Agony Corner

[Bikini Girl]

Now back to the liposuction problem. Or would binding help as a non invasive alternative?

Now it is interesting that you bring up binding, my dainty little size 3 feet  were fine whilst I was a skinny schoolgirl, however now that I have ...How do I put this delicately?... become a tad top heavy... I could use slightly larger feet. So, no, I don't think binding will work at this stage.  Next idea?

[grumpyoldsoldier]

Dinner ..my place?

[Bikini Girl]

Dinner ..my place?

  What is on offer?

[grumpyoldsoldier]

Dinner ..my place?

  What is on offer?

I can show you my tatoo's?

[Bikini Girl]

I can show you my tatoo's?

I am not that keen on eggs,. Do you not have a Menu?

[Bikini Girl]

   I see your tattoo and raise mine...


  Yours or mine?

[Nick]

Dear Uncle Nick,

  Thanks,  the HOT shower has restored all    systems  to normal.   

I think somebody, um more qualified should be the arbiter of that my dear (not Dr. Nick ? he is a quack). 

I'm pleased to hear that. I have a friend - a duck - I accidently ate a part of him, he is upset about it.  What can I do?

I am unsure what sort of "accident" involves eating part of a friend. My answer depends on the identitiy of the part so consumed. I am aware of ducks being fitted with prosthetic appendages and these are widely available on E-bay. I suggest you make a small purchase there. Alternatively put him out of his miserty and have the rest of him for lunch.

NEXT

[Nick]

Now back to the liposuction problem. Or would binding help as a non invasive alternative?

Now it is interesting that you bring up binding, my dainty little size 3 feet  were fine whilst I was a skinny schoolgirl, however now that I have ...How do I put this delicately?... become a tad top heavy... I could use slightly larger feet. So, no, I don't think binding will work at this stage.  Next idea?

Buy some flippers.

NEXT

[Bar Room Bore]

I wonder if you can help me. People say I am very boring. Mrs Boring does not think this, or rather she may think it but does not say it, though she sighs a lot.

Am I boring, and if so, what can I do to become more interesting?

[Uncle Mort]

You could change your name.

O.K.

[Bar Room Bore]

Do you think that changing my name to Joshua Cadbury might help. I suppose people might view me differently and then that shify in perception might, temporarily, afford me the chance to engage them in conversation. I must consider this idea, but will also wait to see what Nick suggests.

[Nick]

I am often asked this question. My advice is to "get out more". Salsa dancing is very active and the loudness of the music precludes conversation, which I think may be your shortcoming. Bright clothes help and ditch the crocheted underwear. It sends spooky messages. On no account mention your interest in balaclava helmets during initial conversations with strangers, wait at least 5 years.

That should do for a start.

[Misunderstood]

I am often asked this question. My advice is to "get out more". Salsa dancing is very active and the loudness of the music precludes conversation, which I think may be your shortcoming. Bright clothes help and ditch the crocheted underwear. It sends spooky messages. On no account mention your interest in balaclava helmets during initial conversations with strangers, wait at least 5 years.

That should do for a start.

Too late!  He already did!   

[Barman]

You could change your name.

O.K.

Yes, change it by deed poll to 'Mr. More Interesting'... 

[Nick]

I do not advise name changes in these cases. Windscale v. Sellafield refers.