The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => Saloon Bar => Topic started by: Nick on June 20, 2016, 11:26:00 AM
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I have been working on a project for the Gubbernment.
The task was to write a summary report based on research done by someone else.
He sent me his research. It ran to EIGHT HUNDRED PAGES Shocked:
I heroically read it all and then summarised it in 22 pages angel1
I sent it to my man in Westminster who reported to me last week that he was "chopping it"
I have just printed it off. It has reduced to 6 pages. He wants me to do some more work on it. I guess this means it will soon cease to exist rubschin:
The shorter it gets the more I get paid!! Shrugs:
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I have been working on a project for the Gubbernment.
The task was to write a summary report based on research done by someone else.
He sent me his research. It ran to EIGHT HUNDRED PAGES Shocked:
I heroically read it all and then summarised it in 22 pages angel1
I sent it to my man in Westminster who reported to me last week that he was "chopping it"
I have just printed it off. It has reduced to 6 pages. He wants me to do some more work on it. I guess this means it will soon cease to exist rubschin:
The shorter it gets the more I get paid!! Shrugs:
Just send them one line then. How about
'Be tough on Gingers and be tough on the causes of Gingers'
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cussing:
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Or 'it is in our national interest to ruthlessly take the piss out of our ex-pats'
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You couldn't finD the weapons of mass destruction either then noooo:
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Following a looooooooooooooooooooong conversation I predict we can settle on 12-14 pages by Wednesday noooo:
But he is paying me double time for the whole project angel1
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Following a looooooooooooooooooooong conversation I predict we can settle on 12-14 pages by Wednesday noooo:
But he is paying me double time for the whole project angel1
:thumbsup:
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Taxpayers' munny noooo: *
* happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
redface: redface: redface:
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Following a looooooooooooooooooooong conversation I predict we can settle on 12-14 pages by Wednesday noooo:
But he is paying me double time for the whole project angel1
So he requires fewer than 15 pages to give you a treat? rubschin:
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I rely on Miss I for treats angel1 eyes:
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Following a looooooooooooooooooooong conversation I predict we can settle on 12-14 pages by Wednesday noooo:
But he is paying me double time for the whole project angel1
So he requires fewer than 15 pages to give you a treat? rubschin:
drumroll:
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It's getting longer again, largely with explanations of its brevity rubschin:
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It's getting longer again, largely with explanations of its brevity rubschin:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fministryofbritishcomedy.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2015%2F12%2Fyes-minister.jpg&hash=3aaa0d3880467744b8accadacbea5713438394e5)
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Zackly. I am now being asked to suppress some of the evidence ::)
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Second draft sent off to London angel1
I confidently predict more changes to be made on Friday Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
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Second draft sent off to London angel1
I confidently predict more changes to be made on Friday Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
Presumably you are paid by the page, or part thereof?
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Oh noes. £1200 per day or part thereof angel1
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Oh noes. £1200 per day or part thereof angel1
Same thing.
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Oh noes. £1200 per day or part thereof angel1
Same thing.
drumroll:
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rubschin:
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They have now rewritten the brief Banghead cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: Banghead Angry9:
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They have now rewritten the brief Banghead cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: Banghead Angry9:
:thumbsup:
(https://c6.staticflickr.com/4/3244/2914795293_8c69d12034_b.jpg)
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Indeed Mr Darwin :thumbsup:
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Apparently it is too long Banghead Banghead Banghead
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Apparently it is too long Banghead Banghead Banghead
Just reduce it by the page or part thereof.
£££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££
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Apparently it is too long Banghead Banghead Banghead
Snigger
Yeah as if.
Oh you meant the report. What Professor Selection said
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Cut out your recommendations. ..They are never going to be taken up anyway :thumbsup:
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Banghead Banghead Banghead
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Banghead Banghead Banghead
Now then. Your number of bites of this cherry must be approaching a record. :thumbsup:
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They want it shorter and also want an extra section Banghead
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They want it shorter and also want an extra section Banghead
"Where there's a change, there's a charge" :thumbsup:
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Job done angel1
Added new section AND cut the length :thumbsup:
I am an hero angel1
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Job done angel1
Added new section AND cut the length :thumbsup:
I am an hero angel1
:thumbsup:
Posted it all to a web site and added a section of cross references eh?
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Job done angel1
Added new section AND cut the length :thumbsup:
I am an hero angel1
And as with all things gubberment related, the report will be filed away somewhere and never read... noooo:
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Job done angel1
Added new section AND cut the length :thumbsup:
I am an hero angel1
And as with all things gubberment related, the report will be filed away somewhere and never read... noooo:
lol: lol: lol:
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I have no doubt that it will never be heard of again angel1
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I have no doubt that it will never be heard of again angel1
You are Chilcot - I claim my £5M
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The Civil Service mark these things evil:
My first draft got 94% angel1
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100% angel1 and now COw TV to "working lunch" on Tuesday
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My report has been cast to a "committee" of squabbling primadonnas.
They have only changed their own job titles to make themselves sound grander noooo: noooo:
This may never end Banghead Banghead Banghead
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My report has been cast to a "committee" of squabbling primadonnas.
