Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 382560 times)

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Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #135 on: October 27, 2010, 05:05:15 AM »
That is the only thing that keeps me going.

Give me another one please BM.

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #136 on: October 27, 2010, 05:43:20 AM »
Sure...

 eastdrink048
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #137 on: October 27, 2010, 05:32:26 PM »
A little boy was waiting  for his mother to come out of the local shop. As he waited, he was approached by a man called Terry who asked, "Son, can
you tell me where the Post Office  is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure! Just  go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right."
Terry thanked  the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new vicar in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."
The little boy replied with a  chuckle. "Awww, come on... You don't even  know the way to the Post Office, you wanker"         
   
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Tipsy Gipsy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #138 on: October 27, 2010, 05:50:23 PM »
Got myself a new puppy today.  He's mainly black and brown with a small white area, so i've called him Bradford.
It's better than I ever even knew.  They say that the world was built for two.  Only worth living if somebody is loving you.  Baby now you do.

Offline Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #139 on: October 27, 2010, 06:28:37 PM »
 doh:
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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #140 on: October 28, 2010, 04:52:48 AM »
A little boy was waiting  for his mother to come out of the local shop. As he waited, he was approached by a man called Terry who asked, "Son, can
you tell me where the Post Office  is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure! Just  go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right."
Terry thanked  the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new vicar in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."
The little boy replied with a  chuckle. "Awww, come on... You don't even  know the way to the Post Office, you wanker"         
   


happy001
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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #141 on: October 28, 2010, 04:53:06 AM »
Got myself a new puppy today.  He's mainly black and brown with a small white area, so i've called him Bradford.

 ;D
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Offline Pastis

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #142 on: October 31, 2010, 10:38:34 AM »
Go to Google Maps

Get Directions

From: Japan
To: China

Then see instruction No. 43

 whistle: whistle: whistle:
Like the Buddhist said to the hot dog vendor...
"Make me one with everything"

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #143 on: October 31, 2010, 10:47:52 AM »
Go to Google Maps

Get Directions

From: Japan
To: China

Then see instruction No. 43

 whistle: whistle: whistle:


Quote
Jet ski across the Pacific Ocean
  ;D

I think it does the same thing if you try to get from the 'States to Europe...
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Offline Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #144 on: November 08, 2010, 11:42:07 AM »
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.  This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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Offline Snoopy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #145 on: November 08, 2010, 11:50:21 AM »
An oldie but goody!  ;D
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #146 on: November 08, 2010, 01:56:40 PM »
DARWIN AWARDS 2010

Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when The Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious Winner:

    1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California , would-be robber, James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked !

And now, the Honourable Mentions:

    2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The claim was approved.

    3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

    4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a near by bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

    5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an on coming train. When asked how he received the wounds he said he was trying to see how close he could get his head to a  moving train before he was hit.

    6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15.
    (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

    7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

    8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID .. to which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

    9. The Ann Arbour News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

    ******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****

    10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
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Offline Snoopy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #147 on: November 08, 2010, 02:19:59 PM »
 lol: lol: lol:
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #148 on: November 08, 2010, 06:19:57 PM »
    4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a near by bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

    10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.


I particulalrly liked those two
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Tipsy Gipsy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #149 on: November 11, 2010, 09:23:52 PM »
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1dCcCdzeJo


Oh this had us laughing at work yesterday.  ;D
It's better than I ever even knew.  They say that the world was built for two.  Only worth living if somebody is loving you.  Baby now you do.