A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole;
A Diego Maradonna - a very nasty little 5-footer;
A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read;
A Rio Ferdinand - Lipped out;
A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight;
A Cuban - needed one more revolution;
A Brazilian - shaved the hole;
An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker;
A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand;
A Kate Winslett - a bit fat but otherwise perfect;
A Kate Moss - bit thin;
A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional;
An O.J. Simpson - God knows how but somehow got away with it;
A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver;
A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver;
A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems;
An elephant's arse - high and shitty;
A condom - safe but didn't feel that good;
A circus tent - a BIG top;
An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result;
A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it;
A Ryanair - flies well but lands a long way from the target;
An Arthur Scargill - an impressive strike but a poor result;
A Tiger Woods - hit a tree from your drive;
A Douglas Bader - looks good in the air but doesn't have the legs;
A George Michael - a big bender that lips the rim.
