The Virtual Pub
Come Inside... => The Snug => Topic started by: Miss Demeanour on August 04, 2013, 07:15:24 AM
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The Brat tried to get me to watch one of these bloody things last night. Probably on the basis that it is more fun to watch me watching them than the actual movie itself.
I just hate them .
I have to have multiple cushion shock absorbers around me . Try and distract myself. Talk to myself in the suspense moments knowing I am just about to jump out my skin on the basis that this will prepare me noooo:
Then you have the increased bills from having to keep the lights on noooo:
Where is the pleasure in this ? noooo: noooo: noooo:
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Danny Baker once told a story of a mate of his who went to the cinema to watch one. He sat behind two girs and quietly placed a skull mask over his face. At one of those crucial moments in the film he tapped both girls on the shoulder ... he was removed from the cinema lol:
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Now you see what if one of the girls actually had a heart attack and died .....that would be grounds for manslaughter . Or at the very least sue him for distress and mental cruelty :thumbsup:
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Years ago when I was an army cadet we had a weekend where there was one really irritating little sod who decided he was gods gift and then got narky with the women when they politely told him to bugger off. Anyway we are all watching Evil Dead 2 later that evening and I was sat behind him (not that I was planning anything of course, despite what Sam said about the unholy glint in my eye and the grin that would make the Joker run for the hills angel1) and when it came to the scene where the possessed hand makes a reappearance I reached forward and grabbed his shoulder.... eveilgrin:
Half an hour to stop him from screaming.
2 hours before the girls would stop laughing.
Apparently a few weeks later when it was his birthday someone sent him an Evil Dead style model hand. whistle:
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Years ago when I was an army cadet we had a weekend where there was one really irritating little sod who decided he was gods gift and then got narky with the women when they politely told him to bugger off. Anyway we are all watching Evil Dead 2 later that evening and I was sat behind him (not that I was planning anything of course, despite what Sam said about the unholy glint in my eye and the grin that would make the Joker run for the hills angel1) and when it came to the scene where the possessed hand makes a reappearance I reached forward and grabbed his shoulder.... eveilgrin:
Half an hour to stop him from screaming.
2 hours before the girls would stop laughing.
Apparently a few weeks later when it was his birthday someone sent him an Evil Dead style model hand. whistle:
happy001
I always imagine all the cameras etc round them that works :thumbsup:
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I always imagine all the cameras etc round them that works :thumbsup:
I won't be able to enjoy porn any more now... evil:
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I always imagine all the cameras etc round them that works :thumbsup:
I won't be able to enjoy porn any more now... evil:
With porn it is the reverse ::) except of course with Ben Dover (oh a name I had forgotten for the interesting names thread) eyes:
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I always imagine all the cameras etc round them that works :thumbsup:
I won't be able to enjoy porn any more now... evil:
too many jokes
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Years ago when I was an army cadet we had a weekend where there was one really irritating little sod who decided he was gods gift and then got narky with the women when they politely told him to bugger off. Anyway we are all watching Evil Dead 2 later that evening and I was sat behind him (not that I was planning anything of course, despite what Sam said about the unholy glint in my eye and the grin that would make the Joker run for the hills angel1) and when it came to the scene where the possessed hand makes a reappearance I reached forward and grabbed his shoulder.... eveilgrin:
Half an hour to stop him from screaming.
2 hours before the girls would stop laughing.
Apparently a few weeks later when it was his birthday someone sent him an Evil Dead style model hand. whistle:
happy001
I always imagine all the cameras etc round them that works :thumbsup:
Oh I could have done far worse, I stitched up one irritating gimp who had just been transferred down from an office in the midlands and kept bugging a load of us about having a Rocky Horror themed pub crawl (with costumes). It was an accident on my part, I didn't know that the pub I suggested we start in was a gay bar and it was pure coincidence that none of us were able to turn up on the night. That's my story m'lud and I'm sticking to it. angel1
Apparently the entertainment that night was really popular. whistle:
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Years ago when I was an army cadet we had a weekend where there was one really irritating little sod who decided he was gods gift and then got narky with the women when they politely told him to bugger off. Anyway we are all watching Evil Dead 2 later that evening and I was sat behind him (not that I was planning anything of course, despite what Sam said about the unholy glint in my eye and the grin that would make the Joker run for the hills angel1) and when it came to the scene where the possessed hand makes a reappearance I reached forward and grabbed his shoulder.... eveilgrin:
Half an hour to stop him from screaming.
