The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Comedy Room => Topic started by: Tipsy Gipsy on October 21, 2010, 08:18:13 PM
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My Missus says I'm immature, and we should set aside a day so that we can talk....!
Like that's gonna happen in the middle of the conker season.
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whacky115
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The clue was in the subject heading... ::)
Went to the shop ealier on, and some bloke tried to attack me with some milk and cheese... thought 'how dairy'.
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The clue was in the subject heading... ::)
Went to the shop ealier on, and some blike tried to attack me with some milk and cheese... thought 'how dairy'.
whacky115
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My Missus says I'm immature, and we should set aside a day so that we can talk....!
Like that's gonna happen in the middle of the conker season.
lol: lol: lol:
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The clue was in the subject heading... ::)
Went to the shop ealier on, and some bloke tried to attack me with some milk and cheese... thought 'how dairy'.
thats not mature.....
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The clue was in the subject heading... ::)
Went to the shop ealier on, and some bloke tried to attack me with some milk and cheese... thought 'how dairy'.
thats not mature.....
lol: lol: lol:
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The clue was in the subject heading... ::)
Went to the shop ealier on, and some bloke tried to attack me with some milk and cheese... thought 'how dairy'.
thats not mature.....
stop trying to milk the thread
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I'm told that the local muslim opticians has closed down
Asif Eydcare
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I'm told that the local muslim opticians has closed down
Asif Eydcare
Next to the 'Hoo Giva Frying' Chinese chip shop.
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Ahhh, the Chinese DS ... rubschin:
Now I know it's childish and silly to mock the Chinese when they try their hand at speaking English but...
I was in the restaurant for breakfast and offered the waiter my breakfast voucher (20% discount) and he asked me to do something:
"Prease light name and loom number on back, OK?"
Of course, said I. I couldn't remember my room number ... eeek:
"Ahh ... no ploblem. Take rift to robby and check loom number?"
So, with teeth gripped and suppressing the giggles I took rift to robby to check my loom number... shutup:
I managed to remember the room number and came back the restaurant to confirm the details. All was fine, the voucher handed over, the waiter smiled and said:
"Excerrent, prease correct what you rike for bleakfast and enjoy! Happy horiday on Hong Kong prease!"
shutup: shutup: This then went on all day ... lol:
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I went to a Chinese restaurant in Beijing expecting the most awesome meal... cloud9:
'Cept we couldn't communicate in any way other than sign language... redface:
My colleague clucked and waved his arms for chicken and I mooooood and showed horns for beef.... redface: redface: redface:
Sure enough, he got a piece of fried chicken and I got a piece of fried beef... while the next table enjoyed the most amazing spread... noooo:
We went to McDonald's the next day.... lol:
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Ordered a chinese take away last night when he arrived he asked for £20 quid , then I asked him do you know the name of that Jordans kid? he replies Harvey price ...................
so I gave him a tenner ............
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Ordered a chinese take away last night when he arrived he asked for £20 quid , then I asked him do you know the name of that Jordans kid? he replies Harvey price ...................
so I gave him a tenner ............
noooo:
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I got stopped by a policeman last night. He said, "Where were you between 5 and 7?"
I said, "Infants school, you idiot."
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I think I have met that policeman. Stopped me one night at about 1am.
"And where do you think you're going at this time of night?"
I said "Home"
He said "And where's that?"
"Where I live" I replied
"Are you some kind of comedian?" he asked
"No" I said, "But Tommy Cooper was and he told me the story"
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I got stopped by a policeman last night. He said, "Where were you between 5 and 7?"
I said, "Infants school, you idiot."
drumroll:
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I wonder what would happen if people stopped asking hypothetical questions?
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I wonder what would happen if people stopped asking hypothetical questions?
rubschin:
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Just adopted a black kid. I have called him Google, might as well, the little fucker's going to spend his whole life getting searched.
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Just adopted a black kid. I have called him Google, might as well, the little fucker's going to spend his whole life getting searched.
happy001
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Man took wife to bed and pleasured her with a large cucumber.
She had multiple orgasms, then they both fell asleep exhausted.
Hours later she woke up screaming.." Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh God I am coming"
In panic he asked "What's the matter?"
She says "sorry love, it's the cucumber repeating on me!"
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Man took wife to bed and pleasured her with a large cucumber.
She had multiple orgasms, then they both fell asleep exhausted.
Hours later she woke up screaming.." Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh God I am coming"
In panic he asked "What's the matter?"
She says "sorry love, it's the cucumber repeating on me!"
lol: lol: lol:
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Very silly ... noooo:
http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid10177795001?bctid=702176099001 (http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid10177795001?bctid=702176099001)
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" "
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Very silly ... noooo:
http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid10177795001?bctid=702176099001 (http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid10177795001?bctid=702176099001)
I'd have taken him back to the lamppost... with one of these like... eveilgrin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcdn1.newsone.com%2Ffiles%2F2010%2F03%2Fnoose.jpg&hash=cc998df2d7cb73498c4e8adc41cd6a07e6eea516)
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Very silly ... noooo:
http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid10177795001?bctid=702176099001 (http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid10177795001?bctid=702176099001)
I'd have taken him back to the lamppost... with one of these like... eveilgrin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcdn1.newsone.com%2Ffiles%2F2010%2F03%2Fnoose.jpg&hash=cc998df2d7cb73498c4e8adc41cd6a07e6eea516)
You were always too much of a moderate. noooo:
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Very silly ... noooo:
http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid10177795001?bctid=702176099001 (http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid10177795001?bctid=702176099001)
I'd have taken him back to the lamppost... with one of these like... eveilgrin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcdn1.newsone.com%2Ffiles%2F2010%2F03%2Fnoose.jpg&hash=cc998df2d7cb73498c4e8adc41cd6a07e6eea516)
You were always too much of a moderate. noooo:
I know... surrender: