Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 453141 times)

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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5415 on: December 06, 2019, 08:36:21 PM »
If anybody knows of any lonely old people who will be eating Christmas dinner alone because they have no family or close friends, can they let me know, I need to borrow some chairs.

 lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5416 on: December 06, 2019, 10:20:11 PM »
If anybody knows of any lonely old people who will be eating Christmas dinner alone because they have no family or close friends, can they let me know, I need to borrow some chairs.

 ;D ;D Thumbs:

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5417 on: December 06, 2019, 11:15:34 PM »
If anybody knows of any lonely old people who will be eating Christmas dinner alone because they have no family or close friends, can they let me know, I need to borrow some chairs.

 lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:
I mostly despair

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5418 on: December 06, 2019, 11:40:13 PM »



Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5419 on: December 10, 2019, 05:18:01 PM »


LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5420 on: December 10, 2019, 05:50:05 PM »
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5421 on: December 10, 2019, 06:37:41 PM »

Offline Darwins Selection

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I mostly despair

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5423 on: December 10, 2019, 07:20:06 PM »
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Barman

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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5425 on: December 12, 2019, 11:40:05 AM »
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door
by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained,
"It's the Chemist. He insulted me terribly this
morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times
before he would even answer the phone."
Immediately, the husband drove down to confront
the Chemist and demand an apology. Before he could say
more than a word or two, the Chemist told him, "Now, just a minute mate, listen to my side of it.
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was
late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried
out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house
with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys."
"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.
Later, when I was about three streets from the store, I had a flat tyre."
"When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were
waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and
started waiting on these people, all the time the damn
phone never stopped ringing."
He continued, "Then I had to break open a bag of pound coins
against the cash register drawer to give change, and
they spilled all over the floor
I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up
the pound coins and the phone was still ringing. When I
came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with
bottles of expensive perfumes on it.
Half of them hit the floor and broke."
"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and
I finally got back to answer it.
It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.
And believe me, mate, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her."
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5426 on: December 12, 2019, 11:41:08 AM »
The Police have found a large number of dead crows on the A1081 just outside Harpenden early this morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.
By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The investigators then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "bike"
Well, whatever nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5427 on: December 12, 2019, 12:32:54 PM »
^^^  lol: lol: lol: ^^^
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5428 on: December 12, 2019, 03:24:02 PM »
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door
by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained,
"It's the Chemist. He insulted me terribly this
morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times
before he would even answer the phone."
Immediately, the husband drove down to confront
the Chemist and demand an apology. Before he could say
more than a word or two, the Chemist told him, "Now, just a minute mate, listen to my side of it.
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was
late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried
out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house
with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys."
"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.
Later, when I was about three streets from the store, I had a flat tyre."
"When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were
waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and
started waiting on these people, all the time the damn
phone never stopped ringing."
He continued, "Then I had to break open a bag of pound coins
against the cash register drawer to give change, and
they spilled all over the floor
I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up
the pound coins and the phone was still ringing. When I
came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with
bottles of expensive perfumes on it.
Half of them hit the floor and broke."
"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and
I finally got back to answer it.
It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.
And believe me, mate, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her."

 lol:  lol:  lol:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5429 on: December 12, 2019, 03:26:21 PM »
The Police have found a large number of dead crows on the A1081 just outside Harpenden early this morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.
By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The investigators then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "bike"
lol: lol:
I mostly despair