2 hours before the girls would stop laughing.
Apparently a few weeks later when it was his birthday someone sent him an Evil Dead style model hand. whistle:
happy001
I always imagine all the cameras etc round them that works :thumbsup:
Oh I could have done far worse, I stitched up one irritating gimp who had just been transferred down from an office in the midlands and kept bugging a load of us about having a Rocky Horror themed pub crawl (with costumes). It was an accident on my part, I didn't know that the pub I suggester we start in was a gay bad and it was pure coincidence that none of us were able to turn up on the night. That's my story m'lud and I'm sticking to it. angel1
Apparently the entertainment that night was really popular. whistle:
happy001 happy001
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I'd have been much worse if I'd had the chance to teach my two minionettes of mayhem Boogsy. lol:
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Scary movies don't like them at all - give me an episode of Holby City any day cloud9:
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The famous Shin Injuries episode?
I have a pic somewhere :thumbsup:
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evil:
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The famous Shin Injuries episode?
I have a pic somewhere :thumbsup:
Is that one your favourite too - especially where they had to re-break the leg because it was such an agonising trauma (think the person fell off a ladder from a great height whistle:) that you could see all the way through the skin to the bone........
NickSick
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Shocked:
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I'd have been much worse if I'd had the chance to teach my two minionettes of mayhem Boogsy. lol:
lol: lol: lol:
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Scary movies don't like them at all - give me an episode of Holby City any day cloud9:
Oh sis noooo: noooo:
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I'd have been much worse if I'd had the chance to teach my two minionettes of mayhem Boogsy. lol:
lol: lol: lol:
Oh no these two were perfect, T had this 'butter wouldn't melt in my mouth' look of total innocence despite having a sense of humour that even by my standards was downright evil and C......the only way to describe her would be cute megalomaniac bond villain (C is also the reason I'm not using their names just in case they find this site, when it comes to revenge she is easily capable of causing more chaos and destruction than Nick except this would be intentional and highly entertaining as long as you aren't the victim or collateral damage.)
eeek: I've just realised C still has my book on office warfare and knowing my luck she remembered I used this site. Errrrr Hi C, if by some chance you've read this you know I love you really and can I please have a 5 minute head start before you start using me for target practice. scared:
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I'd have been much worse if I'd had the chance to teach my two minionettes of mayhem Boogsy. lol:
lol: lol: lol:
Oh no these two were perfect, T had this 'butter wouldn't melt in my mouth' look of total innocence despite having a sense of humour that even by my standards was downright evil and C......the only way to describe her would be cute megalomaniac bond villain (C is also the reason I'm not using their names just in case they find this site, when it comes to revenge she is easily capable of causing more chaos and destruction than Nick except this would be intentional and highly entertaining as long as you aren't the victim or collateral damage.)
eeek: I've just realised C still has my book on office warfare and knowing my luck she remembered I used this site. Errrrr Hi C, if by some chance you've read this you know I love you really and can I please have a 5 minute head start before you start using me for target practice. scared:
lol: lol: lol: love it ... respect worthy:
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This is the book she has Boogsy, one of the directors saw her reading it and spent the rest of the day hiding in his office. lol:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Miniweapons-Mass-Destruction-Implements-Spitball/dp/1556529538/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Miniweapons-Mass-Destruction-Implements-Spitball/dp/1556529538/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y)
Hmm, just seen there is a third one in the series that deals with siege weapons, that may just give me a chance. rubschin:
And then there is her evil genius monologues which seem to swing between Bond Villain, Eddie Izzard and Hannibal Lechter. (note to self if she does somehow manage to breed mutant rabid penguins leave the country asap). I did suggest that she has a go at doing them at the Edinburgh Festival, I figured that she would either cause the city to be evacuated or end up the next big thing.
