Stories from Nick's world of the weird, wonderful and bizarre

[tel]

not overly ripe I hope 

You mean firm and hairy?

[Nick]

They do not go together 

[Miss Demeanour]

not overly ripe I hope 

You mean firm and hairy?

Preferable to dripping and falling apart 

[Nick]

 

[Pastis]

I'll put this here because I can think of no better place for it 

I've just said Hi to Mr T 

[The Moan Ranger]

I'll put this here because I can think of no better place for it 

I've just said Hi to Mr T 

Matt Lucas? 

[Darwins Selection]

I'll put this here because I can think of no better place for it 

I've just said Hi to Mr T 

Matt Lucas? 

Matt Finish.

[Nick]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/8118257.stm

[Miss Demeanour]

A monkey urinated on Zambian President Rupiah Banda as he spoke to journalists at a news conference on Wednesday.

Banda softly shouted: "You (monkey) have urinated on my jacket," and paused as he looked up to see the animal playing in a tree just above his chair.

"Perhaps these are blessings," he said continuing his address amid laughter from the audience of journalists and diplomats at the State House presidential offices.

Several monkeys play around the grounds of Banda's residence and his office. There are also many species of antelope and birds in the State House grounds.

I wonder what we can get to urinate on Gordon  

[Nick]

We shall have to form a  queue, though we must make sure he is not on fire

[Nick]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAepgZ5iM5k
 

[Miss Demeanour]

A Japanese company has reportedly agreed with an ancient temple that it would withdraw a controversial plastic figurine - a seated, grinning Buddha with a bulge between its legs.  "We agreed to stop its sale and recall it," said a company employee, adding "We understand the view that giving a bulge to a Buddha statue is imprudent."

[Miss Demeanour]

India's security forces are planning to mix one of the world's hottest chilli powders in hand grenades to control riots and during insurgency operations in the remote north-east, a defence official said on Thursday. Skip related content

India's defence scientists say they will replace explosives in small hand grenades with a certain variety of red chilli to immobilise a person without killing him.

"We are working on a project on how to use the hottest chilli in different applications in defence forces," said R.B. Srivastava, a senior scientist at the state-run Defence Research and Development Organisation (DRDO).

Scientists said the chilli found in the country's north-east generates so much heat it was enough to startle a person for a while when used as a weapon.

The bhut jolokia chilli is said to generate 1,000,000 heat units on the Scoville scale -- a measure of hotness -- at least a thousand times more than a common kitchen chilli.

[Snoopy]

I still think a well aimed round between the eyes is quicker and more effective.

[Miss Demeanour]

There's no messing with you is there