Disgusterous

Author Topic: Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2026 lock-keeping adventures thread  (Read 21534 times)

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Offline Barman

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Back there tomorrow and 250 paddle boarders racing from Nottingham to Newark.

What can possibly go wrong? scared2:

How many can you drown fit in the lock at one time...?  eveilgrin:
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Online Nick

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50 angel1
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Offline Steve

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Back there tomorrow and 250 paddle boarders racing from Nottingham to Newark.

What can possibly go wrong? scared2:
Popcorn:
Well, whatever, nevermind

Online Nick

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 angel1
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Online Nick

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Nothing went wrong  rubschin:
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Offline Steve

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Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Barman

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Online Nick

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Anyhoo, National Watersports Centre it seems
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Online Nick

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Big rowing event. Lots of fit young women in Lycra . It’s all very… oh  kleenex: kleenex:  redface:
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Online Nick

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Report to my boss about near miss yesterday

Saturday April 25th
Stoke lock

Shortly after 12.00 NB Mattie (514663) entered the lock bound for the Ferry Boat.

9 people on board with ample supplies of beer and wine.

I asked the skipper if he knew about the sand bar. He didn’t. He asked where it was.

I explained it was dead ahead of the lock entrance and marked by buoys. Advised him (with arm gestures for emphasis) to turn sharp right towards the weir.

Got a thumbs up.

When he left the lock he went straight ahead between the buoys and over the sand bar. By some miracle he didn’t get stuck.

After three hours at the pub he radioed to say they were on the return voyage. I explained he had been lucky earlier when he had gone right over the sandbar.

Told him to head to the weir, turn sharp right around the bullnose and to stay well clear of all the buoys.

When he came into view he was heading directly towards the sandbar. I made big arm gestures to direct him towards the weir and he somehow swerved the boat and pivoted around the outside of the orange buoy.

Again, he was lucky not to ground.

I think he came from a long line of seafarers as he was now clutching a drinking horn and sporting a Viking helmet.
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Offline Steve

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 noooo:

He'll now tell every boat he meets to ignore what lock keepers say
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Barman

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Report to my boss about near miss yesterday

Saturday April 25th
Stoke lock

Shortly after 12.00 NB Mattie (514663) entered the lock bound for the Ferry Boat.

9 people on board with ample supplies of beer and wine.

I asked the skipper if he knew about the sand bar. He didn’t. He asked where it was.

I explained it was dead ahead of the lock entrance and marked by buoys. Advised him (with arm gestures for emphasis) to turn sharp right towards the weir.

Got a thumbs up.

When he left the lock he went straight ahead between the buoys and over the sand bar. By some miracle he didn’t get stuck.

After three hours at the pub he radioed to say they were on the return voyage. I explained he had been lucky earlier when he had gone right over the sandbar.

Told him to head to the weir, turn sharp right around the bullnose and to stay well clear of all the buoys.

When he came into view he was heading directly towards the sandbar. I made big arm gestures to direct him towards the weir and he somehow swerved the boat and pivoted around the outside of the orange buoy.

Again, he was lucky not to ground.

I think he came from a long line of seafarers as he was now clutching a drinking horn and sporting a Viking helmet.

 lol: lol: lol:
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Online Nick

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Oh dear

Boater shows up and asks what to do.

Where are you going?

Chesterfield

Um, that’s the other way.

Where are we?

I show him on his map.

Well, we want to go this way!! We only bought the boat yesterday so we don’t know what we’re doing. Can you help us through the lock?

That’s why I’m here.

They enter the lock

They immediately do something that endangers their boat and may result in a drowning.

I stop them. I politely explain why and show them what to do.

He says, I don’t like your attitude. Don’t tell me what to do.

His three big mates appear  scared2:

I say I am trying to help

We don’t need it!

Standard instructions come into play.

I say, Fine, do it yourself. I’m leaving.

I leave in my car.

 eveilgrin:
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Offline Steve

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 noooo: and  :thumbsup:
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Barman

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Oh dear

Boater shows up and asks what to do.

Where are you going?

Chesterfield

Um, that’s the other way.

Where are we?

I show him on his map.

Well, we want to go this way!! We only bought the boat yesterday so we don’t know what we’re doing. Can you help us through the lock?

That’s why I’m here.

They enter the lock

They immediately do something that endangers their boat and may result in a drowning.

I stop them. I politely explain why and show them what to do.

He says, I don’t like your attitude. Don’t tell me what to do.

His three big mates appear  scared2:

I say I am trying to help

We don’t need it!

Standard instructions come into play.

I say, Fine, do it yourself. I’m leaving.

I leave in my car.

 eveilgrin:

 Sinister:
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