Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread

[Steve]

Ok, so two boats come down the river VERY fast creating significant wake. This annoys other boaters. They enter the lock. They are a bit “rough” and indicate they are waiting for a third boat.

We wait.

An irate guy arrives on foot. He is from a narrow boat moored about 200 yards above the lock. I know him. Ex forces. Loner. Lives on the boat.

He starts in at me about damage to his boat and I suggest he deals directly with the culprits who are still in the lock and are returning upstream later.

He demands an apology. He gets abuse.
He returns the abuse. He then says, very coldly, that he has a gun and will shoot them as they go past him later.

I try to calm the situation. He returns to his boat. I gather names and numbers and call my boss. She ex-Police Inspector. She tells me to dial 999.

I do. Within 15 minutes 4 cars with armed police, a van, an unmarked car arrive. A helicopter is overhead

Guy is taken away in handcuffs

Good grief! 

[apc2010]

Ok, so two boats come down the river VERY fast creating significant wake. This annoys other boaters. They enter the lock. They are a bit “rough” and indicate they are waiting for a third boat.

We wait.

An irate guy arrives on foot. He is from a narrow boat moored about 200 yards above the lock. I know him. Ex forces. Loner. Lives on the boat.

He starts in at me about damage to his boat and I suggest he deals directly with the culprits who are still in the lock and are returning upstream later.

He demands an apology. He gets abuse.
He returns the abuse. He then says, very coldly, that he has a gun and will shoot them as they go past him later.

I try to calm the situation. He returns to his boat. I gather names and numbers and call my boss. She ex-Police Inspector. She tells me to dial 999.

I do. Within 15 minutes 4 cars with armed police, a van, an unmarked car arrive. A helicopter is overhead

Guy is taken away in handcuffs

Good grief! 

Did he have a gun …?…

[Nick]

Yes!!!

[apc2010]

I thought guns were more a Moat thing ….      

[Nick]

6 of these rowing from Nottingham to Boston 

[Steve]

6 of these rowing from Nottingham to Boston 

For a Tea Party?   

[Barman]

6 of these rowing from Nottingham to Boston 

 

[apc2010]

6 of these rowing from Nottingham to Boston 

For a Tea Party?   

[Nick]

Exciting moments with the Environment Agency today!

Angling season starts June 16th. You need a licence. Heavy penalties for anything other.

Angler turns up at me lock. Starts catching and gutting fish. Not allowed. I call the fishing bailiff.

Bailiff calls EA who show up in their very high powered inflatable rib.  These guys (mainly ex military- tattooed with Mohawk haircuts!). They do not muck about. stab vests, night sticks and powers of arrest. They don’t do much talking. The guy was in handcuffs and in the boat within seconds!!

[Steve]

Exciting moments with the Environment Agency today!

Angling season starts June 16th. You need a licence. Heavy penalties for anything other.

Angler turns up at me lock. Starts catching and gutting fish. Not allowed. I call the fishing bailiff.

Bailiff calls EA who show up in their very high powered inflatable rib.  These guys (mainly ex military- tattooed with Mohawk haircuts!). They do not muck about. stab vests, night sticks and powers of arrest. They don’t do much talking. The guy was in handcuffs and in the boat within seconds!!

[Nick]

A herd of annoying cow graze in a field near the lock. They often block my exit. They were there when I left tonight.

Incredibly I had a call just now from Notts Police asking if I knew who owned them. I don’t.

Apparently they have escaped from the field and are causing mayhem on the Nottingham to Lincoln railway line 

[apc2010]

A herd of annoying cow graze in a field near the lock. They often block my exit. They were there when I left tonight.

Incredibly I had a call just now from Notts Police asking if I knew who owned them. I don’t.

Apparently they have escaped from the field and are causing mayhem on the Nottingham to Lincoln railway line 

Cows on the line ….

[Nick]

Top Tip

Don’t go to Newark and buy a narrow boat with the intention of taking the boat to London to live on it IF you’ve never owned or even piloted a boat on a canal, let alone a river 

[Barman]

Top Tip

Don’t go to Newark and buy a narrow boat with the intention of taking the boat to London to live on it IF you’ve never owned or even piloted a boat on a canal, let alone a river 

[Nick]

And don’t declare you want to get to Nottingham tonight at 4.30 when it’s still 6 hours away and you don’t have a key to get through locks so you get sent back to Newark to buy said key and have to start again tomorrow.