The Boy turns 18

[Nick]

A long haul. At 18 he has the right to know everything about his pre adoption life including documents, records, ID of his mother, addresses, the lot. Some of it is not good 

Am currently trying to start a conversation about this approaching landmark  (6 weeks from now) with Mrs NIck to try to agree a joint approach. Have low expectations. May have to get The Boy alone in London or here for a long walk and talk, but would prefer it otherwise.

WIsh me luck, VPers 

[Barman]

Um, has he asked for all this stuff...?

[Darwins Selection]

Um, has he asked for all this stuff...?

A good point

He may not want to know yet

Good luck in any case

[Nick]

He is entitled to and we have an obligation to tell him he can. He prolly knows it. He may not be interested, but it is best to be prepared with a common line, TLC, and so on.


All the material is in "THE BOX" which I started when he was 3. I know where it is.

It is possible he may wish to meet his "mother". He may not. Would rather be prepared. It could all knock him off balance.......

[Nick]

Um, has he asked for all this stuff...?

A good point

He may not want to know yet

Good luck in any case

Ta. He has some contact with his sisters and Grandma. Not much. I have no idea how he feels about all this.

[Barman]

He is entitled to and we have an obligation to tell him he can. He prolly knows it. He may not be interested, but it is best to be prepared with a common line, TLC, and so on.


All the material is in "THE BOX" which I started when he was 3. I know where it is.

It is possible he may wish to meet his "mother". He may not. Would rather be prepared. It could all knock him off balance.......

Good to be prepared... 

[Steve]

A long haul. At 18 he has the right to know everything about his pre adoption life including documents, records, ID of his mother, addresses, the lot. Some of it is not good 

Am currently trying to start a conversation about this approaching landmark  (6 weeks from now) with Mrs NIck to try to agree a joint approach. Have low expectations. May have to get The Boy alone in London or here for a long walk and talk, but would prefer it otherwise.

WIsh me luck, VPers 

Best of luck. Actually methinks you'll do this well

[Miss Demeanour]

You may also be surprised how little this may mean to him after he has satisfied his potential initial curiosity .

[Nick]

Maybe. WHo knows???

[Miss Demeanour]

A good friend of mine has just adopted 2 young siblings. (4 & 2) . This is after years of trying to have their own children and going through all the emotional and physical turmoil that this created.

Anyway they are finally happy - things are going well and the kids are really settled.

So along come  Social Services again and inform them that the natural birth parents have produced another child that has been taken into care and needs adopting . How wonderful it would if they could take this new baby ad the kids could have their sibling with them ( pile on the guilt etc )

They simply cannot afford this or do not have the accommodation for another ...but now she is in some sort of hell thinking when they are 18 they will hate them for this decision ..and also blaming herself for not being able to keep them all together.

It never ends - one way or another as nothing stops the birth parents producing another child then another 

[Nick]

SOcial workers are utter bastards. ANd the Boy has a younger sister. ............

[Uncle Mort]

You really need to get talking with Mrs Nick. I believe that a joint approach is the by far the best way. It would show him that whatever the differences are between the two of you, you both have his welfare at heart. And I feel you should really impress that to Mrs Nick. She must feel the same way.

I take it you don't have "THE BOX" but I would suggest getting hold of it because, if as you fear Mrs Nick won't agree to do this together then, you'll need it for your long walk and talk.

Finally though, it will be the Boy's decision as to what he does and I would advise backing him fully, whatever you personally feel about it.

Best of luck Nick.

[Nick]

Quite right, Uncle. Thanks

[Barman]

Excellent thread... 

[Darwins Selection]

You really need to get talking with Mrs Nick. I believe that a joint approach is the by far the best way. It would show him that whatever the differences are between the two of you, you both have his welfare at heart. And I feel you should really impress that to Mrs Nick. She must feel the same way.

I take it you don't have "THE BOX" but I would suggest getting hold of it because, if as you fear Mrs Nick won't agree to do this together then, you'll need it for your long walk and talk.

Finally though, it will be the Boy's decision as to what he does and I would advise backing him fully, whatever you personally feel about it.

Best of luck Nick.

"Sage of the Day" award to Uncle