Author Topic: The all new Nick's adventures in Derby  (Read 3332 times)

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Offline Nick

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Re: The all new Nick's adventures in Derby
« Reply #30 on: January 25, 2018, 04:31:16 PM »
Child  ::)
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Online Grumpmeister

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Re: The all new Nick's adventures in Derby, or Alton, or maybe neither.....
« Reply #31 on: January 26, 2018, 02:46:57 AM »
London job can't afford me  sad24:, so Derby it is  scared2:

Insurance costs are a bugger these days...  noooo:
Some days I think the only thing keeping me from becoming homicidal is that the voices can't agree on which weapon would be the most fun.

Offline Nick

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Re: The all new Nick's adventures in Derby
« Reply #32 on: January 31, 2018, 04:14:54 PM »
An e mail floods in. "On your first day you will need to present a report on marketing to the Department of Engineering. They are quite hostile, so be warned. You might want to get your head round the attached spreadsheets before the 12th as they are bound to ask lots of questions." scared2: scared2: scared2:
12 pages of incomprehensible figures are attached, though the general theme seems to be that I have to tell them they are fvcked  scared2: scared2:
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Online Barman

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Re: The all new Nick's adventures in Derby
« Reply #33 on: January 31, 2018, 04:15:34 PM »
An e mail floods in. "On your first day you will need to present a report on marketing to the Department of Engineering. They are quite hostile, so be warned. You might want to get your head round the attached spreadsheets before the 12th as they are bound to ask lots of questions." scared2: scared2: scared2:
12 pages of incomprehensible figures are attached, though the general theme seems to be that I have to tell them they are fvcked  scared2: scared2:

 lol: lol: lol:
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Online Steve

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Re: The all new Nick's adventures in Derby
« Reply #34 on: January 31, 2018, 05:08:02 PM »
An e mail floods in. "On your first day you will need to present a report on marketing to the Department of Engineering. They are quite hostile, so be warned. You might want to get your head round the attached spreadsheets before the 12th as they are bound to ask lots of questions." scared2: scared2: scared2:
12 pages of incomprehensible figures are attached, though the general theme seems to be that I have to tell them they are fvcked  scared2: scared2:
You could start by asking them who has audited the spreadsheet and when they look puzzled follow up with “you do know that spreadsheets are the most efficient mechanism in the world for generating incorrect analyses and unsupportable analysis software”
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Just One More

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Re: The all new Nick's adventures in Derby
« Reply #35 on: January 31, 2018, 05:25:01 PM »
An e mail floods in. "On your first day you will need to present a report on marketing to the Department of Engineering. They are quite hostile, so be warned. You might want to get your head round the attached spreadsheets before the 12th as they are bound to ask lots of questions." scared2: scared2: scared2:
12 pages of incomprehensible figures are attached, though the general theme seems to be that I have to tell them they are fvcked  scared2: scared2:

Are they paying you to read the spreadsheets and prepare your report before "Day 1"  noooo:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Nick

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Re: The all new Nick's adventures in Derby
« Reply #36 on: January 31, 2018, 06:00:31 PM »
What do you think? ::)
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Online Grumpmeister

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Re: The all new Nick's adventures in Derby
« Reply #37 on: February 01, 2018, 11:35:07 AM »
Sacrificial lamb comes to mind. You are on a short term contract so presenting the findings to a very hostile department won't harm the permanent staff. Saw this happen a fair bit with some call centres.

If you have the chance start cramming whatever the latest incarnation of Six Sigma is. It should be harder for an engineering department to argue with you when it sounds like you are well versed in those quality and efficiency systems.  :thumbsup:
Some days I think the only thing keeping me from becoming homicidal is that the voices can't agree on which weapon would be the most fun.

Online Steve

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Re: The all new Nick's adventures in Derby
« Reply #38 on: February 01, 2018, 02:07:48 PM »
Sacrificial lamb comes to mind. You are on a short term contract so presenting the findings to a very hostile department won't harm the permanent staff. Saw this happen a fair bit with some call centres.

If you have the chance start cramming whatever the latest incarnation of Six Sigma is. It should be harder for an engineering department to argue with you when it sounds like you are well versed in those quality and efficiency systems.  :thumbsup:
:thumbsup:

Six Sigma is not what it was.  Suffered from the idiot purists that demanded everything had to be six sigma levels* and companies that invented perversions that watered it hopelessly down

Shame really



* they used to hate it when I asked stuff like this:  which is the most successful company in the world in terms of revenue and profit per employee:  Roger Federer.  And is his first serve % six sigma levels of error?  No.  So don’t make me make initial software coding errors per line the same either.
Well, whatever nevermind

Online Grumpmeister

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Re: The all new Nick's adventures in Derby
« Reply #39 on: February 02, 2018, 10:52:21 PM »
I'm still more than a little narked that at one of the call centres I'd been working at the rest of the department had funding for six sigma training and I was left out despite having implemented 3 improvements that would have saved enough money to grant me black belt certification. Didn't realise at the time because I would ignore office politics and concentrate on getting the work done but looking back I should have seen the writing on the wall back then.  noooo:
Some days I think the only thing keeping me from becoming homicidal is that the voices can't agree on which weapon would be the most fun.

Offline Nick

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Re: The all new Nick's adventures in Derby
« Reply #40 on: February 04, 2018, 06:05:18 PM »
Thinking about buying a new suit  rubschin:
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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: The all new Nick's adventures in Derby
« Reply #41 on: February 04, 2018, 08:29:46 PM »
To go with the shirts like  :thumbsup:

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Offline Nick

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Re: The all new Nick's adventures in Derby
« Reply #42 on: February 05, 2018, 07:58:22 AM »
 :thumbsup:
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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: The all new Nick's adventures in Derby
« Reply #43 on: February 05, 2018, 03:03:09 PM »
Thinking about buying a new suit  rubschin:

We can be your virtual personal shopping assistants  :thumbsup:
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Offline Nick

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Re: The all new Nick's adventures in Derby
« Reply #44 on: February 05, 2018, 03:14:06 PM »
I would end up dressed like Austin Powers  noooo:
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