A bloke is not getting along so well with his wife, thinks maybe he'd
like to have a pet, goes to a pet shop. After looking around he spots
a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says out loud, "Christ, I wonder what happened to this
parrot."
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," he laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood
what I said and answered me."
"I understood every word," says the parrot. "I'm a highly intelligent,
thoroughly educated bird. "
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your
perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you
asked I'll tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden
bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my
feathers."
"Wow," he says, "you really can understand and answer, can't you?"
"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with
reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion,
sports, physics, philosophy ... and I am especially good at
ornithology. You ought to buy me. I am a great companion."
The guy looks at the price tag. "£100!" he says. "I can't afford
that."
"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing.
"Nobody wants me 'cos I don't have any feet. You can get me for £10,
just make an offer."
The bloke offers the £10 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by.
The parrot is sensational. He's funny, he's interesting, he's a great
mate, he understands everything, sympathises, gives good advice. The
man is delighted.
One he comes home from work and the parrot says, "psst," and motions
him over with one wing. Bloke goes up close to the cage.
"I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but
it's about your wife and the postman..."
"What?" says the guy. "What?"
"Well," the parrot says, "when the postman came to the door today your
wife greeted him in a sheer night-gown and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?"
"Then the mailman came into the house and lifted up the night-gown and
began petting her all over," reports the parrot.
"Oh no! Then what?"
"Then he lifted up the night-gown, got down on his knees and began
kissing her body, starting with her breasts and slowly going down and
down..." The parrot pauses for a long time.
"Then what happened? What happened?!" asks the frantic man.
"I don't know," says the parrot, "that's when I fell off my perch."