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This is the book she has Boogsy, one of the directors saw her reading it and spent the rest of the day hiding in his office. lol:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Miniweapons-Mass-Destruction-Implements-Spitball/dp/1556529538/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Miniweapons-Mass-Destruction-Implements-Spitball/dp/1556529538/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y)
Hmm, just seen there is a third one in the series that deals with siege weapons, that may just give me a chance. rubschin:
And then there is her evil genius monologues which seem to swing between Bond Villain, Eddie Izzard and Hannibal Lechter. (note to self if she does somehow manage to breed mutant rabid penguins leave the country asap). I did suggest that she has a go at doing them at the Edinburgh Festival, I figured that she would either cause the city to be evacuated or end up the next big thing.
scared2: scared2: lol: Prolly next big thing ... lol:
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Was reminded of this the other day Boogsy. Years ago I worked at BT doing 192 and one of the guys there had an
stalker admirer they had nicknamed the Honey Monster who was a tad on the large side (in the same way that Nick is a tad accident prone) and always wore clothing too small for her, not so much a muffin top as a six tier wedding cake, hell her idea of a diet was six packets of crisps at lunchtime instead of eight. noooo: Anyway one day I'm working in one of the overflow rooms with the pair of them when she decided to do the Sharon Stone crossed legs bit from Basic Instinct, except she's jammed in place because of the chair arms so the only way she could do it was to jam her hands down either side of her thigh and heft it out managing to sound like a cross between a horny warthog and Russian female shotputter while she was doing it. Now by this point I've finished my shift and could go but this was a disaster in progress and I'm biting my arm to stop from laughing as I can see the poor bugger is turning every shade of green under the sun, especially when she starts trying to flirt with him at the same time. I realise that I can't watch any more of this so I get out as quick as I can and manage to get to the staff room before collapsing in hysterics. Not long after that this rewrite of Bohemian Rhapsody started coming together in my head and then made the rounds, Danny wasn't overly impressed with me for some reason, whistle: weirdly enough she hadn't realised that people were calling her Honey Monster so when she saw a copy of it she was laughing as well.
This is as much of it as I can remember. Yes I know it's purile but I was doing 7 day 80+ hour weeks at that point so I'm allowed a little leeway.
This can't be real life
Just twisted fantasy
Caught in a flesh slide
Trust me you don't want the imagery
Open your eyes
Look up at this sight and scream
I'm just a poor boy
I need your sympathy
And now I'm in her sights
She won't let go
She's bigger than
A hippo
Anywhere the wind blows
It doesn't really matter to me
I have to leave
Honey just killed a man
Put her thighs astride his head
Sat down and how he's dead.
It carried on in that vein. redface:
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Was reminded of this the other day Boogsy. Years ago I worked at BT doing 192 and one of the guys there had an stalker admirer they had nicknamed the Honey Monster who was a tad on the large side (in the same way that Nick is a tad accident prone) and always wore clothing too small for her, not so much a muffin top as a six tier wedding cake, hell her idea of a diet was six packets of crisps at lunchtime instead of eight. noooo: Anyway one day I'm working in one of the overflow rooms with the pair of them when she decided to do the Sharon Stone crossed legs bit from Basic Instinct, except she's jammed in place because of the chair arms so the only way she could do it was to jam her hands down either side of her thigh and heft it out managing to sound like a cross between a horny warthog and Russian female shotputter while she was doing it. Now by this point I've finished my shift and could go but this was a disaster in progress and I'm biting my arm to stop from laughing as I can see the poor bugger is turning every shade of green under the sun, especially when she starts trying to flirt with him at the same time. I realise that I can't watch any more of this so I get out as quick as I can and manage to get to the staff room before collapsing in hysterics. Not long after that this rewrite of Bohemian Rhapsody started coming together in my head and then made the rounds, Danny wasn't overly impressed with me for some reason, whistle: weirdly enough she hadn't realised that people were calling her Honey Monster so when she saw a copy of it she was laughing as well.
This is as much of it as I can remember. Yes I know it's purile but I was doing 7 day 80+ hour weeks at that point so I'm allowed a little leeway.
This can't be real life
Just twisted fantasy
Caught in a flesh slide
Trust me you don't want the imagery
Open your eyes
Look up at this sight and scream
I'm just a poor boy
I need your sympathy
And now I'm in her sights
She won't let go
She's bigger than
A hippo
Anywhere the wind blows
It doesn't really matter to me
I have to leave
Honey just killed a man
Put her thighs astride his head
Sat down and how he's dead.
