"Wimmin' swimmin'"

[Uncle Mort]

There I am pootling up and down the pool this morning, minding my own business. Two women get in and proceed to swim straight towards me.  Never mind that I was using the lane already.

I do get a “sorry” from one of them as she nearly crashes into me. 

There is plenty of room further along but no, they have to swim in the same lane as me. It’s not the first time either and it’s always women who do it, the blokes never do.   

And they continue to chatter as they swim. 

[Snoopy]

One can always live in hope that by talking the whole time they'll drown.

[Miss Demeanour]

You were obviously in the wrong lane Uncle ...simples 

[Nick]

Get a harpoon gun  

[Miss Demeanour]

Why do men have to cause such a rumpus when they swim  in the pool

Especially the more competent swimmers .  A simple, efficient stroke through the water is not enough , they have to really feckin splash and ensure they swamp people in the next lane as a bare minimum 

[Snoopy]

You were obviously in the wrong lane Uncle ...simples 

I get that problem on motorways .... Middle lane should be reserved for those of us with grey hair. I tried the fast lane once. Toddling along at a steady 90mph and bugger me if there wasn't a car with a blue light that wanted to overtake me. 

[Uncle Mort]

Get a harpoon gun 

Harpoons are frowned on at the pool.

There was woman last week who had enough blubber to keep the Japanese whaling fleet busy for a week. I saw her after in the spa. I'm still trying to work out how she managed the turnstile from the pool area to the health spa.  

To cap it all to "John the nutter" was in the spa this morning. 

[Uncle Mort]

You were obviously in the wrong lane Uncle ...simples 

Obviously.

Nothing to do with them being stupid bints who think of no-one but themselves.

[Miss Demeanour]

Now you're not communting ( spelt intentionally)  you still need to get your quota of the general pubic ( see earlier) to give you something to make you feel better about yourself.

[Uncle Mort]

Good point.

[Pastis]

We have an 'anti-clockwise' code which still doesn't prevent some from going round the other way 

One female whale (should that be Fe-whale?) was doing a stroke that made her go up and down a lot with very little forward motion 
As for the big splash crawl merchants... 

[Nick]

Now you're not communting ( spelt intentionally)  you still need to get your quota of the general pubic ( see earlier) to give you something to make you feel better about yourself.

[Miss Demeanour]

You have to love the anti - clockwise non working system   .

Then you have those that have obviously made the wrong land choice ...usually between the slow lane and the middle lane .

They opt for the slow which looks less busy. But those 2 or 3 people in it are actually random beings of a non swimming nature and so bozo who is trying to whip up and down the lanes through the middle gets more and more frustrated at their lack of a straight tracheotomy  

[Darwins Selection]

We have an 'anti-clockwise' code which still doesn't prevent some from going round the other way 

Are they doing backstroke? 

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

Get a harpoon gun  

Music to my ears, we can now add to our exclusive collection the.....Bintpoon.