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Author Topic: TMR's all new Bulletins from Scotland thread  (Read 12408 times)

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Offline Snoopy

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Re: Nick's all new Bulletins from Scotland thread
« Reply #30 on: May 11, 2009, 08:36:26 PM »
Whatever he is doing he is not sending in his reports in a timely fashion. ~ Sack 'im! evil:
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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Nick's all new Bulletins from Scotland thread
« Reply #31 on: May 12, 2009, 06:15:58 AM »
Quote
The M 8 has been reopened near Glasgow  after an early morning incident on the Kingston Bridge closed the motorway in both directions for over two hours.

The bridge was shut by police and emergency services about 0400 BST this morning

The complete shutdown which caused some early morning traffic delays lasted until about 0645 BST.

Traffic was diverted onto other routes for the duration of the closure which was not expected to affect rush hour


Oh dear ...was he wondering on the motorway in a drunken state again...ranting and raving about drivers  whistle:

Must have been a good night  8)

He was probably telling his best Scottish jokes such as :

Two Scots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's forthcoming wedding...
'Och, it's all going to  be grand", says Jock.  "I've everything organised already, the  flowers,
the church, the cards, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night".
Archie nods  approvingly.
"Havens, I've even bought a kilt to be  married in" continued Jock
"A kilt?" exclaims Archie,  "That's braw, you'll look pure deed smart in that!"
"And what's the tartan?" Archie then enquires.
"Och," says Jock, "I'd imagine she'll be in white...

 noooo:
 
« Last Edit: May 12, 2009, 06:24:38 AM by Miss Demeanor »
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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Nick's all new Bulletins from Scotland thread
« Reply #32 on: May 13, 2009, 03:37:06 PM »
Quote from: Miss Demeanor on May 12, 2009, 06:15:58 AM
Quote
The M 8 has been reopened near Glasgow  after an early morning incident on the Kingston Bridge closed the motorway in both directions for over two hours.

The bridge was shut by police and emergency services about 0400 BST this morning

The complete shutdown which caused some early morning traffic delays lasted until about 0645 BST.

Traffic was diverted onto other routes for the duration of the closure which was not expected to affect rush hour


Oh dear ...was he wondering on the motorway in a drunken state again...ranting and raving about drivers  whistle:

Must have been a good night  8)

He was probably telling his best Scottish jokes such as :

Two Scots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's forthcoming wedding...
'Och, it's all going to  be grand", says Jock.  "I've everything organised already, the  flowers,
the church, the cards, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night".
Archie nods  approvingly.
"Havens, I've even bought a kilt to be  married in" continued Jock
"A kilt?" exclaims Archie,  "That's braw, you'll look pure deed smart in that!"
"And what's the tartan?" Archie then enquires.
"Och," says Jock, "I'd imagine she'll be in white...

 noooo:
 

Proof positive that the old ones are not the best. noooo:
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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Nick's all new Bulletins from Scotland thread
« Reply #33 on: May 13, 2009, 04:10:15 PM »
Soooooooooooooooooo  we're waiting to hear all about it ???


 Popcorn:
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Offline Grumpmeister

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Re: Nick's all new Bulletins from Scotland thread
« Reply #34 on: May 13, 2009, 04:18:35 PM »
His client took him out for a drink and he's woken up with the Scottish flag tattooed on his arse.  whistle:
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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Nick's all new Bulletins from Scotland thread
« Reply #35 on: May 13, 2009, 04:19:53 PM »
Quote from: Grumpmeister on May 13, 2009, 04:18:35 PM
His client took him out for a drink and he's woken up with a Scottish fag tattooed on his arse.  whistle:


 eeek:
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Offline Grumpmeister

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Re: Nick's all new Bulletins from Scotland thread
« Reply #36 on: May 13, 2009, 04:21:26 PM »
Its simple Miss D, just think of the daftest most implausible thing that could occur and odds are Nick will be on here telling us it happened to him.  point:
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Offline Nick

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Re: Nick's all new Bulletins from Scotland thread
« Reply #37 on: May 13, 2009, 06:29:48 PM »
A report will follow. WHat kind of hotel supplies a putter, golf ball and artificial golf hole thingy IN YOUR BEDROOM!!??

Still, the free Talisker was welcome in my private sauna
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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Nick's all new Bulletins from Scotland thread
« Reply #38 on: May 13, 2009, 06:30:37 PM »
This is all on expenses is it  rubschin:
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Offline The Moan Ranger

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Re: Nick's all new Bulletins from Scotland thread
« Reply #39 on: May 13, 2009, 06:32:31 PM »
Quote from: Nick on May 13, 2009, 06:29:48 PM
A report will follow. WHat kind of hotel supplies a putter, golf ball and artificial golf hole thingy IN YOUR BEDROOM!!??

Still, the free Talisker was welcome in my private sauna

Did you sink your balls, then?  Popcorn:
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Offline Nick

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Re: Nick's all new Bulletins from Scotland thread
« Reply #40 on: May 13, 2009, 06:32:37 PM »
Quote


This is all on expenses is it 


Oh yes  cloud9:

http://www.hotelduvin.com/glasgow/  cloud9:
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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Nick's all new Bulletins from Scotland thread
« Reply #41 on: May 13, 2009, 06:48:14 PM »
Quote from: Nick on May 13, 2009, 06:29:48 PM
A report will follow. WHat kind of hotel supplies a putter, golf ball and artificial golf hole thingy IN YOUR BEDROOM!!??

Still, the free Talisker was welcome in my private sauna
cloud9:
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Offline Snoopy

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Re: Nick's all new Bulletins from Scotland thread
« Reply #42 on: May 13, 2009, 06:49:58 PM »
Quote from: Nick on May 13, 2009, 06:29:48 PM
A report will follow. WHat kind of hotel supplies a putter, golf ball and artificial golf hole thingy IN YOUR BEDROOM!!??

Still, the free Talisker was welcome in my private sauna

Nick ~ if they had supplied three naked blondes you would have wanted brunettes  noooo:
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Offline Nick

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Re: Nick's all new Bulletins from Scotland thread
« Reply #43 on: May 13, 2009, 06:50:26 PM »
Oddly enough.................  eveilgrin:
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Offline Nick

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Re: Nick's all new Bulletins from Scotland thread
« Reply #44 on: May 14, 2009, 08:26:43 AM »
Right.

1. Flight from Manchester OK, though a bit low as hairyplane had propellors. Pilot used Blackpool Tower as navigational aid.
2. Got sat next to wumman who looked like an East European lesbian. Plane was two thirds empty, so I said cheerily 'They seem to have squashed u stogether, but I will go and get a window seat in a minute.' SHe ignored me  eeek:
Got up and moved, saying cheerily 'You can have these 2 seats to yerself now.' SHe ignored me again  eeek:
3. Taxi queue at Glasgow airport. Large bunch of Rab C Nesbitt lookalikes in front of me. ONe turns ans bellows, 'Are ye gan toot cloob?' I peer at them quizically. He says it again, but louder. His friend interprets. 'He says, are ye going to 't cloob?'

Me: 'WHat club?' They get in a taxi and leave.

I get in a taxi and get told off for not being in the queue by a man in a flour, floou, yellow jacket. Taxi driver has argument with him.

Hotel fine, though I do not avail myself of the golf equipment in the room  rubschin:

Werk fine , like, although accents challenging. Occasionally resort to nods and smiles and encouraging hand gestures and pray that the tape might help me out later. (it hasn't  evil:)

Lunch is supplied. I enquire what it is. 'Scotch Pie' (= minced sheep) with baked beans!

Manage to leave country safely. Next stop Inverness

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