Walking is now a Health Hazard!

[Mozo]

Constantly being harangued to take excercise for my health benefit, in my old age, I walk!

Taking no chances, at a steady pace I stroll along my nearby seaside promenade thinking kindly of my fellow human beings, sniffing the Pacific sea breeze and looking forward to my morning caffeine latte eye opener. 

Not for long .  .  .   out of no where, within millimetres of my backside comes a blade runner.   Silent as a ghost, on rubber tyres, he scares me shitless.   Now  swaying slightly, on my other side comes a helmeted lycra clad cyclist, head down pedal pumping prick straight for me at grand prix speed.   He swerves violently, and I brandish my stick and curse.   He calls me by the obscene name for a lady's thing and pedals faster. 

Taking to the recreational grass for safety, I am whacked by whajamacallit .  .  .   those flying plastic discs, which is immediately grabbed by a very chunky stafford, who grins at me derisively as if to say "There there Gramps.  I bet you couldn't do that"

I go home with my tail between my legs and put my cafeteria on the stove .  .  .   well, bugger it.   The breeze was too cold anyway, and my coffee is bettter and $3 cheaper. 

Hey ho .  .  .   another day!       

[Darwins Selection]

. . . put my cafeteria on the stove .  .  .

Wow! That must be some size of stove.

Nice to see an old timer in here anyway, some of the other places are getting over-run with young ruffians at the moment.

Let me get you a glass of warm milk and Bushmills.

[Misunderstood]

 I agree.

I went out for a gentle walk yesterday as the sun was shining.

The first thing I notice is the fact that I can no longer look around me at the scenery because if I dare lift my gaze from the pavement for an instant I experience the soft squelch of a dog turd encircling my shoe.  The next thing I notice is the two teenage girls steaming by barefooted.   YUK!

As I stopped at the kerb I was rammed from behind with a pushchair driven by a mum on the cellphone and involuntarily  staggered out into the path of the bus I had stopped for.

"Silly old bugger" yells the driver as he screeches to a halt two inches from me and the mum staring into me vacantly "What?" is all I got out of her.

Over the crossing it tapers into a chicane to funnel all the kids onto the crossing which they go to extreme lengths to avoid and I come face to face with one of those four-in-a-line battleships of a pushchair with about forty wheels that is taking up the complete width of the pavement.  Will she back up? not a chance! I start to retreat back onto the road where I run again into the pushchair behind.

I step sideways into a "Splodge" sound! "Ah Bollocks" I say! the pushchair on the crossing is now reversing, the bus driver is papping his horn and being joined by the half-dozen cars, kids are starting to mill around in delight and yelling. and the battleship is still steaming slowly forward with a stream of others building up behind in the queue to get out of the chicane.

"Bollocks!" say I again as I turn in defeat and squelch homewards in despair,  as least I had a long day outdoors scraping the dung off my foot.  The walk lasted about two hundred yards.

Next time I'll take my scooter and terrorise them instead.

[Berek]

As I stopped at the kerb I was rammed from behind

 

[Grumpmeister]

It could have been worse Bouncer...

A wheelchair user has been taken for a high-speed ride along a US highway after his handlebars became tangled up in the front grille of a lorry.
The back of the 21-year-old man's wheelchair was scooped up as he passed in front of a lorry leaving a petrol station, Michigan state police said.

The truck driver drove off, completely unaware that he had a new passenger.

Passing motorists told police, who found the man unhurt - but still attached to the front of the truck.

He had been kept in his wheelchair by a seatbelt.

Police in the town of Paw Paw, Michigan, said the unidentified man told them "it was quite a ride", but complained only that he had spilled his soda.

The truck reached speeds of 50mph (80km/h) as it drove down the Red Arrow Highway.

After several miles the driver pulled over at the depot of a trucking company where police then told him about the man on his front end.

He refused to believe there was a man in a wheelchair stuck to the front of his truck until he saw it for himself, police said.

Actually, now I think about it that sounds like fun 

[Barman]

It could have been worse Bouncer...

A wheelchair user has been taken for a high-speed ride along a US highway after his handlebars became tangled up in the front grille of a lorry.
The back of the 21-year-old man's wheelchair was scooped up as he passed in front of a lorry leaving a petrol station, Michigan state police said.

The truck driver drove off, completely unaware that he had a new passenger.

Passing motorists told police, who found the man unhurt - but still attached to the front of the truck.

He had been kept in his wheelchair by a seatbelt.

Police in the town of Paw Paw, Michigan, said the unidentified man told them "it was quite a ride", but complained only that he had spilled his soda.

The truck reached speeds of 50mph (80km/h) as it drove down the Red Arrow Highway.

After several miles the driver pulled over at the depot of a trucking company where police then told him about the man on his front end.

He refused to believe there was a man in a wheelchair stuck to the front of his truck until he saw it for himself, police said.

Actually, now I think about it that sounds like fun 

I bet it wasn?t just his soda that was spilt! 

[Grumpmeister]

[Barman]

[Grumpmeister]

'I don't like it'   

[Snoopy]

It looks like the sort of thing Clarkson and Co would dream up ..... with the Hampster in the wheelchair!

[Barman]

I bet it charged his batteries up! 

[Grumpmeister]

I have to admit, I'd half expected someone to have made a comment along the lines of it being a Nickism by now.