The Plan for Next Christmas

[Snoopy]

Being unable (as well as unwilling) to traipse around shops, particularly at this time of the year, I tend to shop on line for most of my needs and requirements. With one thing and another it all got a bit "last minute" this year and I am daily sweating on the arrival of the sundry couriers, postal delveries etc that will bring the presents ordered. I ordered three Game Boy Games for the children as stocking fillers. Two have arrived via Royal Mail in separate jiffy bags but of the third there is no sign so I telehoned the company on 5th Dec and said ~ "where is it?" "Out of stock" came the reply "do you want to order something else?" I affirmed that I did indeed want to order something else and nominated another game which they had in stock. Their website shows that my replacement order was despatched on 5th December but still it has not arrived. I called them this morning ~ they confirm that it was sent first class mail but will not entertain a claim of non delivery until 21 days have elapsed. "But that's Boxing Day" I said ..... "Is it?" enquired the idiot on the phone "well don't call us then 'cos we'll be shut 'till after New Year .. Har Har!" 

So next year I will beat the system. I shall order two of everything and return that which turns out to duplicate anything that has already arrived. Foolproof!


The back-up option is to tell the children that Santa has died. 

[Nick]

The Boy is having his doubts about Santa at present, but continues to hedge his bets.

The other day he was checking Santa's method of entry. "Down the chimney" I assured him.

"Well, no offence, I mean, no offence to Santa, but he is quite fat!"

[Snoopy]

I've resorted to "Don't ask ~ he doesn't come to little boys who don't believe"

[Grumpmeister]

The back-up option is to tell the children that Santa has died. 

If you have a coal fire you could go one better than that, have the charred remaind of a santa hat and a couple of bones in clearly visible in the ashes on christas morning 

[Nick]

Evil bastard! Santa can be a very useful tool in the behaviour management department.

[Snoopy]

Evil bastard! Santa can be a very useful tool in the behaviour management department.

I refer the Honourable Members to the reply I gave earlier. 

[Darwins Selection]

I've resorted to "Don't ask ~ he doesn't come to little boys who don't believe"

The same as Michael Jackson.

[Snoopy]

Difference between Come to and Come on/in is narrow but important here.

[Bar Wench]

Evil bastard! Santa can be a very useful tool in the behaviour management department.

My parents told me that the red lights on the planes over head weren't actually planes they were Father Christmas helpers. 

[Darwins Selection]

Evil bastard! Santa can be a very useful tool in the behaviour management department.

My parents told me that the red lights on the planes over head weren't actually planes they were Father Christmas helpers. 

What, yesterday?

[Nick]

I bet she makes Mr Wench dress up in a Santa costume on Christmas Eve.

[Snoopy]

I bet she makes Mr Wench dress up in a Santa costume on Christmas Eve.

I see them more as a His n Hers couple:

[Nick]

That's them!

[Bar Wench]

I don't actually!!!!

One year my Brother and I were being little shits and my Mum phoned my Dad's office and told him. He got a colleague to phone up pretending to be Father Christmas. He knew exactly what I'd been doing, how bad I'd been all day etc. Frightened the life out of me!!! 

[Snoopy]