Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 382703 times)

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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #225 on: December 05, 2010, 07:05:22 PM »
Sex with Any Cap's wife after her hysterectomy...

Flo-Op  redface:
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #226 on: December 06, 2010, 07:32:25 PM »
I really should have made my new Facebook status, "I have blown the head gasket on my 1997 Ford automobile"



 rather than, "I've just f**ked a 13 year old escort!"...........

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #227 on: December 06, 2010, 07:39:17 PM »
 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #228 on: December 08, 2010, 09:34:29 AM »
SANTA CLAUS:

1. Wears red...

2. Good at breaking into houses...

3. Has loads of electrical goods that nobody can trace...

4. Drives an unlicensed vehicle...

5. Only does one day's work a year...


Lapland my arse!

He is a fucking Black Scouser!

Offline Baldy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #229 on: December 08, 2010, 09:46:27 AM »
One thing about blokes from Scotland is that their hearts and humour are in the right place! 


George Steel, a City Councillor from Glasgow, was asked on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists.


His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

HIS STATEMENT:

'If hooking up one rag head terrorist's testicles to a car battery gets the truth out of the lying little camel shagger to save just one Scottish soldiers life, then I have only three things to say, Red is positive, Black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet.'
 


Offline Snoopy

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #230 on: December 08, 2010, 10:24:02 AM »
I soooooooooo hope that is a true story  lol:
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #231 on: December 08, 2010, 10:32:20 AM »
I soooooooooo hope that is a true story  lol:

I believe it is , was on "have I got news for you".........

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #232 on: December 09, 2010, 12:09:30 PM »
These rules of thumb are followed by those who survive the military and go on to other vocations.

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Army Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. - U.S.M.C. Training Bulletin

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S.A.F. Literature.

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantryman's Journal

"A slipping trigger gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's Magazine of Preventive Maintenance

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantryman's Journal

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance Manual

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantryman's Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." - Infantryman's Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." - Anon Naval brass

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
I mostly despair

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #233 on: December 09, 2010, 12:23:25 PM »
 lol: lol: lol:

I loved this one: -

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance Manual
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #234 on: December 11, 2010, 08:01:19 AM »
A lady walked into a Police Station and the desk Sergeant said "Can I help you?"
"Yes" she said, "I'd like to report a case of sexual assault".
"Where did it happen?" the Sergeant asked.
"In the park just down the road" she replied.
"Can you describe what happened?"
"Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there, removed my underwear then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me".
"Could you give me a description of him?"
"Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees, one on each leg".
"Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman", said the Sergeant.
"Yes", said the lady, "He was an Aussie Cricketer".
"That's very observant", said the Sergeant, "You worked that out from his accent?"
"No", she replied. "I worked it out because he wasn't in for very long".

LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #235 on: December 11, 2010, 08:05:13 AM »
 drumroll:  lol: lol: lol: lol:
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Online Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #236 on: December 11, 2010, 11:58:57 AM »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5wNafq4v-E&has_verified=1
 eyes:


Perhaps the pub laydees could re enact this at the Christmas Party  rubschin:
« Last Edit: December 11, 2010, 12:35:08 PM by Nick »
Warning: May contain Skub
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #237 on: December 11, 2010, 12:51:49 PM »
And not a flat note between them
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #238 on: December 11, 2010, 02:53:52 PM »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5wNafq4v-E&has_verified=1
 eyes:


Perhaps the pub laydees could re enact this at the Christmas Party  rubschin:

We'd be missing a few notes....  whistle:
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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #239 on: December 13, 2010, 03:17:12 PM »
Shrugs:
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