They have only changed their own job titles to make themselves sound grander noooo: noooo:
This may never end Banghead Banghead Banghead
Kerrr-chiiiiing! :thumbsup:
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Contract has now been capped. First class to London and back tomorrow and posh lunch. The fvcking Trades Unions are the worst:"No, I am Director of X, not Head of x." Tossers Banghead Banghead
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So what is this report then?
"Recommendations for sporting policy after an England win at Euro 2016" ?
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Meeting today. They love the report angel1
Been told to invoice eveilgrin:
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Meeting today. They love the report angel1
Been told to invoice eveilgrin:
:thumbsup:
drinks on etc
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I am considering getting Mr Darwin's man to come and work for me. I may raise his weekly beer allowance.
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I am considering getting Mr Darwin's man to come and work for me. I may raise his weekly beer allowance.
poacher eh?
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No, I think he turned gamekeeper. He keeps the peasants in order. Or something like that rubschin:
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So what is this report then?
"Recommendations for sporting policy after an England win at Euro 2016" ?
Chilcot
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The report was sent to various "important" people for comment. They have ALL suggested minor changes all of which conflict with each other Banghead Banghead Banghead
Publication is scheduled for 1.00 p.m. today................. scared2:
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The report was sent to various "important" people for comment. They have ALL suggested minor changes all of which conflict with each other Banghead Banghead Banghead
Publication is scheduled for 1.00 p.m. today................. scared2:
A couple of hours, or parts thereof, left for you.
£££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££
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The report was sent to various "important" people for comment. They have ALL suggested minor changes all of which conflict with each other Banghead Banghead Banghead
Publication is scheduled for 1.00 p.m. today................. scared2:
rubschin: Postible explanation:
One said burn it
One said print it on softer more absorbent easily detached pages
One said could it have the paper plane folding outlines on each page please
One said could the pictures have the colouring numbers in bigger font
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Just sent it :thumbsup:
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Just sent it :thumbsup:
:thumbsup:
The curse of the spotted just too late error awaits
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I found three redface:
The design team are sending it back to me later for a final check angel1
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I found three redface:
The design team are sending it back to me later for a final cheque angel1
whistle:
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I have just been paid eeek:
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Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
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Banghead Banghead Banghead Banghead
Cheque bounced...? whistle:
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Last minute interference. It is now with the designers :thumbsup:
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Last minute interference. It is now with the designers :thumbsup:
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.culture24.org.uk%2Fasset_arena%2F8%2F00%2F14008%2Fv0_master.jpg&hash=0428da17967f3edd380542fbfdd1d2e17e44a278)
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Last minute interference. It is now with the designers :thumbsup:
That spell check is a real bastard... whistle:
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And NOW the Minister responsible has resigned Banghead Banghead Banghead
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And NOW the Minister responsible has resigned Banghead Banghead Banghead
Lend us a fiver ,,gone then...... rubschin:
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I have been paid but the (excellent angel1) report will now be buried at taxpayers' expense angel1. (Have you heard of tax?)
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I have been paid but the (excellent angel1) report will now be buried at taxpayers' expense angel1. (Have you heard of tax?)
(https://s31.postimg.org/q0etffnl3/brass_tacks.jpg) (https://postimg.org/image/q0etffnl3/)
:thumbsup:
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And NOW the Minister responsible has resigned Banghead Banghead Banghead
And he was called Nick too eeek:
Maybe he took one look at your report, thought "what have I done? There's a split infinitive on page 2 and FFS there are two g's in 'biggest' and there's no f in 'way'. They'll see 'Nick' on the report and assume it was me. Best resign"
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cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing: cussing:
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And NOW the Minister responsible has resigned Banghead Banghead Banghead
And he was called Nick too eeek:
Maybe he took one look at your report, thought "what have I done? There's a split infinitive on page 2 and FFS there are two g's in 'biggest' and there's no f in 'way'. They'll see 'Nick' on the report and assume it was me. Best resign"
;D
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And now the whole shebang has been moved from BIS to the DfE and the Comms Team are having a dicky fit as the "corporate style and colour palette has to be changed." Banghead Banghead
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And now the whole shebang has been moved from BIS to the DfE and the Comms Team are having a dicky fit as the "corporate style and colour palette has to be changed." Banghead Banghead
Has DfE still got a sale on ......... rubschin: and as for Phillip Green ........ noooo:
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ANd now it appears as "an item for discussion" at a committee meeting next week Banghead Banghead Banghead
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ANd now it appears as "an item for discussion" at a committee meeting next week Banghead Banghead Banghead
I thought they were all on holibobs from tomorrow...?
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Sadly not noooo:
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YAY!! Get it published asap angel1
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YAY!! Get it published asap angel1
After minor redaction.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.framingthedialogue.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2010%2F01%2Fredacted-document.png&hash=9892fae956ca7c92aa506476c545f93d3ee12f4f)
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YAY!! Get it published asap angel1
After minor redaction.
(https://www.virtual-pub.com/SMF/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.framingthedialogue.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2010%2F01%2Fredacted-document.png&hash=9892fae956ca7c92aa506476c545f93d3ee12f4f)
happy001