepickle. 
Both of you?
Messers Steve and Darwin, we thank you for your kind thoughts.
It is Miss C who has had a total hip replacement, not I but as she is bedridden at present I am replying on her behalf.
I have dutifully brought some grapes and equally as dutifully eaten them.
I am now contemplating keeling the lady in the opposite bed, who is a day ahead of Miss C and is continuously complaining about the pain she is in.
She is a relatively intelligent woman and I would have thought that she would realise that if someone numbs you from the bottom of your spine down to infinity and beyond, whereupon another bloke wielding knife cuts through one of the biggest muscle in yer body, proceeds to yank the biggest bone in yer body out of its socket, then having picked up a saw, he proceeds to hack off the top of said bone, before taking up a metal replacement of the bit he has just chopped off, only with a spike on it.
At this point he hammers the replacement quickly and efficiently down into the bone marrow next he thrusts the bone back into yer body twisting it about until it pops back into it's socket
Finally he instructs a blue gowned operating theater oik to staple you brand new 12 inch hole shut. When the numbness wears off it is going to bleddy hurt.
It is brutal surgery you daft owld bat, get a grip, stop sniveling and man up.
