The Virtual Pub

Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: DDD on January 02, 2011, 06:35:45 PM

Title: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: DDD on January 02, 2011, 06:35:45 PM
My house is falling down.

Well, i think it is, or it may be, but it does seem to be sinking, quite a lot.

I now can't close various doors, the pergola is lop-sided and the bath seems to have a slope opposite to the plug-hole. There's also the issue of some rather large cracks that have appeared overnight in the walls through which I can now see all of Paralimni football stadium in all its glory.

I know it's late, but has anyone got a number of such a person.

In Cyprus?  noooo:
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Just One More on January 02, 2011, 06:37:05 PM
If they've appeared that quickly, I'd get the hell out of there
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Nick on January 02, 2011, 06:40:17 PM
Is Mrs DDD overweight and wandering about  a bit?
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Miss Demeanour on January 02, 2011, 06:46:43 PM
 eeek: eeek: eeek:

Bm hasn't been werking in the vicinity has he ?  scared2:
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: DDD on January 02, 2011, 06:47:22 PM
Quote
Is Mrs DDD overweight and wandering about  a bit?

Actually, she's quite the opposite - svelte and petite - she may be a keeper.

I'm off to photograph some walls - the local fire station has been advised and I've moved the 'pooter to a 'safe area'.

I may be some time.
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: DDD on January 02, 2011, 07:04:01 PM
Yes, it's sinking (http://www.dataskip.co.uk/IMG_2192.JPG)

Bearing in mind that the left-hand upright is 'upright', then the right hand seems to have dropped a smidgen.

Anyone got an acro-prop?
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Barman on January 02, 2011, 07:07:14 PM
 eeek:

I'll get me ladders!
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Miss Demeanour on January 02, 2011, 07:09:06 PM
Bloody hell  eeek:
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Just One More on January 02, 2011, 07:43:16 PM
Bloody hell DDD, if that's happened overnight, get out of there
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Barman on January 02, 2011, 07:45:42 PM
Bloody hell DDD, if that's happened overnight, get out of there

He is bu
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            e
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               d

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                   o
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                           s
                               u
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                                                   !
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Tipsy Gipsy on January 02, 2011, 08:08:10 PM
Find someone to render it and then put it for sale on tinternet quick!
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: DDD on January 02, 2011, 08:13:24 PM
Right, we've just been advised to move.

Or rather, evacuate.

I don't give a shit, 'cos it's not my house - we only rent, but it does seem to be falling down, rapidly.

Wifey wants to go to her mums. Fair enough, but I'm staying-put until the bitter end.

There's no way I'm staying at the mother-in-laws.  point:
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Barman on January 02, 2011, 08:15:45 PM
Right, we've just been advised to move.

Or rather, evacuate.

I don't give a shit, 'cos it's not my house - we only rent, but it does seem to be falling down, rapidly.

Wifey wants to go to her mums. Fair enough, but I'm staying-put until the bitter end.

There's no way I'm staying at the mother-in-laws.  point:

 lol: lol: lol:


We have a spare room...  whistle:
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Pirate on January 02, 2011, 08:20:16 PM
Come on BM...he lives on the posh side of the island...he wont want to slum it over the west side... ;)
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Barman on January 02, 2011, 08:21:21 PM
Come on BM...he lives on the posh side of the island...he wont want to slum it over the west side... ;)

I could send a taxi for his Mrs. Like....  whistle:
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Pirate on January 02, 2011, 08:23:19 PM
Cyprus taxi... happy001 happy001 happy001
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: DDD on January 02, 2011, 08:24:20 PM
Quote
We have a spare room... 


You sound like my bloody landlord!  cussing:

Greatful for the offer though...

Things seem 'fluid' at the moment - we wont be able to go back and sleep tonight, but the FIL has brought a crate of KEO over, so we're reviewing options as things progress.

Bloody freezing out though...  surrender:
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Barman on January 02, 2011, 08:25:19 PM
Quote
We have a spare room... 


You sound like my bloody landlord!  cussing:

Greatful for the offer though...

Things seem 'fluid' at the moment - we wont be able to go back and sleep tonight, but the FIL has brought a crate of KEO over, so we're reviewing options as things progress.