It carried on in that vein. redface:
I think I can see the vague beginnings of a VP pub musical production on this theme alone eyes:
Obviously it may involve you chaps wearing tights and cod pieces (to stay in character) and us ladies having lots of sequins stitched onto our dresses and shiny glittery new shoes but it could be fun whistle:
GM as song writer extrodinare obviously is Producer and gets to cast the parts surrender:
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I'm currently stuck on rewriting the Sir Robin song from Spamalot/Holy Grail for Nick. Not sure if he would appreciate Nick Towers being renamed Gubalot though. whistle:
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"Gubalot"
:thumbsup: lol: lol: lol:
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Well 'One day the Ginger Shambles strode forth from Gubalot' was a better fit than anything else. lol:
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Well 'One day the Ginger Shambles strode forth from Gubalot' was a better fit than anything else. lol:
Post a Utube singalong link and we'll try and help................I'm sure between us we could come up with a masterpiece worthy of ALW eyes:
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Was reminded of this the other day Boogsy. Years ago I worked at BT doing 192 and one of the guys there had an stalker admirer they had nicknamed the Honey Monster who was a tad on the large side (in the same way that Nick is a tad accident prone) and always wore clothing too small for her, not so much a muffin top as a six tier wedding cake, hell her idea of a diet was six packets of crisps at lunchtime instead of eight. noooo: Anyway one day I'm working in one of the overflow rooms with the pair of them when she decided to do the Sharon Stone crossed legs bit from Basic Instinct, except she's jammed in place because of the chair arms so the only way she could do it was to jam her hands down either side of her thigh and heft it out managing to sound like a cross between a horny warthog and Russian female shotputter while she was doing it. Now by this point I've finished my shift and could go but this was a disaster in progress and I'm biting my arm to stop from laughing as I can see the poor bugger is turning every shade of green under the sun, especially when she starts trying to flirt with him at the same time. I realise that I can't watch any more of this so I get out as quick as I can and manage to get to the staff room before collapsing in hysterics. Not long after that this rewrite of Bohemian Rhapsody started coming together in my head and then made the rounds, Danny wasn't overly impressed with me for some reason, whistle: weirdly enough she hadn't realised that people were calling her Honey Monster so when she saw a copy of it she was laughing as well.
This is as much of it as I can remember. Yes I know it's purile but I was doing 7 day 80+ hour weeks at that point so I'm allowed a little leeway.
This can't be real life
Just twisted fantasy
Caught in a flesh slide
Trust me you don't want the imagery
Open your eyes
Look up at this sight and scream
I'm just a poor boy
I need your sympathy
And now I'm in her sights
She won't let go
She's bigger than
A hippo
Anywhere the wind blows
It doesn't really matter to me
I have to leave
Honey just killed a man
Put her thighs astride his head
Sat down and how he's dead.
It carried on in that vein. redface:
happy001 happy001 happy001
Looks to me like you have a talent there Grumpy that could be put to good use :thumbsup:
As LL says a musical production I hope you will be volunteering your services for the Bickering Christmas extravaganza we cannot let talent like yours escape ... noooo:
And you can shake your ass too eyes:
I am sure LL and I will appreciate your assistance.... :thumbsup:
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Monty Python The Tale of Sir Robin ( long version ) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ud7YNNA0Mwo#)
Well that's the tune, the trick is going to be cherry picking Nicks more infamous cock ups. But whatever else goes in the exploding badger will be making an appearance somehow. lol:
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Monty Python The Tale of Sir Robin ( long version ) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ud7YNNA0Mwo#)
Well that's the tune, the trick is going to be cherry picking Nicks more infamous cock ups. But whatever else goes in the exploding badger will be making an appearance somehow. lol:
I'll be back once I've had a chance to listen and absorb - but just dragging BM off outside to the ficus trees NickSick
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I'm trying to remember Nick's list of catastrophies for the song now. rubschin:
I've got:
Exploding badger
Exploding/incendiary microwave
Tesco Online
Unconvincing transvestite
The rug
The boiler
The lesbian contract
Wasps nest
And now the line "I lost my heart to a Starship Trooper" just popped into my head with the rewrite "Oh bloody hell it's the Ginger Shambles". This is a lot easier when it's only one tune stuck in my head. Banghead
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I'm trying to remember Nick's list of catastrophies for the song now. rubschin:
I've got:
Exploding badger
Exploding/incendiary microwave
Tesco Online
Unconvincing transvestite
The rug
The boiler
The lesbian contract
Wasps nest
And now the line "I lost my heart to a Starship Trooper" just popped into my head with the rewrite "Oh bloody hell it's the Ginger Shambles". This is a lot easier when it's only one tune stuck in my head. Banghead
:thumbsup:
And there was the maggoty casserole
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I'm trying to remember Nick's list of catastrophies for the song now. rubschin:
I've got:
Exploding badger
Exploding/incendiary microwave
Tesco Online
Unconvincing transvestite
The rug
The boiler
The lesbian contract
Wasps nest
And now the line "I lost my heart to a Starship Trooper" just popped into my head with the rewrite "Oh bloody hell it's the Ginger Shambles". This is a lot easier when it's only one tune stuck in my head. Banghead
:thumbsup:
And there was the maggoty casserole
. . . and the Sainsbury's man collapsed in his pad . . .
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Not a disaster per se, but surely there's room for the cake shop with the trains (or is the train shop with the cakes?)
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cussing:
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Growler and the shower
Snowed in/out shake it all about
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This song may need a thread all of its own.... rubschin:
BM could even make it a sticky eveilgrin:
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Or dance to it
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Or dance to it
No please spare LL the humiliation noooo: noooo:
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The rewrite is slowly coming along but I used to find these a lot easier to do. Mind you that could just be the subject, toooo much material noooo:
Bravely bold Sir Robin
One day the Ginger Shambles
Rode forth from Camelot.
Strode forth from Gubalot
He was not afraid to die,
Oh brave Sir Robin.
He was not at all afraid
To be killed in nasty ways.
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin.
Nick, Nick, Nick, the Ginger Shambles
He was not in the least bit scared
Buggered up his order
To be mashed into a pulp.
When he went to shop online
Or to have his eyes gouged out,
Ran from burning microwaves
And his elbows broken.
And exploding badgers
To have his kneecaps split
Spent a thousand snotters
And his body burned away,
On a tatty little rug
And his limbs all hacked and mangled
Brave Sir Robin.
His head smashed in
And his heart cut out
And his liver removed
And his bowls unplugged
And his nostrils raped
And his bottom burnt off
And his pen--
"That's... that's enough music for now lads,
*** there's dirty work afoot*** ???."
Brave Sir Robin ran away.
("No!")
Bravely ran away away.
("I didn't!")
When danger reared it's ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
("no!")
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
("I didn't!")
And gallantly he chickened out.
****Bravely**** taking ("I never did!") to his feet,
He beat a very brave retreat.
("all lies!")
Bravest of the braaaave, Sir Robin!
("I never!")
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The rewrite is slowly coming along but I used to find these a lot easier to do. Mind you that could just be the subject, toooo much material noooo:
Bravely bold Sir Robin
One day the Ginger Shambles
Rode forth from Camelot.
Strode forth from Gubalot
He was not afraid to die,
Oh brave Sir Robin.
He was not at all afraid
To be killed in nasty ways.
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin.
Nick, Nick, Nick, the Ginger Shambles
He was not in the least bit scared
Buggered up his order
To be mashed into a pulp.
When he went to shop online
Or to have his eyes gouged out,
Ran from burning microwaves
And his elbows broken.
And exploding badgers
To have his kneecaps split
Spent a thousand snotters
And his body burned away,
On a tatty little rug
And his limbs all hacked and mangled
Brave Sir Robin.
His head smashed in
And his heart cut out
And his liver removed
And his bowls unplugged
And his nostrils raped
And his bottom burnt off
And his pen--
"That's... that's enough music for now lads,
*** there's dirty work afoot*** ???."
Brave Sir Robin ran away.
("No!")
Bravely ran away away.
("I didn't!")
When danger reared it's ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
("no!")
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
("I didn't!")
And gallantly he chickened out.
****Bravely**** taking ("I never did!") to his feet,
He beat a very brave retreat.
("all lies!")
Bravest of the braaaave, Sir Robin!
("I never!")
Coming along nicely Grumpy :thumbsup: