Andrew Lloyd Webber walks into Burger King and says "Gove me two whoppers". The server says "you are really good looking and your musicals are fvcking brilliant".
I've found out that if you run out of KY jelly and are really desperate, foreplay will work too.
Isn't it ironic to see a group of pro-lifers throwing eggs at an abortion clinic?
Isn't it ironic that disabled toilets are the only ones big enough to run round in?
Prince Philip and the Queen were dining at a top London restaurant. Philip orders - "two very rare steaks, good fellow". The waiter replies "Does his royal highness mean two bloody steaks?". Philip replies "Yes, good chap, two bloody steaks"
The Queen pipes up "and plenty of fvcking chips too"