Bloody freezing out though...  surrender:

Serious... if you need a room...
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: DDD on January 02, 2011, 08:35:32 PM
Quote
Serious... if you need a room...


You are very kind BM, but I think we're sorted - the structure has been inspected and deemed safe, but the engineer is going to take another look tomorrow in the daylight - he seems to think that the 'earth-quake-proof-pad' has broken and will need under-pinning or shoring-up.

Quote
I could send a taxi for his Mrs. Like.... 


Again, very generous, but are you  really sure you can afford the taxi?
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Barman on January 02, 2011, 08:37:39 PM
Quote
Serious... if you need a room...


You are very kind BM, but I think we're sorted - the structure has been inspected and deemed safe, but the engineer is going to take another look tomorrow in the daylight - he seems to think that the 'earth-quake-proof-pad' has broken and will need under-pinning or shoring-up.

Quote
I could send a taxi for his Mrs. Like.... 


Again, very generous, but are you  really sure you can afford the taxi?

Can I afford the Mrs. ?  rubschin:
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Nick on January 02, 2011, 08:38:04 PM
An earthquake proof pad eh?  rubschin:

There could be money in this.
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: beerhead on January 02, 2011, 08:39:30 PM
To be sure it's still moving, get some small bits of thin glass (like in greenhouses), glue them across the cracks, and wait to see if the glass breaks. If it does, start running !
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: apc2010 on January 02, 2011, 08:40:00 PM
An earthquake proof pad eh?  rubschin:

There could be money in this.
[/quot


bit shifty  whistle:
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Miss Demeanour on January 02, 2011, 08:48:34 PM
An earthquake proof pad eh?  rubschin:

There could be money in this.

A rock solid idea eh  whistle:
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Barman on January 03, 2011, 06:24:43 AM
How is it DDD?

Hopefully you've moved out by now... the slab on one of these things should never fail...  noooo:
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: DDD on January 03, 2011, 06:31:06 PM
As an update -we're out.

The slab is, indeed, moving in the wrong direction - ie downwards and there is some concern as to the viability of the house. Having said that, the surveyor is convinced it'll hold up, but he is doing extra inspections to make sure.

His current focus is on the olive-growing neighbour, where he has identified 'in excess of seven illegal boreholes'. He thinks that the underground aquifer may be so depleted that it's causing the ground to shift 'a bit'. I questioned why the rear of the house seemed stable and he wandered over to our (illegal) cess-pit, took a look and said...

Quote
My friend, your piss is keeping the ground moist.

Imagine that! The Significant Spenders piss along with my contributions are holding the bloody house up!

All's good, but I don't wish anyone a Mother-in-law like mine.  Banghead
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Barman on January 03, 2011, 06:48:56 PM
It sounds fucked... good that you are just renting...  ;)
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: DDD on January 03, 2011, 06:51:27 PM
Quote
It sounds fucked... good that you are just renting...

Why would anyone want to buy a house in Cyprus?  eyes:
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Barman on January 03, 2011, 06:54:28 PM
Quote
It sounds fucked... good that you are just renting...

Why would anyone want to buy a house in Cyprus?  eyes:

I did...  redface:
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: DDD on January 03, 2011, 07:10:55 PM
Quote
I did...


See, the bucket is there and your identity is hidden for a reason...

Did you get title deeds? bom
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Barman on January 03, 2011, 07:17:24 PM
Quote
I did...


See, the bucket is there and your identity is hidden for a reason...

Did you get title deeds? bom

Had the final inspection just before Xmas... so 'no' is the answer but we are close now...  whistle:
Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: DDD on January 03, 2011, 08:14:08 PM
Do you want the TD's?

And the property tax that comes with them?

I'll carry on renting my junk...

Title: Re: I need one of those inspector people.
Post by: Barman on January 03, 2011, 08:18:24 PM
Do you want the TD's?

And the property tax that comes with them?

I'll carry on renting my junk...



Well yes... it would put us in a good position to sell if the opportunity arose... And every day I drive past my developer's office he has a bigger car parked outside in his personal spot... so some protection from his fleet...  lol: