The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on July 18, 2008, 11:03:04 AM
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Why me?
I was watching a very odd looking chap outside who was taking numerous photos of our house. I enquired why.
"It's a survey" he twitched.
"What sort of survey?"
"I am establishing landmarks and landing sites for the invaders" eeek:
"Invaders?"
"From space"
scared2:
I have locked my doors!
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I shall have to remember that one! happy001
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Why me?
I was watching a very odd looking chap outside who was taking numerous photos of our house. I enquired why.
"It's a survey" he twitched.
"What sort of survey?"
"I am establishing landmarks and landing sites for the invaders" eeek:
"Invaders?"
"From space"
scared2:
I have locked my doors!
Now why on earth would Nick attract nutters? You kow, for the life of me I can't see any reason at all.... whistle:
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Turd in your teeth evil:
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Dont tell me BM has let you do the pub lunch today Nick scared2:
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You evidently eat here regularly
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(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fblog.syracuse.com%2Fstrangecny%2F2007%2F10%2Flarge_UFO.bmp&hash=e9ccf56481c508c2104513a8996500e24ee88df3)
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scared2:
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(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fblog.syracuse.com%2Fstrangecny%2F2007%2F10%2Flarge_UFO.bmp&hash=e9ccf56481c508c2104513a8996500e24ee88df3)
The attempt to take Nick home was dashed by an unexpected calamity... whistle:
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(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fblog.syracuse.com%2Fstrangecny%2F2007%2F10%2Flarge_UFO.bmp&hash=e9ccf56481c508c2104513a8996500e24ee88df3)
Nick-o-Rays were significantly more powerful than the aliens had anticipated... whistle:
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Turd in your teeth|!
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Turd in your teeth|!
Que?
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Why do I get the feeling that the boy has rearranged the keys on Nick's keyboard? whistle:
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I am going off later to get my bones pummelled. Until then I am in a very very bad mood.
OK?
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I am going off later to get my bones pummelled. Until then I am in a very very bad mood.
OK?
Chiropractor = slow, painful spiral to disability... noooo:
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Mrs TMR (to be) pummelled my bone this morning. Honestly, a man should be allowed a cigarette and a cup of tea before such things...
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I am going off later to get my bones pummelled. Until then I am in a very very bad mood.
OK?
Chiropractor = slow, painful spiral to disability... noooo:
It worked last time! evil:
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I am going off later to get my bones pummelled. Until then I am in a very very bad mood.
OK?
Chiropractor = slow, painful spiral to disability... noooo:
It worked last time! evil:
It obviously didn't or you wouldn't be going back... noooo:
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I am going off later to get my bones pummelled. Until then I am in a very very bad mood.
OK?
Chiropractor = slow, painful spiral to disability... noooo:
It worked last time! evil:
Does Nick Towers have proper wheelchair access?
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I am going off later to get my bones pummelled. Until then I am in a very very bad mood.
OK?
Chiropractor = slow, painful spiral to disability... noooo:
It worked last time! evil:
Does Nick Towers have proper wheelchair access?
You think he'll be okay in a wheelchair then...? rubschin:
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I am going off later to get my bones pummelled. Until then I am in a very very bad mood.
OK?
Chiropractor = slow, painful spiral to disability... noooo:
It worked last time! evil:
Does Nick Towers have proper wheelchair access?
You think he'll be okay in a wheelchair then...? rubschin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fkrembanan.files.wordpress.com%2F2007%2F10%2Fstephen-hawking.jpg&hash=f950283ce8e19421292a5603960b23c3cdbbce5e)
Seems OK
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I am going off later to get my bones pummelled. Until then I am in a very very bad mood.
OK?
Chiropractor = slow, painful spiral to disability... noooo:
It worked last time! evil:
Does Nick Towers have proper wheelchair access?
You think he'll be okay in a wheelchair then...? rubschin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fkrembanan.files.wordpress.com%2F2007%2F10%2Fstephen-hawking.jpg&hash=f950283ce8e19421292a5603960b23c3cdbbce5e)
Seems OK
lol: lol: lol:
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I am going off later to get my bones pummelled. Until then I am in a very very bad mood.
OK?
Chiropractor = slow, painful spiral to disability... noooo:
It worked last time! evil:
It obviously didn't or you wouldn't be going back... noooo:
The last time was in 1993 evil:
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Mrs TMR (to be) pummelled my bone this morning. Honestly, a man should be allowed a cigarette and a cup of tea before such things...
Or at least afterwards. whistle:
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SO I have a tree that needs felling and removing.The local chappy is Ebrell.That is his full name. Ebrell.
So I go to his house, where the door is opened by his strange daughter. Mid 40s. Two plaits down almost to her knees. eeek:
"Ebrell", she yells.
Ebrell appears from the back of an adjacent truck. Gnarled. Long white beard.Long white pony tail. He is carrying a chainsaw/
I explain my problem.
He stabs himself in the chest with his index finger. "Ebrell will fix it."
I offer him my phone number.
"Ebrell will write it down" scared2:
He does!
I tentatively ask about price.
He points at his chest again, "Ebrell is cheap."
With his other hand he vaguely waves the chainsaw about scared2:
He has my number and my address scared2:
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You didn't hear 'Duelling Banjo's' in the background by any chance Nick?
whistle:
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Ebrell kill Nick...
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Ebrell love Nick eeek:
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scared2:
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"Ebrell chop tree if Nick take Ebrell to see choo-choo in cake shop".
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cussing:
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(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fbutlersheetmetal.com%2Ftinbasherblog%2Fimages%2Fdeliverance_dueling_banjos.jpg&hash=8c6bc37337b5f1380f78ddc213d33effcbc34ef9)
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.alifemoreinteresting.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2006%2F12%2Fcho_cho_cake.jpg&hash=92685f1de170f944ea19bdf0f892b145ea13c0f1)
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cussing:
point:
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I may refer Ebrell to you eveilgrin:
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I may refer Ebrell to you eveilgrin:
I hope you don't mean me. eeek:
It sounds as if he could be the apex of yokel development compared to this vicinity.
You haven't met our Jed the drain-man. noooo: (Best not indoors).
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Just to put a fly into Nick ointment this bright Monday morning.
I assume you have council permission to cut down a tree? whistle:
Just because it is on your land it doesn't mean you can simply cut it down noooo:
There are laws covering trees and permits to be obtained you know. whacky069
Have a nice chat with your local environment officer tunble:
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[snigger]
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The council can go and f*ck themselves.
Ebrell is the proud owner of a large , nay huge, woodpile "for my retirement"
It can be seen from space.
Evidence?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FPq1HBg9i.jpg&hash=9b02eaa6dd237a2829cee81bdaa780cb5f5ba8f4) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=Pq1HBg9i)
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Ooooh.... touchy... scared2:
You haven't got permission then...? noooo:
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Obviously not .... well it's his £5K fine not mine whistle:
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Ebrell knows how to handle the council! eveilgrin:
Now I am off to see Donna. cloud9:
Much better now, since you are all asking evil:
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Ebrell knows how to handle the council! eveilgrin:
Now I am off to see Donna. cloud9:
Much better now, since you are all asking evil:
Figured it must be since you stopped mentioning it.
Pleased for you.
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The council can go and f*ck themselves.
Ebrell is the proud owner of a large , nay huge, woodpile "for my retirement"
It can be seen from space.
Evidence?
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.postimage.org%2FPq1HBg9i.jpg&hash=9b02eaa6dd237a2829cee81bdaa780cb5f5ba8f4) (http://www.postimage.org/image.php?v=Pq1HBg9i)
Just to the right of the pile, on the grass verge. Is that a small boy with a box of matches?
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<snigger> (In the woodpile)
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I have just driven past his place. He has the usual collectin of old buses, caravans and tow trucks.All derelict.
Donna made me scream with pain cloud9:
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I have just driven past his place. He has the usual collectin of old buses, caravans and tow trucks.All derelict.
Donna made me scream with pain cloud9:
The bill? rubschin:
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I have just driven past his place. He has the usual collectin of old buses, caravans and tow trucks.All derelict.
Donna made me scream with pain cloud9:
The bill? rubschin:
lol: lol: lol:
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No, muscle spasm.I had to apologise to the receptionist for the noise redface:
The next patient looked a bit pale as she went in eveilgrin:
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Ebrell love Nick eeek:
Long time? eeek:
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The arcane reference eludes me evil:
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The arcane reference eludes me evil:
I think it was an "arcade" reference.
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The arcane reference eludes me evil:
Its more asian than arcade nick but it came to mind when I read Mort's post.
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I am lost amongst this nonsense noooo:
I have had the chance to recommend the Delicious Donna to 2 other back-pained punters though. She will owe me eveilgrin:
My local informants tell me that Ebrell is very good with trees, but otherwise mad as a fish. ANd he has chainsaws. scared2:
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mad as a fish. ANd he has chainsaws. scared2:
To be wielding chansaws in your general proximity, madness would surely be a prerequesite Nick. whistle:
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Also I have to pay him, but, as he says, "Ebrell is CHEAP".
This accompanied by spittle eeek:
I will report on developments as and when I can scared2:
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Also I have to pay him, but, as he says, "Ebrell is CHEAP".
This accompanied by spittle eeek:
I will report on developments as and when I can scared2:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.buycostumes.com%2Fmgen%2Fmerchandiser%2F17788.jpg&hash=a305be3367d0902655dd1bd8c657780ac731a3d3)
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(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi238.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fff177%2Fglittercatpix%2Fjen%2520weird%2520stuff%2Fevil-dead-2-crazy-ash-27.jpg&hash=ef2f9340935bfc4d7ff8a361a0c14b039fb17640)
Ebrell shaved... point:
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Back to nutters.
It is known that I venture to a pub near the office at lunchtime. Have done for years, with Mrs TMR (to be). Mrs TMR (to be) is no longer in the office, thus I wander alone to said pub. Today, Yoda Tel was there, but that's nothing to do with nutters.
On the way back, I walked my usual walk and the chap that lives two doors up from the Funeral Parlour was standing in his small front garden, pointing at aeroplanes. I have seen him countless times - a bemused looking gent of mid 60's and obviously of Irish descent judging by his mad gingerish hair, teeth by Shergar and a complete inablility to dress himself properly. He fixed me with his rictus grin and shouted "HAVE YOU LOST HER" !
To which I replied "Eh?"
"THE WIFE. HAS SHE GONE?! HAVE YOU PUT HER NEXT DOOR - IN THERE?
To which I replied "You're fucking mental, aren't you?"
"HAHAHAHAHA! WE'LL KILL THEM ALL".
Getting back to the office has never been quite so pleasurable.
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lol: lol:
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You will see him every day now point:
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Prolly. But it's a bit scary, he's obviously been watching us for years... scared2:
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Prolly. But it's a bit scary, he's obviously been watching us for years... scared2:
He prolly knows where you live... whistle:
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point:
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Prolly. But it's a bit scary, he's obviously been watching us for years... scared2:
He's harmless TMR. He was a respected therapist until someone referred Nick to him. whistle:
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Kinda doubt he knows where I live as I cannot see him being allowed behind the wheel of a car to follow me!
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Kinda doubt he knows where I live as I cannot see him being allowed behind the wheel of a car to follow me!
Perhaps... whistle:
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BM seems to know a lot about this nut, perhaps they are related. (would certainly explain a few things) whistle:
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BM seems to know a lot about this nut, perhaps they are related. (would certainly explain a few things) whistle:
Perhaps... whistle:
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HE WAS THERE AGAIN. STARING AT ME. HE'S SCARING ME!
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HE WAS THERE AGAIN. STARING AT ME. HE'S SCARING ME!
Be afraid... be very afraid... noooo:
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HE WAS THERE AGAIN. STARING AT ME. HE'S SCARING ME!
Does he wear a wig by any chance? whistle:
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It could be a wig.
I spoke to the bloke who lives across from him (also drinks in the the lunchtime pub and sounds like Wallace - no jokes please...) who describes him as a "queer fellow...retired postman. Always a bit odd. Stands outside at 6 in the morning, trying to match the birdsong".
eeek:
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It could be a wig.
I spoke to the bloke who lives across from him (also drinks in the the lunchtime pub and sounds like Wallace - no jokes please...) who describes him as a "queer fellow...retired postman. Always a bit odd. Stands outside at 6 in the morning, trying to match the birdsong".
eeek:
A postie????? eeek:
He knows where you live for sure! scared2: