Tales of the river bank: Nick's all new 2025 lock-keeping adventures thread

[Steve]

Cookers!!  Got two carrier bags to cook and freeze. Next month: free pears 

What carrier bag recipe is that ….?…

[Nick]

[Barman]

Cor!

[Nick]

The river is full of drunk lunatics using boats like dodgem cars

[Steve]

The river is full of drunk lunatics using boats like dodgem cars

Darwinism by drowning?

[Nick]

Today has been bonkers!

[apc2010]

Today has been bonkers!

Off to get popcorn….

[Grumpmeister]

Today has been bonkers!

Off to get popcorn….

Sweet, salted, mixed or with the dodgy looking seasoning you finally got from BM.. 

[Barman]

Today has been bonkers!

Off to get popcorn….

Sweet, salted, mixed or with the dodgy looking seasoning you finally got from BM.. 

 

[Nick]

Had two complaints today   Official, like, via the hotline 

1. Huge expensive cruiser (£300000) owned by twat complained he had been delayed as lock took “too long to fill” . It holds 1.8 million gallons. The boss asked them how long they would like it to take.  No reply yet.

2. Good practice is to get steel boats into lock before fibre glass to minimise
Risk of collisions . Got two big steel boats and peroxide woman complains that she should have got in first as she had been “ waiting longer”. Boss told her that getting on the plane first didn’t get her to Spain before everyone else 

[apc2010]

Had two complaints today   Official, like, via the hotline 

1. Huge expensive cruiser (£300000) owned by twat complained he had been delayed as lock took “too long to fill” . It holds 1.8 million gallons. The boss asked them how long they would like it to take.  No reply yet.

2. Good practice is to get steel boats into lock before fibre glass to minimise
Risk of collisions . Got two big steel boats and peroxide woman complains that she should have got in first as she had been “ waiting longer”. Boss told her that getting on the plane first didn’t get her to Spain before everyone else 

 

[Steve]

Had two complaints today   Official, like, via the hotline 

1. Huge expensive cruiser (£300000) owned by twat complained he had been delayed as lock took “too long to fill” . It holds 1.8 million gallons. The boss asked them how long they would like it to take.  No reply yet.

2. Good practice is to get steel boats into lock before fibre glass to minimise
Risk of collisions . Got two big steel boats and peroxide woman complains that she should have got in first as she had been “ waiting longer”. Boss told her that getting on the plane first didn’t get her to Spain before everyone else 

 

[Barman]

Had two complaints today   Official, like, via the hotline 

1. Huge expensive cruiser (£300000) owned by twat complained he had been delayed as lock took “too long to fill” . It holds 1.8 million gallons. The boss asked them how long they would like it to take.  No reply yet.

2. Good practice is to get steel boats into lock before fibre glass to minimise
Risk of collisions . Got two big steel boats and peroxide woman complains that she should have got in first as she had been “ waiting longer”. Boss told her that getting on the plane first didn’t get her to Spain before everyone else 

[Nick]

1 alcoholic druggy threatening other boaters with a baseball bat and suggesting extreme punishment to two gay guys on a narrow boat. Police called and man and his two Rottweilers taken away in two vans. Noisy.

Entitled daddy’s girl in new boat (18th birthday present!) causing chaos at every lock and knows better than us what to do managed to smash a hole in the hull. She has had the boat for 2days.

Suggested she call Daddy. Boat now moored and taking on water.

[Steve]

1 alcoholic druggy threatening other boaters with a baseball bat and suggesting extreme punishment to two gay guys on a narrow boat. Police called and man and his two Rottweilers taken away in two vans. Noisy.

Entitled daddy’s girl in new boat (18th birthday present!) causing chaos at every lock and knows better than us what to do managed to smash a hole in the hull. She has had the boat for 2days.

Suggested she call Daddy. Boat now moored and taking on water.

Wow!

And I shouldn't but